How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

I saw that you got some flack for this comment, but I think your comment is very insightful. If it were possible to construct a regression on start-up inputs vs success, I suspect average hours worked past 6 hours every single day would not account for much in explaining success. (The occasional crunch time is a necessity, of course.)

Working hard is definitely a must, but I think market timing, number of competitors, and other features have more of an impact on success than whether you put in another 4-5 hours a day. In some new markets, there are so few competitors or such a huge distance between the leader and the laggard that hours worked doesn't even matter.

In some cases, capturing mind-share does enough to get you further resources and that alone buys you luxuries that free you from 14 hour days.

When I moved to New York to join 80/20, I left my then girlfriend and our son who was 3 back in Denmark for almost a year.

A lot of my (now) wifes friends told her that I was crazy to do that, that their husbands would never do that to them or their kids and that I chose career instead of family.

The thought of disrupting ones life for something uncertain is to many the #1 fear and is the reason why many say "we would love to live and work abroad" but when it comes down to it they don't.

My thinking one the choice I made was tactially problematic, it is never a good idea move away from certainty in the short run. But strategically I feel like I made the right decision and for a very simple reason.

Your kids grow up and while they might adore you when they are young they will also grow up and become their own individual.

And while I definitely want to see them grow up I also want to be there with them when they are older and perhaps even be something other than a dad.

Lifes complicated and there are no right or wrong choices. All we can do is trust our intution and that might sometimes be trusting what seems counter intuitive.

We all now live together in NY and had another son. And while I certainly understand the difficulty of finding the balance between you and your family but never forget that there will be a point where you are not that type of father anymore and by that time if you are not careful you loose whats just as important as seeing your kids grow up, you loost your ability to define you as more than a dad.

Spot on. The truth hurts.

It's telling that these comments rarely solicit many replies on HN, even though they apply directly to what HN is all about. I have no sympathy for willful ignorance.

Having been recently married and with no kids yet, I am fortunate enough to have a supportive wife who is letting me pursue a partially selfish dream of founding a startup. The glamor of the pursuit has long since faded. Execution is my hammer for every type of hurdle while Time lurks in the shadows conspiring with Denial and Self Doubt. I hope that I'll have the perfect lifestyle that will allow me to spend quality time with the ones I have chosen to be with and have brought into this world. Quality time can only exist if they are provided for with more than just love, but also a roof over their head, money to pay bills, and food on their plates. What we all seek is security and founding a startup puts the burden on you more often than a corporate job. There is no get rich quick scheme here but I have to try to see if I can achieve immortality by killing myself through hard work. If I am a mere mortal, I will succumb to the daily grind having a bit more certainty of my capabilities and a steady paycheck.

It's absolutely true. I work less now and get far more done (I would say more than 3x) of what I did when I was pulling 7-days-a-week work marathons.

People waste lifetimes thinking they are working hard but are really just puttering around.

It's been stated by authors (I mentioned Tony Shwartz in another comment and I highly recommend his book) but I offer this analogy:

Consider you are standing next to a roaring river. It is treacherous. It is dangerous. On the other side, it looks like it's a lot nicer (more grass, nicer setting, maybe a picnic table all set up) than the side you are standing on.

Sure would be nice to get over there. But man, to swim that current...dangerous. So maybe you could build a raft? You start looking for wood, something to put it together. Can't find anything. You try looking at the river to see if there's an easier way to cross. Maybe some shallows? Not sure.

Then, behind you, suddenly there is a pack of lions. They look hungry. They ARE hungry. And they see you. And they start loping your way, drool dripping from their teeth. This ain't Hobbs. This is real. These lions are going to literally rip you apart and it's going to happen in a few seconds.

How long does it take you to get across that river now? Are you still going to try and build a raft? Still going to look for a shallow end?

Still going to worry about getting wet?

Focus is a curious thing. We think are 100% committed to something, but we are really not. We achieve what we are truly focused on.

I mean, it sure FELT like you were working 100% on getting across the river when you were trying to lash together a raft and when you were scouting the river for an easy way across. But when it meant getting across or being eaten, THAT'S when you focused truly 100%.

The secret is learn how to FOCUS, truly focus, put your entire mind intensely on the most important task...then take a break, recover. Then do it again. And wow...does it ever work.