HN has always been one of the first things I've checked when I woke up. I know there is an amazing amount of experience and intellect here.
4 years ago, I applied to Stanford as a direct result of reading (here) about getting out of our comfort zones. I was living in a Bureau of Indian Affairs dormitory for high school students when I got the news that I was accepted. This was a huge deal, because statistically I am part of a demographic the comprises the bottom 1% of the income spectrum here in America.
But I left Stanford after a year, partly because it was such a huge change, but also because I wanted see if I could succeed on reservation I grew up in (the Navajo Nation). I'm now 22, and I can say I used what little I had to try to make a difference.
I've made mistakes - one of which was lying to my peers about leaving because I wasn't prepared for the change that Stanford demanded. Another was not asking for help when I needed to. And, finally, I didn't pursue a regular job when my family demanded it. And now, I don't know what to do.
I have about $20K in debt - student loans that have already been deferred, money I used to buy a computer (pretty much the only thing I own), and medical bills from a year of battling cancer. And, as of today, I had to get out of my step-parent's house because it was not a good place for me to be anymore.
I am at a park in the next town over - a town that tends to be particularly disdainful of Native Americans wandering the streets. I don't know what I am looking for here on HN. It's always been a source of encouragement to me, especially in those times that I felt the most uncomfortable or hopeless. I've learned a lot for living on a reservation where the nearest IT-related job is 100 miles away - and it really is thanks to you.
I took a risk leaving school and now I need help
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Re: I took a risk leaving school and now I need help
#2We all make decisions and they guide us in different directions. I don't really believe in a "right path". I'm not really sure what type of help you're looking for. I was a once computer science major, now clinical social worker. I work with people that have different stressors in their lives and are learning how to live a life they feel good about. In most cases I find, even with past horrific traumas, people are very resilient. So the little I'll offer you right now is this. In my own journey of healing and getting my life together, there is always a lot of noise. Things to "worry about" things to "figure out". These often include career goals, life goals, etcetera. I have found often that much of my energy has been wasted on things that have not yet come to pass. The future stuff that I'm not quite ready for in that moment anyway. Of course plans are important, but in terms of getting "help now", often we overlook or neglect our day to day basic needs for loose ill defined hopes. It's not these things are not important, its just we very likely are not yet ready to hold ourselves up with enough firm ground to withstand the tremendous amount of unknown that entertaining such things requires. With that said, Maslow's hierarchy is a helpful frame to start from in any trying times. You'll find that when you consistently knock out a 100% of your basic needs (healthy food, shelter, meaningful relationships, meaningful daily activities, etc.), you'll start naturally taking on bigger things. You must be a smart guy if you got into Stanford. Something the pressure of a "name school" has more baggage than its worth. I know what that's like. I once went to a "name school" and found that I spent just as much energy on deflecting the image of what it meant to goto a place highly regarded and what that meant to the world around me - as I did on just trying to survive the experience. With that said, an important step for me, was to forget and let go of that image and build a real foundation of self-respect and confidence in myself that I felt. Once you tap into that, and you spend the time defining what YOU want to do, not what the world wants you to do - then you will begin to let the important things in and you will get better at passing on the distractions. I'm still learning how to do this. I graduated from my undergrad a decade ago. I've changed my career, felt lost, loved and lost multiple times, and am better for it. I hope you find some inspiration for yourself in these words.
Re: I took a risk leaving school and now I need help
#3Go back to Stanford. It's the best university in the world and the fin aid is great.
Re: I took a risk leaving school and now I need help
#4I would say go back to Stanford if that is an option. You'll grow a lot there. I don't know what you mean by "change," but if you need pointers on how to handle the schoolwork or on how to take advantage of the resources you would have at your disposal, just let me know here and I'll get in touch.
Re: I took a risk leaving school and now I need help
#5We all make decisions and they guide us in different directions. I don't really believe in a "right path". I'm not really sure what type of help you're looking for. I was a once computer science major, now clinical social worker. I work with people that have different stressors in their lives and are learning how to live a life they feel good about. In most cases I find, even with past horrific traumas, people are ve…
I want to have enough stability to go back to school and to be in a place where I can explore technology and create amazing stuff. I beat cancer, my work has been featured in the newspaper, I've helped people by connecting via technology, and I've generally done what has made me happy. But there are genuine cultural differences between me and my (Caucasian) step-father that I finally decided to leave behind. I have looked after my mentally-disabled step-brother for a long time, and I am sad that I had to leave him behind. Right now, I am worried that I won't have a bed to sleep on anymore. But, I did manage to apply with a local startup (I got amazingly lucky) and I will see them on Monday. I feel I am starting to focus more on myself - which is something that resonated with me in your reply. Thank you for offering perspective.
Re: I took a risk leaving school and now I need help
#6Well, I know there are tech jobs such as web development here in Phoenix, AZ, but if you want to stay in the Navajo Nation then I don't know how to help you. I've been in Arizona for a year now and I hope I'll have a chance to get involved with some of the Indian communities around here, one way or another, but it hasn't happened yet.
For what it's worth, I'll tell you that sometimes, hitting "rock bottom" can be good for you. I bet you're pretty motivated now not to go further in debt, and not to waste your next opportunity! Lucky for you that you get to start over at such a young age. Find a way to dig yourself out of this hole.
Re: I took a risk leaving school and now I need help
#7Well, I know there are tech jobs such as web development here in Phoenix, AZ, but if you want to stay in the Navajo Nation then I don't know how to help you. I've been in Arizona for a year now and I hope I'll have a chance to get involved with some of the Indian communities around here, one way or another, but it hasn't happened yet. For what it's worth, I'll tell you that sometimes, hitting "rock bottom" can be goo…
Yeah, he is lucky.
Re: I took a risk leaving school and now I need help
#8My wife and I own a salon in New York City. We're looking for someone to help work on our salon software which was built a few years ago in PHP. Do you know how to code or have any inclination to learn? We could start with something small - maybe $100/week to get you started while you learn and fix a few bugs, then ramp up to a $30k or $40k/yr gig.
Not a ton, I know, but it would be a start :)
If you're interested, my e-mail is in my profile.
(Note: you don't have to be in NYC, just have an internet connection)
Re: I took a risk leaving school and now I need help
#9It sounds like you've already had an incredible journey. You made hard decisions (leaving your home multiple times including just now), and you fought incredibly difficult battles (against cancer, maybe cultural ones as well). Now, your next move is a little more mundane. The most dramatic decisions are actually behind you I think - now you just need to decide to succeed through perseverance. That probably means getting a college degree (hopefully back at Stanford, but if somewhere else, so be it) while working nights to pay down your debt. Like everything else you've been through, it won't be easy, but it's a clear path with direction.
Re: I took a risk leaving school and now I need help
#10I grew up in Navajo County(Holbrook & Snowflake) and now live in Downtown Palo Alto. I understand the drastic change you've experienced more than anyone on HN. These Ivy league pricks have no idea. No matter what you do...don't give up. Learn as much as you can and keep growing. I went to ASU and when I was your age I went through a similar experience. All you can do is keep innovating, keep learning and find a support structure. AZ is not known for that...not even in Phoenix. Get out of Tuba City or wherever you are. The rez is not for driven people. I have some Navajo friends in SV if you need help. Reach out...there are always options.