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How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

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Re: How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

#91

Post by bippi »

josefresco wrote: post #12

There is no amount of money that can make up for missing dinner times, bed times, play times and even bad times that you experience with your kids. Don't fool yourself into thinking "once I get this right, I'll have all the time in the world to spend with my kids". This will never happen, and if it does it will be too late to form that close bond, and share your life with your kids. I'm in to work (my own business) a…

It seems the parents that don't spend time with their kids, end up HAVING to spend time with their kids later in life with many issues that could have been corrected easier when they were younger.

A ham-fisted example: stealing a pack of gum vs. stealing a car.

I guess the workaholics I see, end up having this happen with themselves.

Re: How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

#92

Post by vishnugupta »

kimdouglasmason wrote: post #70
lkrubner wrote: post #35

I think Paul Graham summed up the situation fairly well when he wrote: "Economically, you can think of a startup as a way to compress your whole working life into a few years. Instead of working at a low intensity for forty years, you work as hard as you possibly can for four. This pays especially well in technology, where you earn a premium for working fast." and this: "Combine all these multipliers, and I'm claimin…

Most startups fail. Throwing some of the best years of your life away and shirking parental responsibilities for a remote chance of a payoff is simply a dangerous form of gambling. Paul Graham is basically just talking his own book. His model is to fund a heap of cheap companies that overwork work young, naive people. Most of these companies fail. The occasional one succeeds enormously which more than covers the cost…

This. I couldn't but agree with every single sentence you've written (though I haven't worked at SF)!

I almost fell into this trap while I was inspired to work for a super cool team within a bigger company; a la start-up within a giant. I, unfortunately, got inspired enough that I ignored my new born, didn't see him grow up. I realized that I was being played just in the nick of time (after an year).

Irony is that now I'm in a real start up for almost two years and these two years have been best years of my life, both professionally and personally. I get to work on something that's really challenging and rewarding and at the same time I get to spend a few hours of high-energy time with my son, wife and family (I also am very active reader).

All this just because I figured out how to balance by spending sane hours at work and work at home late night once in a while when everyone is asleep!

My take away from this experience is; after your needs are taken care of to a comfortable extent never trade time for anything. Not for money, not for equity not for anything. Especially if you have a young family. Watch your child grow spend time with her; children develop emotional attachment by the time they are 5 and it only comes with spending time.

Even if you don't have family don't trade your time; go see the world, read something new, learn something interesting. But don't give away your time.

Re: How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

#93

Post by [deleted] »

untog wrote: post #83
[deleted] wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[deleted]

I think you're reading too deeply into what I said. Spending fourteen hours a day might well give you a greater chance of success than working six. But the chances of success are still so remote that it isn't worth ruining your life over. That's the part that PG is invested in - the idea that startup success is within the reach of anyone who works hard enough. It isn't. if we amend your second sentence to read, "whil…

[deleted]

Re: How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

#94

Post by sliverstorm »

jdbernard wrote: post #75
Tyrannosaurs wrote: post #30

"My dear Daughter, Wait for me." Of all the things that might happen, much as we'd like it to be different, I can guarantee that this is one which won't happen. However upsetting it may be now (or looking back in the future), time isn't going to wait for you and all those firsts, all those events and experiences you miss, won't wait and won't happen again. We tell ourselves it isn't a choice but for many of us it is.…

> We tell ourselves it isn't a choice but for many of us it is. Most of us could earn enough money to support our family comfortably in a relatively regular 9 - 5 job. We might not be personally as satisfied and we might not be as financially well off, but we can choose one possible version of our life over another. I'm currently in the 9-5 job and maybe I'm just a whiner, but I feel the same as this guy. I hate the…

There is a spectra of 9-5 jobs. Some suck a lot, some suck a lot less. You don't have to pick between only the job you have right now or startups; there are more choices than that.

Essentially what I am saying is, it might be time for you to look for a different 9-5 job.

Re: How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

#95

Post by Tyrannosaurs »

beat wrote: post #80
justinpaulson wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"if you focus you can probably get three times as much done in an hour." This part makes no sense to me. Why can I produce 3x as much work in an hour at a startup because I "focus"? I think that's a bit of a stretch.

I think over the longer term, it's true, although not for individual hours. Knock some of pg's essays if you want (they deserve it), but "Maker's Schedule, Manager's Schedule" hits the nail on the head about productivity. http://www.paulgraham.com/makersschedule.html

I actually find this essay odd.

What it says is fundamentally true but I'm curious about the allocation of "maker" and "manager". As someone who has worked as a manager and a developer, I value uninterupted time in both roles. It doesn't matter whether I'm planning, or writing a proposal, or coding - large chunks of uninterrupted time are good, a broken up day is bad and less unproductive.

Certainly managers might more often have to respond to changing situations (though if you're a developer with any involvement in support you might question that) but if they opt to plan around frequent task changes when they don't have to that's just odd.

To me it just feels like a difference between people who manage time well and those who don't, rather than a maker / manager distinction.

Re: How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

#96

Post by rmgraham »

I work from home for a startup. My daughter is in the next room, I can hear her watching Curious George.

