How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

I own my own business, and work with my wife who also shares the same feelings about work/life balance. I work for other business owners and while many boast/brag about the hours they work, the wise ones who have kids tend to agree with me (even if they don't practice it themselves).

I rarely have a client demand my time in the evening/night or weekend. If I do I usually try to accommodate (the life of client work!) but don't make it a habit.

I do think you are projecting, although if you co-workers have issues with you clocking out "early" it's completely on their end. If you spend the day chit-chatting and clock out early, you may not be leaving the right impression. But if you clock in, kick ass and go home at a reasonable time I can't see anyone having issues. It's also good to explain to people why you have to leave at 5 or earlier, so they know you're not just looking to skip out, but rather you value your home life enough that you don't want it compromised by your work.

I really appreciate this poem. I have a two year old and a six month old, and I had no conception of how I committed I would feel to my children until I had them.

I actually took some risks and worked super hard in my mid-20s to mid-30s, prior to having kids. I am so glad I did it then.

Another way to read this post, if you are young, is as a warning - you may think it is scary or hard to take risks now, but go for it. When you have children, it will be much, much harder. Every minute you are working, you will feel torn that you aren't with your kids, and every minute you are with your kids, you will feel torn that you aren't working (to provide for them). If you can use your twenties to gain some financial freedom and control of your time, it is really worth it.

I went through a period of thinking that I had 'wasted' my 20s on hard work, while everyone else was partying/backpacking/skiing/whatever. I now realize that my 20s (and early 30s) were an investment for a vastly better reward - the time and financial freedom to be with my family in my late 30s/early 40s when my children are young. I couldn't be happier with the outcome of those choices, and I didn't really see it coming, because I did not understand the depth of feeling I would have for my children.

But for the young people out there in their 20s - your opportunity cost will never be lower. Go for it. Invest in yourself. Working until 10pm on something you care about won't always be without painful tradeoffs. Forgoing income to try to start something won't always be so easy.

Thanks for sharing. I don't think you need a wife and kids to have this outlook on work. If you have a family (mom, dad, uncles, aunts etc.), or friends or even a hobby, balancing those with work is key, and unlike your job/startup those "people" in your life will be around a lot longer and will enrich your life more.

I think it depends on where you work. I work for a large corporation and don't find it troubling even to leave around 4:30, although I'm known to be the first in the office usually around 7.

I do sometimes feel the pressure to get stuff done so I work from home after the kids are asleep, but it's difficult (and hard on a marital relationship) to get in more than an hour of extra time for this every evening.

I've come to the conclusion that:

a) When I go home, I go home. I try very hard to drop everything at work and not worry about it until the morning.

b) I love having the time with my family. I want more of it, and want to eliminate my commute. I'm looking into freelancing and remote work as a possible route, although competition is fierce and I need to put food on the table. My research is telling me that I need to bolster my resume with skills (from what I've seen, bigco work doesn't align well with freelancing & remote work teams, although I would be ecstatic to be wrong), and I don't know if I have the time to do this. It's a chicken & egg problem, and I may not solve this without herculean effort.

Couldn't agree more. The post is very well written and reads like a poem, but the message is terrible on all counts. It sounds like a soldier being forced to go to battle crying for the family he leaves behind, where in fact it's entirely his own choices. And if it's some sort of an internal torment, being torn between two passions that conflict with one another, then I would suggest he gets a grip and decide which sacrifices he wants to make and which he doesn't and find the right balance.

It's probably my first negative comment on HN, but as a new father of a 6 months son, and a co-founder of a startup, this just irritates me. I spend 2-3 days per week working from home, being able to take a lunch break with my wife, or change nappies for my son or feed him in the morning before hacking away. I catch up later at night when he sleeps, but generally manage my time well between those two. I'm not a perfect father and not the most successful entrepreneur, but these are the choices I made and the challenges I face. I think it's important for my son that I'm going to be around, but also that he has a father that is proud of his work and enjoys what he does.