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The power of lonely: What we do better without other people around

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Re: The power of lonely: What we do better without other people around

#41

Post by HSO »

monxxx wrote: post #12

from Grothendieck's Récoltes et Semailles : In those critical years I learned how to be alone. [But even] this formulation doesn’t really capture my meaning. I didn’t, in any literal sense, learn to be alone, for the simple reason that this knowledge had never been unlearned during my childhood. It is a basic capacity in all of us from the day of our birth. However these three years of work in isolation [1945-1948],…

Very nice quote. Thank you. For those who know French and want to read the original: p. 35, http://www.math.jussieu.fr/~leila/grothendieckcircle/RetS.pd...

Re: The power of lonely: What we do better without other people around

#42

Post by Kiro »

I have a lot of friends but really enjoy being alone. Unfortunately people can't accept that as a reason for not joining them on an activity so I constantly have to come up with excuses. I do like hanging out with people as well but being alone is just as fun and rewarding, and is never tiresome.

Re: The power of lonely: What we do better without other people around

#43

Post by gregschlom »

> People make this error, thinking that being alone means being lonely, and not being alone means being with other people

Loneliness isn't solitude, it's isolation. That's why one can feel so lonely sometimes even with thousands of people around.

Re: The power of lonely: What we do better without other people around

#44

Post by rimantas »

alashley wrote: post #5

I think when people emphasize their ability to spend an inordinate amount of time alone, they are looking at it as a unique "quality," something that sets them apart from others. We all need our alone time, and a few aspects of personality development occur when we are reflecting on the social interactions, encounters and relationships we've had. But too much time alone, I think, eventually leads to feelings of despa…

A suprising number of people have real difficulty of being alone with their thoughts. There being alone I mean not being only physicall alone, bet being also free from other forms of disctraction and communication.

Re: The power of lonely: What we do better without other people around

#45

Post by icebraining »

precisioncoder wrote: post #40
casca wrote: post #3

Anecdotally, most people I know do better with a mix of social and alone time. Given that it's now possible to almost never be conscious and effectively alone, it will be interesting to see the long term mental health impact. Also, being alone is clearly so distressing to many people that they would rather shock themselves than be alone - http://news.sciencemag.org/brain-behavior/2014/07/people-wou...

It's an interesting article but I feel like the study draws the completely wrong conclusion. I would draw the conclusion that humans when offered an experiment they have control of that offers a new or interesting experience will participate even if it causes them pain. If I participated in the experiment I would definitely shock myself since I've rarely been shocked in the situation, then I might spend the rest of t…

It wasn't new by the time they sat in the room: they had already been shocked and all had said they were willing to pay money to avoid being shocked again.

Re: The power of lonely: What we do better without other people around

#46

Post by cousin_it »

monxxx wrote: post #12

from Grothendieck's Récoltes et Semailles : In those critical years I learned how to be alone. [But even] this formulation doesn’t really capture my meaning. I didn’t, in any literal sense, learn to be alone, for the simple reason that this knowledge had never been unlearned during my childhood. It is a basic capacity in all of us from the day of our birth. However these three years of work in isolation [1945-1948],…

Successful people often insist that their success was not random, and attribute it to some specific quality (persistence, courage, the capacity to be alone, etc.) even though there are tons of other people who had the same quality and still failed to be successful. It's fundamentally difficult for us to accept the fact that even Shakespeare wouldn't be able to teach us how to "unleash our inner Shakespeare", and that most people who want to be special will never get what they want.

Re: The power of lonely: What we do better without other people around

#47

Post by [deleted] »

dsuth wrote: post #39
jqm wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A good team is better than being alone. A bad team... well, I'll take alone any day over that.

Not good and not bad. I wouldn't compare the two as it's a false dichotomy. Just as some tasks are better done in pairs, others are better done alone. You can work as part of a team, but also individually.

[deleted]

Re: The power of lonely: What we do better without other people around

#48

Post by pessimizer »

doctorfoo wrote: post #17
reinhardt wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You sort of proved his point. Your preference for working alone is because you avoid being in a team.

>Your preference for working alone is because you avoid being in a team That's quite an assumption to make. We could easily turn it on its head: My avoidance of being in a team is because of my preference for working alone. I might indeed be terrible in a team, and sadly go off alone. I might be terrible in a team, and yet happily go off alone. I might be terrible in a team, because I enjoy being alone so much more,…

>That's quite an assumption to make.

