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The Roots of Midlife Crisis

theatlantic.com

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Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#11

Post by jayvanguard »

guylhem wrote: post #6

TLDR : "the age U-shape in life satisfaction is driven by unmet aspirations that are painfully felt during midlife but beneficially abandoned and felt with less regret during old age" Basically, most people hope they will do great, but instead fail miserably in their expectations and finally even let go of the hope. Thoreau said 'Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them…

Wow, you actually sound bitter towards the fact that people on average get happier later in life.

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#12

Post by mturmon »

rdtsc wrote: post #3

I think there is an element in there about realizing ones mortality and vulnerability. In younger years there is a mentality of "I have an infinite amount of time left" and I can do whatever I want. Later in years, a realization of one's mortality (an emotional/personal one, not just a theoretical understanding). Coupled with signs of an ageing body -- fractures take longer to heal, chronic diseases start to poke the…

I agree, and I'd like to follow up on finitude.

No matter how successful you are, how much you figured out what you wanted and how well you did it -- there will be something within the sphere you've committed to that is left untried. Eventually it sinks in that some of those somethings will always be left undone. There will be no time for them. This feels like a loss, and letting go is hard.

One other side to this, even within our chosen area(s) of interest that we have worked hard on: Unless we are very unimaginative, we all ultimately must fail, despite many successes. As this sinks in, letting go is hard.

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#13

Post by rsl7 »

guylhem wrote: post #6

TLDR : "the age U-shape in life satisfaction is driven by unmet aspirations that are painfully felt during midlife but beneficially abandoned and felt with less regret during old age" Basically, most people hope they will do great, but instead fail miserably in their expectations and finally even let go of the hope. Thoreau said 'Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them…

good luck with that.

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#14

Post by melling »

guylhem wrote: post #6

TLDR : "the age U-shape in life satisfaction is driven by unmet aspirations that are painfully felt during midlife but beneficially abandoned and felt with less regret during old age" Basically, most people hope they will do great, but instead fail miserably in their expectations and finally even let go of the hope. Thoreau said 'Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them…

How old are you? People's views do change.

“The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.”

― Muhammad Ali

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#15

Post by deeviant »

dominotw wrote: post #8

Articles on 'happiness' are a staple on HN. We see Western fixations – such as obsessive individualism, technological fanaticism, and economic intoxication – as the height of human progress. Analyze everything with the scientific method regardless of the problem at hand( Mapping happiness to curves and parabolas. really?). We have tuned our minds into advanced scientific grooves but have an underdeveloped psychologic…

So what are you suggesting?

Contemplative meditation?

Spirituality?

Religion?

All these may or may not increase happiness, but they certainly to not increase one's closeness to the truth that is reality, although they certainly seem to have the effect of making some people feel like they are closer to the truth. But if these things do uncover truth, why does there seem to be so many difference versions of the truth?

As for my thoughts on the matter, people get overwhelmed by reality, and that's OK. Life is such a harsh and stark thing at times no one can be blamed for feeling the weight of a limited existence.

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#16

Post by mturmon »

guylhem wrote: post #6

TLDR : "the age U-shape in life satisfaction is driven by unmet aspirations that are painfully felt during midlife but beneficially abandoned and felt with less regret during old age" Basically, most people hope they will do great, but instead fail miserably in their expectations and finally even let go of the hope. Thoreau said 'Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them…

"I plan to have fun without encombering myself with things that would reduce my freedom"

Be careful with that. It sounds like an objective function heavily weighted toward one particular conception of one value ("freedom") among many. It might be smart to diversify your portfolio.

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#17

Post by conanbatt »

guylhem wrote: post #6

TLDR : "the age U-shape in life satisfaction is driven by unmet aspirations that are painfully felt during midlife but beneficially abandoned and felt with less regret during old age" Basically, most people hope they will do great, but instead fail miserably in their expectations and finally even let go of the hope. Thoreau said 'Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them…

Deciding not to have kids to get more freedom is an oxymoron. You are just saying you are not free to have kids and pursue other ventures.

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#18

Post by byEngineer »

dominotw wrote: post #5
byEngineer wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm married with family. It is something else: You need to turn yourself into a corporate-or-other slave to pay off the mortgage, cars, save for kids' schools, etc. Absolutely no wonder that in "poor" countries they are happier. Living in constant stress about the job, with huge financial obligation, not even seeing your kids and spouse except for weekends and a week vacation a year -- compare this to my parents gene…

>Absolutely no wonder that in "poor" countries they are happier. what?

read the article

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#19

Post by csommers »

mturmon wrote: post #12
rdtsc wrote: post #3

I think there is an element in there about realizing ones mortality and vulnerability. In younger years there is a mentality of "I have an infinite amount of time left" and I can do whatever I want. Later in years, a realization of one's mortality (an emotional/personal one, not just a theoretical understanding). Coupled with signs of an ageing body -- fractures take longer to heal, chronic diseases start to poke the…

I agree, and I'd like to follow up on finitude. No matter how successful you are, how much you figured out what you wanted and how well you did it -- there will be something within the sphere you've committed to that is left untried. Eventually it sinks in that some of those somethings will always be left undone. There will be no time for them. This feels like a loss, and letting go is hard. One other side to this, e…

On the flip-side, I find that "letting go" aspect to be somewhat...freeing.

Being able to acknowledge that there are things you won't be able to address in this lifetime is reassuring to me, as it allows me to focus more on the things that "immediately" matter.

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#20

Post by bigtunacan »

jayvanguard wrote: post #11
guylhem wrote: post #6

TLDR : "the age U-shape in life satisfaction is driven by unmet aspirations that are painfully felt during midlife but beneficially abandoned and felt with less regret during old age" Basically, most people hope they will do great, but instead fail miserably in their expectations and finally even let go of the hope. Thoreau said 'Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them…

Wow, you actually sound bitter towards the fact that people on average get happier later in life.

I was thinking this as well. Parent also sounds like they are bitter about not having children while trying to simultaneously dismiss them as a burden.
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