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I'm About as Good as Dead: The End of Xah Lee

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Re: I'm About as Good as Dead: The End of Xah Lee

#221

Post by logfromblammo »

sanxiyn wrote: post #119
logfromblammo wrote: post #106

Sounds like the guy needs a friend more than he needs a job.

He has friends. Read the post again.

I read it again. What you may not realize is that people with many friends and people with few or none have different meanings for that word.

He may simply be describing the two people that would actually notice if he vanished from the face of the planet as his friends because that is the closest thing he has to one.

It's fine to wash dishes if you need money, but if he ever wants a better life for himself, putting up with the annoyances of people who are not like you is a skill that must be both learned and practiced. Introverts, especially extreme loner hermits, have to sacrifice some of their essential spiritual essence to the vampiric extroverts occasionally, in order to have a better quality of being left the hell alone the rest of the time.

A guy like this really needs a mediator to introduce him to more outgoing types, let them have a taste, and then protect him before they scare him back into the shell. It's very unlikely he could do it alone.

Re: I'm About as Good as Dead: The End of Xah Lee

#222

Post by andywood »

I am willing to 'out' myself as a human being who has struggled with serious mental illness my whole life, if there's a chance it could help this person. I have also had a long and prosperous career, including 5 years as a senior engineer and lead at Microsoft. These two things are very nearly orthogonal. I.e. my medical history has very little to do with my employment history.

But being compassionate does not require you to analyze this person's merits. The only thing to 'analyze' is that he begged you for help.

Also, please remember the hackers, family, and friends we have lost to suicide. People say "I wish we'd known. Maybe we could have helped." Well, you know; and there is a chance you could help.

http://www.paypal.com

Re: I'm About as Good as Dead: The End of Xah Lee

#223

Post by zymhan »

IanKelling wrote: post #165
terhechte wrote: post #32

Xah, if you're reading this: Based on the comments on your page it is not clear whether you can or can't accept money via Paypal. Your Emacs resources have always been very helpful to me. I'd be willing to send you some money. Do you happen to have a Bitcoin address that I could send something to?

I just spoke to Xah on the phone. He does want people to donate to his paypal address. He can transfer it to someone to cash it out if needed. He will be making further updates on his site, probably later today to be clear about that. He will be looking into bitcoin also. So feel free to donate, I think at least his contributions to emacs documentation make it worthwhile.

Can't he get a Paypal debit card for free, so that he can spend the money directly from the account?

Re: I'm About as Good as Dead: The End of Xah Lee

#224

Post by chillingeffect »

kylec wrote: post #188
overgard wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I get what you're saying, but I also tend to think: if they're so smart, why not learn some social skills? It's not like being socially awkward has to be an innate thing; they're called social skills for a reason, you can learn them. Many people were once socially awkward, and then fixed it. It's not particularly fair, but social awkwardness does tend to send a signal about what people value. And what a socially awkw…

Social skills are very hard to learn. The best way to learn something is to get a result, positive or negative, for a given input. When interacting socially, results can be difficult to observe, especially when you don't know what to look for, and often can be time delayed. It's also virtually impossible to test a specific behavior in isolation, which makes it difficult to detect what specific thing might cause you t…

This is the reason behind manners. They may be bullshit, but they're a conservative basis from which to begin.

For example, manners say, "don't swear at people in conversation." We all know it can be okay to swear at people in conversation, but Xah Lee hasn't learned when to swear at people.

Xah Lee, stop swearing at people for now and stick to your technical guns. Once you get on some stronger footing, experiment with venting.

Re: I'm About as Good as Dead: The End of Xah Lee

#225

Post by brudgers »

overgard wrote: post #110
mercer wrote: post #90

Cases like this, when the talented person in question is a geek who "doesn't interview well," always frustrate me. Most of my professional success is a result of social skills and a lot of experience with wildly different social environments and cultures. While I do work hard at being actually good at what I do (because that's just more fun!), I could get pretty far as a cruddy developer. And that just feels unfair,…

I get what you're saying, but I also tend to think: if they're so smart, why not learn some social skills? It's not like being socially awkward has to be an innate thing; they're called social skills for a reason, you can learn them. Many people were once socially awkward, and then fixed it. It's not particularly fair, but social awkwardness does tend to send a signal about what people value. And what a socially awkw…

Social skills covers a lot of ground, from being honest to ass-kissing. Xah Lee seems decidedly stronger in the former than the latter.

Re: I'm About as Good as Dead: The End of Xah Lee

#226

Post by JasonFruit »

andywood wrote: post #222

I am willing to 'out' myself as a human being who has struggled with serious mental illness my whole life, if there's a chance it could help this person. I have also had a long and prosperous career, including 5 years as a senior engineer and lead at Microsoft. These two things are very nearly orthogonal. I.e. my medical history has very little to do with my employment history. But being compassionate does not requir…

As a person who has struggled with the same, I disagree. Compassion and "help" from strangers would have helped me very little — might even have harmed me. The compassion of my family and friends, their encouragement, honesty, and support, helped me beyond measure. I don't think strangers on the internet can fill that rôle.

Re: I'm About as Good as Dead: The End of Xah Lee

#227

Post by mercer »

michaelochurch wrote: post #179
mercer wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Indeed. I know a few people who have a (strong) mood disorder, and one characteristic they all share is that they tend to be more abrasive and 'rigid' in general, even when they're in a good mood.

When you're bipolar, you spend less time in the emotional midrange, where social skills are built, and develop a social deficit. (Some people recover in their 20s, because a 20% social deficit is catastrophic at 20 but not at 40-- being "socially 16" at 20 is devastating, but at 40, it means you're socially 32, which is not a big deal-- but some don't). You also spend more time than most people in intense states, whi…

Thank you for that! The type of people I befriend tend to suffer from disorders, and while I've often come to understand much about how they function, this was something I was particularly curious about. It makes a lot more sense to me now, and I'm pretty sure it might solve some of the misunderstandings and conflicts now that I know this.

Re: I'm About as Good as Dead: The End of Xah Lee

#228

Post by overgard »

kylec wrote: post #188
overgard wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I get what you're saying, but I also tend to think: if they're so smart, why not learn some social skills? It's not like being socially awkward has to be an innate thing; they're called social skills for a reason, you can learn them. Many people were once socially awkward, and then fixed it. It's not particularly fair, but social awkwardness does tend to send a signal about what people value. And what a socially awkw…

Social skills are very hard to learn. The best way to learn something is to get a result, positive or negative, for a given input. When interacting socially, results can be difficult to observe, especially when you don't know what to look for, and often can be time delayed. It's also virtually impossible to test a specific behavior in isolation, which makes it difficult to detect what specific thing might cause you t…

I mean, I can't argue they're hard to learn, but in terms of things you can invest time in compared to the value it'll bring you... wow!

I'm not trying to pick on people that lack social skills. Obviously that's an unfortunate predicament. But I do think the general nerd meme that social skills "shouldn't" matter.. I don't like that. They do matter, a lot, there's no getting around it.

Re: I'm About as Good as Dead: The End of Xah Lee

#229

Post by mercer »

serf wrote: post #116
thegeomaster wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is his resume really skimpy? I thought it was rather good, but I have no reference points on what is and what isn't considered good enough.

I don't think it's skimpy, but maybe wrongly ordered and perhaps some stuff should be omitted. Example : Accomplishments (at the top) : High school dropout Education (at the bottom) : Member of MENSA. seems obvious to me which one of those two should be getting played up more. His site has been personally very helpful to me, and I hope that he has a run of better luck.

I'd remove both, as they paint a picture that is predominantly negative (even if it might be incorrect).
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