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Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

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Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#41

Post by paulbaumgart »

sleeplessinSLC wrote: post #16
nobodysfool wrote: post #4

Refuse. Do you have a problem saying no? Why are you not setting boundaries? If your home life is important to you then you need to speak your mind. Tell them 'No, I dont want your promotion, I will be going home at a reasonable time to my family'. Is that so hard? Here's another tip - accept remote positions, and remove any business education from your resume.

Honestly, I do have a hard time saying no. Rarely is the conversation "We'd like to increase your responsibility, here is some more pay and a new title". It's more like "Hey, your opinion in stand up this morning was awesome, can you sit in on this meeting." This seems to lead into "You can't make it to yet another meeting about strategy with the investor's? Do you know what will happen if you're not there! It's the…

Any easy way to say "no" without offending is to describe the opportunity cost: I can do this, but this other Important Business Priority will suffer. Once they understand the trade-off, it ideally becomes a collaborative discussion to decide the best course of action instead of antagonism.

(If they suggest you need to suck it up and do both, just laugh it off as the wishful thinking that it is.)

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#42

Post by beachstartup »

our latest hire is a very good senior engineer who was essentially working as a sales/marketing technical resource at his previous job, and was on a career track to become a vp of sales and marketing. he had "director of X" titles before that at large orgs as well. age early 40's.

when he quit and came to work for us, the first thing he said was "i want to make it crystal clear that i do not want to be an executive at your company. i want to be a senior engineer. i want to stay at home with my family and take care of your technical needs."

when you are clear with your requirements, and you get clear requirements from the employer, good situations can arise.

having said all that, he didn't need the extra money that comes with being an executive - he's doing just fine - some people do need the money, however. it's just a question of personal priorities.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#43

Post by sillysaurus3 »

VLM wrote: post #27
sillysaurus3 wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Does it really cost $5M to retire in your 30s?

This dovetails nicely with the conventional wisdom that over 30s is unemployable in tech fields. So either retire penniless in your 30s and never work in tech again, or retire with $5M in the bank in your 30s and never work in tech again. Also if your gross is say $120K and you keep about $90K of it and save most of it to retire, living off maybe $30K which is more than most Americans get, 5e6/30e3 = a mere 166 years…

Do your thing when you need the cash, and when you don't need the cash, don't work for awhile.

How would you explain the gaps in employment? It seems to be a popular question.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#44

Post by a-priori »

VLM wrote: post #27
sillysaurus3 wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Does it really cost $5M to retire in your 30s?

This dovetails nicely with the conventional wisdom that over 30s is unemployable in tech fields. So either retire penniless in your 30s and never work in tech again, or retire with $5M in the bank in your 30s and never work in tech again. Also if your gross is say $120K and you keep about $90K of it and save most of it to retire, living off maybe $30K which is more than most Americans get, 5e6/30e3 = a mere 166 years…

I work at a startup with a development team of 9 people. Of those, one is in his 30s, two are in their 40s, and two are in their 50s. The rest, myself included, are late 20s.

Just because some parts of the tech industry fetishize young developers doesn't mean all of them do.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#46

Post by nounaut »

If you're being asked to work outside of office hours alot, then no matter what your job or position is your company has an efficiency problem and that's something that should be addressed for the good of the company.

If you're changing jobs alot because you can't find one that suits your needs then you should be more aggressive and thorough in your search. Let those companies court you, not the other way around, and get everything you're hired to do written into your contract. If you're changing jobs that often just because you're supposed to in order to be considered successful then that's probably the biggest problem.

Freelancing is an option I guess, aswell as starting your own company without the intention to sell. That still makes for alot of work on the business side of things though.

Lastly, you seem like a guy who doesn't have too much trouble finding a job so risking your job by saying no seems like a small risk to take considering what you could gain. Also I'ld say that 9 out of 10 times you're just calling their bluff. You are an investment for any employer. If they lose you after 1-2 years they've basically thrown every penny they've ever given you out the window.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#47

Post by zaccus »

I think that telling yourself that you're "successful" can be a huge impediment to doing what you need to do in order to be happy.

If you are not happy with your job/life, then you are not successful. Take a pay cut and tell the business dept to fuck off, or go work somewhere else. Having money in the bank grants you that luxury.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#48

Post by brnstz »

sleeplessinSLC wrote: post #20
brnstz wrote: post #9

> Some say it is depression, but would I want a medication to fix what is obviously a lifestyle problem? Medication is not the only solution to depression. The internet is a bad therapist. Consider a real one.

I honestly hadn't thought of it like that. Thinking this through with a number of other comments here and maybe I need to talk to a therapist about being less of a push over.

I think that's a great idea.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#49

Post by DmitriRavinoff »

capisce wrote: post #45
tedmcory wrote: post #19

You have a skill that is rare. Since supply is low, and demand is frequently high, price yourself accordingly.

What if he's not willing to sacrifice his work-life balance, even for a higher compensation?

Raise prices until the tradeoff is worth it or the demand reaches a tolerable level.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#50

Post by porker »

zaccus wrote: post #47

I think that telling yourself that you're "successful" can be a huge impediment to doing what you need to do in order to be happy. If you are not happy with your job/life, then you are not successful. Take a pay cut and tell the business dept to fuck off, or go work somewhere else. Having money in the bank grants you that luxury.

This, this, and this again
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