>I do know that I'm terrible in a team and prefer working alone.

It's certainly not 'quite' an assumption.

Re: The power of lonely: What we do better without other people around

#49

Post by doctorfoo »

pessimizer wrote: post #48
doctorfoo wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Your preference for working alone is because you avoid being in a team That's quite an assumption to make. We could easily turn it on its head: My avoidance of being in a team is because of my preference for working alone. I might indeed be terrible in a team, and sadly go off alone. I might be terrible in a team, and yet happily go off alone. I might be terrible in a team, because I enjoy being alone so much more,…

>That's quite an assumption to make. >I do know that I'm terrible in a team and prefer working alone. It's certainly not 'quite' an assumption.

The "and" leaves that sentence somewhat ambiguous with respect to any cause and effect ("and so" or "because I" might have swung it either way). But in the further context of:

>Dude I absolutely love being alone

>"Relaxing", "exciting", and "interesting also apply

I feel it becomes elevated to "quite" an assumption.

Re: The power of lonely: What we do better without other people around

#50

Post by aestra »

rimantas wrote: post #44
alashley wrote: post #5

I think when people emphasize their ability to spend an inordinate amount of time alone, they are looking at it as a unique "quality," something that sets them apart from others. We all need our alone time, and a few aspects of personality development occur when we are reflecting on the social interactions, encounters and relationships we've had. But too much time alone, I think, eventually leads to feelings of despa…

A suprising number of people have real difficulty of being alone with their thoughts. There being alone I mean not being only physicall alone, bet being also free from other forms of disctraction and communication.

Which is probably the reason why when faced with a (say) 10 minute wait, people feel the need to be distracted. Facebook, Twitter, Hacker News, Reddit... ANYTHING to DO. Even bringing a book or iPod on a train. Some people feel extremely uncomfortable just sitting doing nothing. Being "bored" so to speak.

However boredom is GOOD for you, for adults and especially for children. It fosters creative thought as well as has other positive aspects. Introspective thought and sometimes problem solving comes from boredom. Think about it - where do your best ideas come to you? In the shower.

That's why I get so depressed with how I see kids behaving these days. They have a zillion toys, DVDs, computers, iPods, tablets because (GOD FORBID) they don't have anything to do for a second.

They bring their toys outside of the house. I never once in my life brought a toy with me outside of the house. If I had to wait someone I just (gasp!) waited. They are watching movies in the car (!!!) and this is considered a positive to keep them occupied (and presumably just quiet). I was at a (somewhat snoody) restaurant and I saw two kids who were like 8-10 years old who brought several coloring books and crayons with them and they were all splayed out on the table like it was a child's play place. The concept seemed to be HORRIBLE for them to not have something to do in the time frame between ordering and eating! A full 10-15 minutes!

Well in my opinion it is setting the children up for failure. They aren't interacting with their environment, engaging in conversation, asking questions, or even just learning at some point you have to learn to sit down with nothing to do. Or even learning to find something to do when they are "bored." Kids used to be good at that. Games like "I spy," hand clapping games, pretend and make believe, doing each other's hair, inventing games, singing, trying to find license plates from every state, creating dance routines, cops and robbers (and the politically incorrect version - cowboys and Indians), etc, etc. My friends and I even wrote, memorized, and performed an entire play when were were children.

I remember going to a really boring after school program for poor kids. There was basically nothing to do for hours other than a small playground that I was way way too old for. So I created a whole world in my head. I was out in the woods. I had to collect firewood and build a fire. I collected sticks, dug a small hole, arranged the sticks as I would if building a fire and arranged rocks around it. Bundled more sticks to make a torch, etc.

I have preteen cousins. When they visit family they don't interact with the family at all. They are on their phones the ENTIRE time at Christmas. I don't even know them at all except for what their parents tell me. I didn't hear a single word from either of them.

Nowadays distractions aren't even enough, people seem to be distracted from their distractions.

Scott Adams (of Dilbert fame) wrote a really good article about it.

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd...

Might also be of interest

http://www.the-exponent.com/in-defense-of-boredom/

I bring a book with my traveling sometimes but usually I don't even take it out, I just sit there with my thoughts and I feel no anxiety about it. I feel really sorry for those who seem to have anxiety about sitting around with nothing to do.

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