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Suicidal Software Developer

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Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#91

Post by robg »

The reason suicide isn't logical is because there's no coming back from it. You're making a definitive judgement where one isn't possible. Any number of worthwhile things could happen with the rest of your life. If you're young, you'll likely have the chance to travel into space. That seems far from now, but then 20 years ago all phone calls were inside, our lives were dictated by where we lived, and we had just watched Cold War whimper to a close.

All that said, yup, this existence often seems pointless. I've read enough Existentialism to drive that point home. We do often feel trapped without purpose. We struggle to dignify our jobs, our relationships, ourselves, and our future. Really, this is it? Really?

Then you fall in love. Or experience a sunset on the open ocean. Or see the Milky Way from the middle of the dessert. Or skydive from 10,000 feet. If your life feels mundane, then make new choices. If you're willing to kill yourself, kill who you are and who you've been. If you have nothing to lose by ending it all, why not start over in a new country or a new profession? Find hobbies that require taking chances?

Meaning is what you make. If you are convinced there is none, then the hardest look is the one inward to find another identity. Who said you have to be you, the same you, each and every day? Kill yourself but don't end your life. End the choice of who you are and find another, more fulfilling version. What do you have to lose?

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#92

Post by saukrates »

Please consider contacting CALM as well as Samaritans to connect with people whose life experience may be similar to yours:

Calm: 0800 585858, www.thecalmzone.net - Campaign Against Living Miserably Help and support for young men aged 15-35 on issues which include depression and suicide.

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#93

Post by facepalm »

moron4hire wrote: post #50
dbbolton wrote: post #19

I remember reading a quote somewhere attributed to a person who survived jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. Paraphrased, they said that at the moment they jumped, they suddenly realized that every single problem in their life was fixable except the fact that they had just jumped off a f *ing bridge.

Adrenaline can do that to you. Unfortunately, it passes. I try very hard to not make big, life-changing decisions when I'm happy and energetic, because it's usually jumping (if you'll excuse the pun) feet first into commitments that I'm not going to be able to keep when I go back to normal, level attitude--or even worse--my low periods, when failing at my commitments is not only a foregone conclusion, but I know it,…

There is modern research into willpower and afaik the essence is: try to not use your willpower. Rearrange your life so that you don't need willpower (like sell your car and burn your public transport subscription, so that you have to go by bicycle).

Beating oneself up about lack of willpower is really sad (I do it myself, but it's wrong).

I recommend "The Willpower Instinct" by Kelly McGonigal. There are also YouTube videos of her speaking.

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#94

Post by gobots »

ageofwant wrote: post #80
gobots wrote: post #11

I had struggled with untreated suicidal depression for 15 years. I was very quiet about it. I am a web developer. Three years ago I was divorced from my wife, left my birth religion and quit my job. On top of all my issues I was suffering from burnout – I hadn't had a vacation in years. Since I was the religious guy at my job I worked the holidays and was promised make up time. Company policy shifted at some point an…

Not knocking ya mate but getting a religious education from the likes of Dawkins, Hitchens and Sagan is like taking dance lessons from Stephen Hawking, just saying.

I'm an atheist.

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#95

Post by robg »

w0rd-driven wrote: post #79
gobots wrote: post #11

I had struggled with untreated suicidal depression for 15 years. I was very quiet about it. I am a web developer. Three years ago I was divorced from my wife, left my birth religion and quit my job. On top of all my issues I was suffering from burnout – I hadn't had a vacation in years. Since I was the religious guy at my job I worked the holidays and was promised make up time. Company policy shifted at some point an…

Winter is particularly difficult for me. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder pretty much describes it perfectly. Vitamin D deficiency is huge and easy for someone with the sedentary lifestyle most of us lead. At the bare minimum, proper supplements helped me or just getting out in the sun with the intent that I need to recharge so to speak. I think your key points help me in my spells as well: st…

I experienced symptoms of SAD for most of my life. Then I started taking D3 supplements six years ago. Blood testing showed I was severely deficient in Vitamin D. The supplements got me to normal ranges. My symptoms have not returned.

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#96

Post by tragic »

As others have said: for the time being at least, we have an NHS in this country. See your GP. Tell them you've been having those kind of thoughts. You will be referred to somebody who can help.

Reflections on associated issues:

There's a big problem with stigma attached to mental health issues, as is well observed by many. This is true 'in general'. But it can be easier to punish yourself when something like a breakup triggers a serious depressive episode - it feels 'stupid' to be so miserable about something that happens to everybody everywhere. It's just not true. A bad breakup is pretty traumatising. The human brain has innumerable virtues. A built in sense of perspective is not one of them. A qualified professional is not going to judge you for it; sometimes even just an hour with a therapist - just the act of going into the office, even - can puncture the worst of it.

More importantly, sometimes that can't - because some obvious proximate cause for a depressive episode can mask longer-term underlying mental health issues.

Alpha, omega: drag yourself into a doctor's office. All the best.

EDIT: clarification

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#97

Post by comrh »

imdsm wrote: post #38
comrh wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Shut it you demeaning, ignorant, jerk. Not everyone believes in your definition of "mortal sin" or even the concept and telling someone struggling with something so profound to "not be a crybaby" is one of the most rage inducing, unhelpful and ridiculous things I've ever heard. You have no idea what you are talking about.

Don't feed the trolls.

I know, I know. This subject is just one that gives me such a deep visceral reaction I couldn't help myself. sigh

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#98

Post by jorgeleo »

There is no simple or easy answer. And no one can tell you "I know how you feel" because we all feel different. So...

1. Get medical help. There is a lot to be said and done with the right doctor and therapist

2. Believe or not: WALK 20 minutes a day

3. GOTO 1

You need to feel better, but that will only happens if you take action towards it. And it begins with medical help.

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