Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#11

Post by nkohari » Mon, Jul 21, 2014, 4:49 PM UTC

nickthemagicman wrote: post #6

You must be making baller money. Just live frugally, bank it away and invest it. And in a few years you will NEVER HAVE TO WORK AGAIN.(or just work on your own projects)

Your advice of living frugally and investing is good, but since you need, let's say $5M, to retire in your 30-40s with the expectation of living the same lifestyle, "a few years" is much longer than you might think.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#12

Post by silverbax88 » Mon, Jul 21, 2014, 4:50 PM UTC

nobodysfool wrote: post #4

Refuse. Do you have a problem saying no? Why are you not setting boundaries? If your home life is important to you then you need to speak your mind. Tell them 'No, I dont want your promotion, I will be going home at a reasonable time to my family'. Is that so hard? Here's another tip - accept remote positions, and remove any business education from your resume.

In my experience, doing this will ultimately end up in being let go as 'not a team player'. I was in the same position as the OP many times and got tired of always getting moved out of software into more business management. When I started saying no, I was always cut loose before long. Went to companies after this occurred and didn't say no, and got right back into the same situation.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#13

Post by antidaily » Mon, Jul 21, 2014, 4:51 PM UTC

Get a drug habit.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#14

Post by buckbova » Mon, Jul 21, 2014, 4:51 PM UTC

> Over the last decade or so . . . .

Sounds like you're a bit long in the tooth. Has your development experience gone stale? What's your area of expertise?

I agree with nobodysfool who says to revise your resume. Gear it completely towards software engineering. Remove your law degree from your resume.

Then, look for new work.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#15

Post by swalsh » Mon, Jul 21, 2014, 4:52 PM UTC

Ask for less money (i'm willing to bet you're being well compensated for being in that hybrid role), and don't highlight those parts of your experience on your resume.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#16

Post by sleeplessinSLC » Mon, Jul 21, 2014, 4:53 PM UTC

nobodysfool wrote: post #4

Refuse. Do you have a problem saying no? Why are you not setting boundaries? If your home life is important to you then you need to speak your mind. Tell them 'No, I dont want your promotion, I will be going home at a reasonable time to my family'. Is that so hard? Here's another tip - accept remote positions, and remove any business education from your resume.

Honestly, I do have a hard time saying no. Rarely is the conversation "We'd like to increase your responsibility, here is some more pay and a new title". It's more like "Hey, your opinion in stand up this morning was awesome, can you sit in on this meeting." This seems to lead into "You can't make it to yet another meeting about strategy with the investor's? Do you know what will happen if you're not there! It's the end of the world!"

But, those are excuses that I constantly make. Your advise is solid, and much appreciated. I need to really strengthen up and just say no.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#17

Post by spullara » Mon, Jul 21, 2014, 4:53 PM UTC

This is the position I was in starting in about 2001 at BEA Systems when I started helping out on tech due diligence for acquisitions. It sounds to me like you would make a good founder. Sadly, there are few strong engineers that can also work on the strategy of the company. I'm not sure why you are being asked to go out after work a lot, that doesn't seem necessary, but certainly having a voice at the top and a keyboard at the bottom has been very powerful for me. Maybe you just need to make it clear what kinds of things besides engineering interest you and things that you are not interested in doing. If you are truly not interested in directing the course of the company I can only assume that you need to stop telling them the right things to do...

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#18

Post by sillysaurus3 » Mon, Jul 21, 2014, 4:54 PM UTC

nkohari wrote: post #11

nickthemagicman wrote: post #6

You must be making baller money. Just live frugally, bank it away and invest it. And in a few years you will NEVER HAVE TO WORK AGAIN.(or just work on your own projects)

Your advice of living frugally and investing is good, but since you need, let's say $5M, to retire in your 30-40s with the expectation of living the same lifestyle, "a few years" is much longer than you might think.

Does it really cost $5M to retire in your 30s?

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#19

Post by tedmcory » Mon, Jul 21, 2014, 4:54 PM UTC

You have a skill that is rare. Since supply is low, and demand is frequently high, price yourself accordingly.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#20

Post by sleeplessinSLC » Mon, Jul 21, 2014, 4:56 PM UTC

brnstz wrote: post #9

> Some say it is depression, but would I want a medication to fix what is obviously a lifestyle problem? Medication is not the only solution to depression. The internet is a bad therapist. Consider a real one.

I honestly hadn't thought of it like that. Thinking this through with a number of other comments here and maybe I need to talk to a therapist about being less of a push over.