Earlier quoted context omitted.
Instead of writing "Christ", you should consider posting an email as if you were the one newly responsible for a $364B company and a reduction in 18,000 jobs. I'd be curious to see other people's management style from their armchair.
Subject: Important Company-wide Announcement Dear Employees, For our business to continue running, we must reduce the number of staff. This is an unfortunate but also inevitable reality. [insert details of layoff here] [insert honest platitudes] Senior management wishes all of you the best of luck, and has every confidence that you will be even more successful at your next job.
This is a notification that it's happening, that you're not going to be affected, and that they're doing it because they think it will help the company grow and adapt.