And I still teared up reading the poem, because I could have written it myself.

I don't know about the author, but for me the startup part of the equation is a symptom, not a cause.

Re: How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

#97

Post by harlanlewis »

Evgeny wrote: post #48
lkrubner wrote: post #35

I think Paul Graham summed up the situation fairly well when he wrote: "Economically, you can think of a startup as a way to compress your whole working life into a few years. Instead of working at a low intensity for forty years, you work as hard as you possibly can for four. This pays especially well in technology, where you earn a premium for working fast." and this: "Combine all these multipliers, and I'm claimin…

but when I had my own startup, I gave up reading the news And my question would be: did you miss something important, that could be life-changing if only you had seen it on the news? Being off the news myself (except tech news) for more than a year now, I'm yet to experience such an "event". But of course some non-technical news "sip through" - get posted on HN, you hear from family etc. So there is no way to really…

You're right that the news is rarely actionable or locally 'useful'. But I do read the news and go to events where foreign journalists speak to shape my perception of the world, its diversity and scope, it helps me engage with people from considerably more varied backgrounds (and futures), it reveals new ways to approach or conceptualize unrelated events in my own life. Dont restrict yourself to the SF myopia (which is so easy and attractive).

Useful? Nah. Necessary? Absolutely.

Skip techcrunch, network tv, and USA today. Look for groups like commonwealthclub.org and find out who smart folk pay attention to (Ezra klein's following list on twitter is pretty golden).

Re: How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

#98

Post by Loughla »

dustinbrownman wrote: post #43
josefresco wrote: post #12

There is no amount of money that can make up for missing dinner times, bed times, play times and even bad times that you experience with your kids. Don't fool yourself into thinking "once I get this right, I'll have all the time in the world to spend with my kids". This will never happen, and if it does it will be too late to form that close bond, and share your life with your kids. I'm in to work (my own business) a…

Do you feel like your colleagues secretly look down on you because of this? I work with all single, younger folks, and while they're always supportive, I can't help but feel like I'm seen as not pulling my wait. Almost certainly a projection on my part, but I'm curious if others with strong family priorities feel the same.

I'll answer with a question; does that matter?

When I had a kid, I worried what the other individuals at my level would think when I started taking vacation regularly, and paired my work day down to 8-5. I know that one, who I used to work incredibly closely with, looks down on my hours now, and believes that there is no way that I can still be productive in 8 hours instead of the 12 he pulls every day.

After a bit, though, I realized that co-workers' opinions only matters as long as I'm at my current job, and that I can replace them at a moments notice, whereas it's harder (and costlier) to replace my partner and kids.

Priorities realigned, I know my work output, my superiors know my work output, the rest be damned.

Re: How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

#99

Post by [deleted] »

untog wrote: post #83
[deleted] wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[deleted]

I think you're reading too deeply into what I said. Spending fourteen hours a day might well give you a greater chance of success than working six. But the chances of success are still so remote that it isn't worth ruining your life over. That's the part that PG is invested in - the idea that startup success is within the reach of anyone who works hard enough. It isn't. if we amend your second sentence to read, "whil…

[deleted]

Re: How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

#100

Post by japhyr »

jdbernard wrote: post #75
Tyrannosaurs wrote: post #30

"My dear Daughter, Wait for me." Of all the things that might happen, much as we'd like it to be different, I can guarantee that this is one which won't happen. However upsetting it may be now (or looking back in the future), time isn't going to wait for you and all those firsts, all those events and experiences you miss, won't wait and won't happen again. We tell ourselves it isn't a choice but for many of us it is.…

> We tell ourselves it isn't a choice but for many of us it is. Most of us could earn enough money to support our family comfortably in a relatively regular 9 - 5 job. We might not be personally as satisfied and we might not be as financially well off, but we can choose one possible version of our life over another. I'm currently in the 9-5 job and maybe I'm just a whiner, but I feel the same as this guy. I hate the…

Having a job you hate is not beneficial to you or your family in the long run, other than keeping food on the table. You don't want to look around the day your kids leave the house and feel like you have lost yourself completely, and no one in your family wants to see that either.

Have you started to look for other work? It's not easy to throw a job search on top of everything else on your plate, but if it gives you some of your own life back, it could be well worthwhile.

I have a 3-year-old son, and it's been an interesting ride. This year was supposed to be more relaxing because we got into a better living situation, but then my wife was getting bored staying at home every day. So she got a really interesting job, but the job ended up being way more involved than either of us expected. So our schedules are pretty hectic, but it's worth it to see her mentally stimulated and avoiding the professional detachment that can come from stay-at-home-parenting.

I have some really interesting personal projects going, which have been affected by family stuff. I have responded by stretching out the timeframe on these projects. That is better than giving up these projects entirely, and it is way better than ignoring my family in order to finish the projects.

If you limit yourself to one or two kids, your kids will be grown up and out of the house in no time, and you'll never get that time back with them. "Out of the house" doesn't mean 18 and living somewhere else, it can mean 6 and in school most of the day, or 12 and in all kinds of activities all the time. Those early years are prime family time; I hope everyone is able to let themselves enjoy that period of life.

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