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Suicidal Software Developer

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Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#2

Post by tomorgan »

About the only useful part of this response is: I feel for you. I understand what you're going through, and I'm going to try and convince you to stick with it.

The rest of this: well, take it or leave it.

Sounds like you've managed to coincide two bad things in one go: a bad place in your career, and a bad place in your relationship. You've ended up with a double-whammy, so it's hit you hard.

From (limited) experience, I'd say let the relationship thing sort itself out. I know how it feels now: and it'll take 6 months before you wake up and go through the day, and then realise that you didn't think about it all day. That's when you know you're over it. Until then, just accept it. There are no shortcuts.

Meanwhile, focus on the job. It's the thing you CAN change. If you don't like it, change it. Maybe, even if it's "ok"... change it anyway. You need something that will distract, excite and occupy you for the next 6 months.

That's what I did anyway (also from the UK, also sporting a beard and feeding a cat). Change the career if you need to, because it's easier. Go and do something that makes you happy, for short-term (and long-term) happiness. The rest will sort itself out.

just my 2p

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#4

Post by pistle »

You can rebirth yourself in this life at any time. Run (towards or away). When you can't run, fight. When you are beaten in the fight, become reborn.

For every group of 1, 100, 1 million people who you think see you as a failure, there are billions of others who will only know you as a whoever you are the first time they see you.

Internally, reconsider any rigid concept of self. Who are you? What do you value? Why do you value that?

You can spend each sublife toiling away to only see it destroyed by external or internal flaws in the design or tooling.

You have to let go of your 'self' to find yourself and that can mean trials and tribulations, but struggle and suffering is the human condition. Happiness comes in various sizes by playing the game with the human condition and having it go better than bad.

Small victories await. You must PLAY to win and play to WIN.

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#5

Post by stopachka »

I feel you man. There's 2 things you might want to consider

1 - Losing your largest connection and current love sucks 2 - Programming is inherently lonely.

Why not go on a mini vacation of sorts? I don't think there's that much socialization out there for you by staying, but you could travel, join some dancing classes, reconnect with family. There's a lot of fun in that

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#6

Post by norswap »

I empathize. Have considered that there are other ways to "snap" than suicide (or violence in general)? Go and do something crazy, something you like. Not something to impress others. You don't need to help African children if you don't want to. You might just want to stay home and play some world of warcraft, that's totally fine. But whatever you do, don't do it to numb the pain, and don't do it for other people, do it for yourself.

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#7

Post by Loque »

I also have a beard and have a relationship with a cat, and was with someone who I thought I would be with for the rest of my life, I also live in the UK and worked in London for over 5 years. I now run a small studio in Wales and day-to-day it is tough, I have been dealing with suicidal thoughts also and it is not easy. The only advice I can give is hold tight, it is very hard finding decent people (few and far between). Don't forget to enjoy the things you do for yourself, and slowly continue to hack away at things you want to change in your life - if I have learnt anything as of late, it is that things take time. All the best if you read this.

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#8

Post by blencdr »

I had quite the same story...

The thing that took me out of that state was to force myself to have a goal, and make everything possible to reach it.

Time heals the injuries. That's a cliché, but that's true.

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#10

Post by prateek_mir »

ofcourse suicide is illogical !

And since you are a logical person, here's a (partly) logical advice - Take a break. Go on a vacation, or even better, go on exploring. Its highly likely that you'll gain new perspective (followed by seeing new opportunities, and new interest).

Don't leave the job unless you have a better option.

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