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The Roots of Midlife Crisis

theatlantic.com

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Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#21

Post by kirse »

deeviant wrote: post #15
dominotw wrote: post #8

Articles on 'happiness' are a staple on HN. We see Western fixations – such as obsessive individualism, technological fanaticism, and economic intoxication – as the height of human progress. Analyze everything with the scientific method regardless of the problem at hand( Mapping happiness to curves and parabolas. really?). We have tuned our minds into advanced scientific grooves but have an underdeveloped psychologic…

So what are you suggesting? Contemplative meditation? Spirituality? Religion? All these may or may not increase happiness, but they certainly to not increase one's closeness to the truth that is reality, although they certainly seem to have the effect of making some people feel like they are closer to the truth. But if these things do uncover truth, why does there seem to be so many difference versions of the truth?…

they certainly to not increase one's closeness to the truth that is reality

I have to admit, I'm impressed you have this level of confidence in such a fantastically deep and generalized assumption. Even more interesting is how you rationalize your assumption by stating that those who have derived truth about reality from spirituality or religion are just feeling it to be true.

I'd at least appreciate your vastly superior insight on various topics such as love, justice, forgiveness, mercy, compassion, gratitude, contentment, etc. I never took a science class on those subjects, and I fear that I may just be feeling closer to the truth on those matters.

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#22

Post by drcomputer »

dominotw wrote: post #8

Articles on 'happiness' are a staple on HN. We see Western fixations – such as obsessive individualism, technological fanaticism, and economic intoxication – as the height of human progress. Analyze everything with the scientific method regardless of the problem at hand( Mapping happiness to curves and parabolas. really?). We have tuned our minds into advanced scientific grooves but have an underdeveloped psychologic…

> We have tuned our minds into advanced scientific grooves but have an underdeveloped psychological mind unable to grasp its own misery

Nah, it's just one side of a coin. Underneath the sophisticated abstraction, lay a deep and profound sadness. Sounds beautifully poetic, doesn't it?

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#23

Post by sliverstorm »

byEngineer wrote: post #4
ilaksh wrote: post #2

Basically "midlife crisis" is a way for people who are married with families to put down anyone having more fun or experiencing more freedom than them.

I'm married with family. It is something else: You need to turn yourself into a corporate-or-other slave to pay off the mortgage, cars, save for kids' schools, etc. Absolutely no wonder that in "poor" countries they are happier. Living in constant stress about the job, with huge financial obligation, not even seeing your kids and spouse except for weekends and a week vacation a year -- compare this to my parents gene…

compare this to my parents generation in communistic (then) Poland -- no debt, guaranteed jobs, free housing.

Do your parents tell you how much they miss that? My parents aren't from Soviet-era Poland, but I've never heard a citizen of the Soviet Bloc wax nostalgic about their time there.

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#24

Post by michaelchisari »

'Cause before you know it, it's done. Nothin' but babies and memories. You hear me? Babies and memories. Smile, sweetheart. Give us a smile. Say "Mojo." Say "Mojo." - Friday Night Lights

I wonder how much of the concept of a "Mid-Life Crisis" is based on economic stability. You used to be able to get out of high school, get a good union factory job, get married, have kids, buy a house, all before you were 30. Then, at some point, you have some kind of existential question of whether having followed the script was the right thing to do. The whole counter-culture of the 60's and literature like Revolutionary Road approach this idea.

Nowadays, though, you come out with a Masters degree, and work retail. You switch jobs four times in two years. You don't get married until you're 35, if ever. You have kids, maybe. You see much more of the world, whether through the internet, or necessity.

It would seem, if there's any sort of crisis these days, it's about realizing that you'll never have the kind of stability and predictability that the generations that experienced a midlife crisis had en masse.

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#25

Post by mikeash »

dominotw wrote: post #8

Articles on 'happiness' are a staple on HN. We see Western fixations – such as obsessive individualism, technological fanaticism, and economic intoxication – as the height of human progress. Analyze everything with the scientific method regardless of the problem at hand( Mapping happiness to curves and parabolas. really?). We have tuned our minds into advanced scientific grooves but have an underdeveloped psychologic…

What's wrong with applying the scientific method to happiness? It's the best technique available for figuring stuff out. Do you have a better idea?

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#26

Post by ilaksh »

anigbrowl wrote: post #10
ilaksh wrote: post #2

Basically "midlife crisis" is a way for people who are married with families to put down anyone having more fun or experiencing more freedom than them.

Feeling dissatisfied or frustrated with one's own life isn't equivalent to putting down those of other people's. You seem to have misunderstood the term 'midlife crisis'.

You seem to have misunderstood English. That's not what I said.

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#27

Post by johngalt »

A midlife crisis is simply when all your 'someday' bills are due. Someday I'll go back to school and get my masters, someday I will move to X place I'd prefer to live at, someday I will visit my old friends or relative, someday I will take the time to spend with my kids. All the things you promise yourself to get through the workday.

Then in the span of about 5 years, those options all close at once. Too old to meaningfully start over in a different career, roots down in the area you live, the relative you always meant to talk to now has dementia, you long ago missed the chance to read one last bed time story to your kids.

Someday never happens. Guard against desire. Don't make promises to yourself you can't keep.

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#28

Post by ilaksh »

happyscrappy wrote: post #9
ilaksh wrote: post #2

Basically "midlife crisis" is a way for people who are married with families to put down anyone having more fun or experiencing more freedom than them.

I actually sometimes feel bad for people who for whatever reason don't end up having children. It may seem like the rational choice in the beginning but I wouldn't underestimate the long term upside.

I didn't say they didn't have children themselves. Someone married with children is actually more likely to be accused by their married friends of having a 'midlife crisis' if their friends see them having more fun than them (for example buying a sportscar).

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#29

Post by projectileboy »

guylhem wrote: post #6

TLDR : "the age U-shape in life satisfaction is driven by unmet aspirations that are painfully felt during midlife but beneficially abandoned and felt with less regret during old age" Basically, most people hope they will do great, but instead fail miserably in their expectations and finally even let go of the hope. Thoreau said 'Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them…

FWIW, I'm married with three kids and I really like my wife and kids. I certainly don't think it's for everyone, but I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand on the assumption that everyone who has a family is miserable (although I admit I may be an outlier...?). I say this only because you might deprive yourself of something you may enjoy.

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#30

Post by elpachuco »

melling wrote: post #14
guylhem wrote: post #6

TLDR : "the age U-shape in life satisfaction is driven by unmet aspirations that are painfully felt during midlife but beneficially abandoned and felt with less regret during old age" Basically, most people hope they will do great, but instead fail miserably in their expectations and finally even let go of the hope. Thoreau said 'Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them…

How old are you? People's views do change. “The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” ― Muhammad Ali

So if I thought that at 20 religion was a farce and I still think that at 50, have I wasted my life. In the mean time I have learned and discovered lots about the universe. Have I still wasted my life. And also, I still dislike having kids the same as when I was 20 as I do now that I'm 50.

I guess I wan't to know what point are you exactly trying to make? People may never change their mind about having kids and yet still may grow and enjoy life immensely. Who are YOU to judge me?

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