Why Your Cat Thinks You’re a Huge, Unpredictable Ape

Your cat might have a bladder or kidney stone which is causing extreme pain when pooping. Please take your cat to the vet and have that checked out.

I ran into the same thing: Cat pooped in exotic, awkward places, but never the litter box. Never looked like she was in pain -- just being stubborn, I figured. Turned out to be a bladder stone brought on by the ingredients in modern cat food (put in place to help other feline health issues, but which causes stones in a small subset of cats). After the stones were cleared up, all litter box issues disappeared.

Ahh, so much quiter without all those birds and other critters :P

On a serious note: cats usually integrate well with their ecosystem and if they would really pose such a big threat, smaller mammals and brids would just migrate away. edit: I'm speaking of balanced ecosystems where cats have natural enemies, foxes and whatnot.

How to Treat Your Cat (or Manager)

1. Any cat > any thing, no matter how expensive. I wish my carpets and furniture weren't all scratched up, but I really don't care that much.

Corollary: Any manager > any project. The project may fail, but the manager may do another.

2. Let the cat initiate all action. They will let you know when they want to eat/sleep/play/cuddle/hang out. Respond predictably to their action.

Corollary: Keep coding until interrupted by your manager. Smile, listen, pretend to care, agree. Then continue coding.

3. Every time you return (even from the mailbox), greet the cat as if you hadn't seen each other for years. I don't know how cats perceive the passage time, but what difference does that really make?

Corollary: Document everything discussed with your manager and share the notes during your next meeting to remind them of what they probably won't remember.

4. Listen to the cat. They do have words, just not in the same language. Tonality and body language leave very important clues.

Corollary: Learn the definition of terms like: bandwidth, key results, deep dive, follow-up, subject matter expert, and ROI so you know what the hell your manager is talking about.

5. Include the cat in your plans when applicable. They may surprise you by enjoying watching football on TV, relaxing in the yard, or even eating together.

Corollary: Give your manager a status report so they know what's going on. Otherwise, they'll just interrupt you when you're right in the middle of coding a difficult algorithm.

6. If the cat gets scared, growls, scratches, or bites, you probably did something wrong. Identify and correct the problem.

Corollary: If the project fails, it's your fault because it can't be your manager's fault.

7. Even though it's not human, the cat is a member of your family and should be treated accordingly.

Corollary: Even though they can't code and have never built anything, your manager deserves as much respect as anyone else.

At least in the US the outdoors are no place for cats. I see dead cats on the side of the road far too often. People leave out antifreeze to poison cats so they won't poop in their yard or attack birds. Sometimes they shoot them for fun. And sometimes they saw off their back legs for kicks [1].

I've also seen way too many FIV+ cats come through the shelter system, transferred when they're attacked by FIV+ strays. If you ever need to give up your pet, FIV+ status is an immediate death sentence in many shelters. In no-kill shelters, it means a longer stay because some people are weirded out about "cat AIDS".

[1] http://planetbratfink.blogspot.com/2013/11/the-story-of-ange...

Yeah, that bit of the article was not very good.

Several paragraphs to say "Your cat can't figure out negative reinforcement - their brains just can't handle it! Change the environment instead."

Then right next to that, it's all "You should give your cat positive reinforcement, that totally works!"

Not that it's bad advice to have positive reinforcement come from you and negative reinforcement come from the environment, but the explanation is poor.