Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: New city, freelancer job, how do you make friends and fight loneliness?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

1–10 of 17 posts

Ask HN: New city, freelancer job, how do you make friends and fight loneliness?

#1

Post by yulaow »

So basically I recently moved to a new city in south eu for a new job but after just some weeks I felt like that place was cancer for my mental health and I quit asap.

So ok, that's was a very unlucky event but now I am stuck in this city and at the moment, while evaluating what to do, I am working as a freelancer (via sites like elance).

The problem is... I really feel the loneliness of living so totally alone for the first time in my entire life and really don't know what to do.

Without a work in a company it is hard for me to make new social relationships and I don't know where to start.

Any suggestions or ideas? How did/do you fight loneliness? (NB at least for the next 6 weeks I can't move from this city for economical reasons)

Re: Ask HN: New city, freelancer job, how do you make friends and fight loneliness?

#2

Post by thirdtruck »

There's a worthwhile chance that someone you already know back home has connections with others where you live now. That's how I made such a smooth social transition from one state to another twice in the space of a year: I asked everyone I knew for connections, and someone set me up with an existing gaming group even before I arrived. I had new friends within a week of moving.

In the meantime:

+ Check out as many conventions or conferences as you can, but focus on the "hallway track" and the bar (you don't have to drink, either!).

+ Check out Meetup.com or even OkCupid.com (or the EU equivalents). Other people are trying to make new friends through those sites.

+ Chat with the folks where you work. Spend time in a coffee shop or co-working space if you don't already. I made a good friend, for example, out of a totally random Starbucks encounter.

Hope that helps!

Re: Ask HN: New city, freelancer job, how do you make friends and fight loneliness?

#3

Post by LadyMartel »

What do you do for fun? I always just go to some meetups related to either my work or my hobbies. I think any sports (hiking, mountain climbing) or artistic endeavors (woodworking, photography) type of hobbies make it really easy to make friends.

Re: Ask HN: New city, freelancer job, how do you make friends and fight loneliness?

#5

Post by yulaow »

atmosx wrote: post #4

I'd rather write a blog post and use it as reference. The topic is been discussed in very long detailed on HN, but I'm too lazy t find the link. The only advice I have is: Take haircuts and dancing lessons as often as you can.

Well this seems a very simply but effective suggestion I mean, I indeed considered to go to some dancing party (bonus I am still at an age in which I am young enough to be considered a college student) but I feel a bit awkward going there all alone, I would prefer to have with me at least one friend but I have to find one first elsewhere

Re: Ask HN: New city, freelancer job, how do you make friends and fight loneliness?

#6

Post by yulaow »

thirdtruck wrote: post #2

There's a worthwhile chance that someone you already know back home has connections with others where you live now. That's how I made such a smooth social transition from one state to another twice in the space of a year: I asked everyone I knew for connections, and someone set me up with an existing gaming group even before I arrived. I had new friends within a week of moving. In the meantime: + Check out as many co…

It is ironic, I am in one of the biggest city of this country right now but on Meetup.com I can't find more than 4 - boring - events in the next 30 days

Anyway I already planned to join an hackthlon this weekend even if I never tried one and fear to be the "noob of the group" but well, I hope we all started from that position somewhere

I have for sure to improve my start-a-discussion-with-strangers skill.

Re: Ask HN: New city, freelancer job, how do you make friends and fight loneliness?

#7

Post by yulaow »

LadyMartel wrote: post #3

What do you do for fun? I always just go to some meetups related to either my work or my hobbies. I think any sports (hiking, mountain climbing) or artistic endeavors (woodworking, photography) type of hobbies make it really easy to make friends.

I was thinking since months to start a yoga course but I fear that in those lessons the "let's socialize" part is not considered a lot in comparison to the physical activity

Re: Ask HN: New city, freelancer job, how do you make friends and fight loneliness?

#8

Post by alain94040 »

I had the same problem a few years ago. I solved it by going to coffee shops to work maybe an hour per day. And in good hacker fashion, I eventually built an app for that, that lets you find "co-lunchers" (check out http://colunchers.com). Hope you find it useful.

Re: Ask HN: New city, freelancer job, how do you make friends and fight loneliness?

#9

Post by LadyMartel »

yulaow wrote: post #7
LadyMartel wrote: post #3

What do you do for fun? I always just go to some meetups related to either my work or my hobbies. I think any sports (hiking, mountain climbing) or artistic endeavors (woodworking, photography) type of hobbies make it really easy to make friends.

I was thinking since months to start a yoga course but I fear that in those lessons the "let's socialize" part is not considered a lot in comparison to the physical activity

Sure there's time to socialize. Waiting for class to start, walking to and from class/etc. You won't know until you try. (And if it doesn't work out then you'll still have done some yoga.)
Post reply on HN