Sounds good. Step 0: overcome social anxiety and general awkwardness. Edit: to make this comment a little less pithy, I will say that I've ordered 'What to Talk About', and it has lessened the looming daemon of small talk...somewhat. ( http://www.amazon.com/What-Talk-About-Cocktail-Elevator/dp/1... )
ahmadss, your reply to this is dead.
Mods, why was the comment about rejection therapy killed? It's a very popular and highly relevant game. And the poster has 1000+ karma; they don't seem like a spammer.
I couldn't see anything objectionable about the comment.
Reminds me of a similar project that was called 'lunch-hat' or something that I can't find now. The premise was similar, you find some strangers near you to have lunch with.
Step 0 seems impossible, but you really just have to talk to people. I say this as a formerly very shy, awkward person. Start by talking to people you have on interest in talking to. Don't approach an attractive member of the opposite sex or a businessperson. Instead, say hello to an elderly person you normally wouldn't look twice at. Or try to make cashiers laugh. Brighten up people's day. If you just talk consisten…
Can't agree with this enough: however impossible you think being social is, it all starts with being able to do small things. You have a million opportunities a day to do _something_ that will begin the tiny and endless work of getting comfortable and feeling like every interaction with another human won't make or break you. So yeah, say something to the cashier. Ask the barista if they changed the chairs. Ask the gu…
Frequenting the bar scene, for those so inclined, is the fast track to this: "getting comfortable and feeling like every interaction with another human won't make or break you."
Can't agree with this enough: however impossible you think being social is, it all starts with being able to do small things. You have a million opportunities a day to do _something_ that will begin the tiny and endless work of getting comfortable and feeling like every interaction with another human won't make or break you. So yeah, say something to the cashier. Ask the barista if they changed the chairs. Ask the gu…
Frequenting the bar scene, for those so inclined, is the fast track to this: "getting comfortable and feeling like every interaction with another human won't make or break you."
This is true, but it's a higher hurdle. I went to bars through college, but made no progress socially.
To learn, you need to be able to try a lot, in a consistent environment, and get feedback. Bars made it difficult to try small things, and they're a complex environment where you can't repeat the same interaction so easily.
Whereas, saying "hi" to a stranger is never that different, in terms of how it goes initially.
Reminds me of a similar project that was called 'lunch-hat' or something that I can't find now. The premise was similar, you find some strangers near you to have lunch with.
Sounds good. Step 0: overcome social anxiety and general awkwardness. Edit: to make this comment a little less pithy, I will say that I've ordered 'What to Talk About', and it has lessened the looming daemon of small talk...somewhat. ( http://www.amazon.com/What-Talk-About-Cocktail-Elevator/dp/1... )
ahmadss, your reply to this is dead. Mods, why was the comment about rejection therapy killed? It's a very popular and highly relevant game. And the poster has 1000+ karma; they don't seem like a spammer. I couldn't see anything objectionable about the comment.
I'm new to hacker news and have not figure out this "dead" feature. What exactly is happening?
ahmadss, your reply to this is dead. Mods, why was the comment about rejection therapy killed? It's a very popular and highly relevant game. And the poster has 1000+ karma; they don't seem like a spammer. I couldn't see anything objectionable about the comment.
I'm new to hacker news and have not figure out this "dead" feature. What exactly is happening?
"dead" means a mod killed a link, comment or even an entire account. You can go to your profile settings and select "showdead" to see dead posts.
At it's best, "dead" indicates spam removal, or a shadowban of a spammer. Unfortunately, when it's applied in appropriately, the poster doesn't realize.
In this case, there's a comment that I think was removed incorrectly.
Sounds good. Step 0: overcome social anxiety and general awkwardness. Edit: to make this comment a little less pithy, I will say that I've ordered 'What to Talk About', and it has lessened the looming daemon of small talk...somewhat. ( http://www.amazon.com/What-Talk-About-Cocktail-Elevator/dp/1... )
Hi Stranger. I noticed that this book isn't all that well reviewed (3.5/5), and that Amazon's 'Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought' includes a few higher-rated titles. Can you say a word or two on what you liked about this one?
Frequenting the bar scene, for those so inclined, is the fast track to this: "getting comfortable and feeling like every interaction with another human won't make or break you."
This is true, but it's a higher hurdle. I went to bars through college, but made no progress socially. To learn, you need to be able to try a lot, in a consistent environment, and get feedback. Bars made it difficult to try small things, and they're a complex environment where you can't repeat the same interaction so easily. Whereas, saying "hi" to a stranger is never that different, in terms of how it goes initially…
I think it depends a lot on your personality. My best friend and I used to be a lot alike in this way. We were both really shy, had trouble socializing, especially dating. It was a big part of why we are such good friends. A few years ago he started going out to the bars after work almost every day. It started as an attempt to maintain a relationship with a girlfriend who liked hitting the bars, but after they broke up, he discovered that he really liked it. He talks to the bartenders, he talks to the guy at the next stool. He'll wander around the bar, pick out the most interesting looking person and strike up a conversation. He has completely overcome the social anxiety. I, on the other hand, don't like the bars. It's generally too noisy, lots of distraction, and because I'm at the bar for the purpose of "meeting people" it seems more high-stakes than it really is. I've had really good luck with the kind of casual conversations you describe, the cashier at the store, the girl at the coffee shop, the guy standing on the street corner who's obviously lost.... I had a 20 min conversation with a complete stranger last Sunday I met walking my dog. "Hey, that's a beautiful dog, what breed is it?" was all it took to start. There are a million opportunities to interact with other human beings every day. What works for me is each day, picking a few very low risk opportunities to start a conversation, and really going for it. For some reason at the bar, I get shot down once and I'm done. YMMV and all that......