Do Men Suck At Friendship? • Hacker News Board

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#151

Post by vacri » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 9:06 AM UTC

seanccox wrote: post #115

Quoted text below from this source: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/300997-ok-now-let-s-have-som... OK, now let’s have some fun. Let’s talk about sex. Let’s talk about women. Freud said he didn’t know what women wanted. I know what women want. They want a whole lot of people to talk to. What do they want to talk about? They want to talk about everything. What do men want? They want a lot of pals, and they wish people…

There is more divorce now because it is no longer a burdensome shame to break from a joyless marriage. People change and mature in different ways, and young people aren't known for making sensible decisions affecting the rest of their life. In ye olde days, people would stay with abusive (or boring) spouses purely because the social stigma of leaving was worse. These days that stigma is largely gone in much of the West.

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#152

Post by _delirium » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 9:10 AM UTC

mseebach wrote: post #119

adwn wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wonder when "America" ceased to mean "the two continents North and South America" and started to mean "USA" in the heads of US citizens. There's a reason why "European" isn't synonymous to "German", and why "Asian" isn't synonymous to "Chinese".

As I understand it, America = USA is not a US thing, it's an anglophone thing. For most of the history of the continent, if you were an english speaker, you were simply most likely to speak about the bit that's the USA, thus it got abbreviated. All language is littered with abbreviations that literally mean something broader, but has changed meaning for convenience. A car, for an example, technically means anything w…

Is it specifically anglophone? If anything, I think America=USA is a stronger association in some continental European languages. In English it's common to use "American" as an adjective, but not so common to use "America" as a noun to mean the USA, saying things like "I have a cousin in America" or "I took a vacation to America last year" (in both of these cases constructions like "the U.S." or "the States" are more common). But in Greek you'd definitely use "Αμερική" in those cases too, unless you were writing formally (in which case you'd say "Ηνωμένες Πολιτείες" or ΗΠΑ).

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#153

Post by alex_doom » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 9:11 AM UTC

elohesra wrote: post #141

Has anyone actually read the studies linked by the author to back up his drivel? I'll save you some time: the 2007 study isn't valid even by the low levels of scientific burden required for psychological studies (it's entirely based on self-reporting), and the 1982 study support the opposite conclusion to the author's. In fact, the 1982 study [0] finds that men and women simply have different kinds of friendships, wh…

Men's Journal is basically Cosmo. Bullshit journalism and fluff.

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#154

Post by vacri » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 9:11 AM UTC

cperciva wrote: post #60

cdr wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I really hope I'm missing some sarcasm there.

It was a quote from 'When Harry met Sally', but a study recently backed it up: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/men-and-women-cant...

A study on the gender interactions of undergraduate students really shouldn't be used to describe the wider population. They're in a very artificial environment, in a tumultuous phrase of life.

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#155

Post by slavoingilizov » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 9:13 AM UTC

wikiburner wrote: post #94

Xcelerate wrote: post #78

> That's because nearly all research into healthy aging has found that the key to a long, happy life is not diet or exercise but strong social connections – that is, friendships. Loneliness accelerates age-related declines in cognition and motor function, while a single good friend has been shown to make as much as a 10-year difference in overall life expectancy. This makes me sad :( My mother passed away from cancer…

I would get him a dog. I would also set him up on Skype so that you and your sister can interact with him in a personable way more often.

I agree it may help, but how on earth is a dog the same as a companion? It will fill a different void but certainly not the lack of a soulmate.

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#156

Post by vacri » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 9:13 AM UTC

bolaft wrote: post #111

vacri wrote: post #53

I don't understand why the author thinks that a good friendship requires collecting some gossip for his wife for each hour or two of contact.

He doesn't. At the end of his story, after he rekindled his friendship with this surfer guy, he still has no gossip for his wife.

Looks like I read the end of it the wrong way, thanks.

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#157

Post by adwn » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 9:17 AM UTC

pcmonk wrote: post #116

adwn wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wonder when "America" ceased to mean "the two continents North and South America" and started to mean "USA" in the heads of US citizens. There's a reason why "European" isn't synonymous to "German", and why "Asian" isn't synonymous to "Chinese".

There's no other word in English to say "from the US". When I'm talking with my Latino friends who don't like me using the word "American", I just say "gringo". But that obviously doesn't work well for general usage.

> There's no other word in English to say "from the US".

Actually, there is: "US American" [1], though it's rarely used.

[1] https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/US_American

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#158

Post by seanccox » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 9:17 AM UTC

vacri wrote: post #151

seanccox wrote: post #115

Quoted text below from this source: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/300997-ok-now-let-s-have-som... OK, now let’s have some fun. Let’s talk about sex. Let’s talk about women. Freud said he didn’t know what women wanted. I know what women want. They want a whole lot of people to talk to. What do they want to talk about? They want to talk about everything. What do men want? They want a lot of pals, and they wish people…

There is more divorce now because it is no longer a burdensome shame to break from a joyless marriage. People change and mature in different ways, and young people aren't known for making sensible decisions affecting the rest of their life. In ye olde days, people would stay with abusive (or boring) spouses purely because the social stigma of leaving was worse. These days that stigma is largely gone in much of the We…

It's a Vonnegut quote.

I think he was lamenting the shift he had witnessed in American culture, from his common personal childhood experience – in a very large family – to the 'nuclear' family that tended to characterize America from the 1950s onwward. 'Slapstick', where I grabbed the quote, was written in 1976.

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#159

Post by lotsofcows » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 9:18 AM UTC

serf wrote: post #71

I wrote a big long spiel about the comments in this thread, but i'll summarize to save everyone some time. The culture-centricity in this thread is kind of sickening, and as hackers I hope that everyone who is reading through it remembers to attempt to take things as a neutral observer and apply scientific methods to your findings; and take anecdotal evidence at it's worth.

Oh! As a hacker I was planning on calling bullshit and doing my own thing as normal. I'll try it your way...

Hmmm... it's all anecdotal including the original post and the citations... there is no scientific method present... so it's all bullshit and I'll just do things my way as normal.

There's been some interesting discussion though.

Re: Do Men Suck At Friendship?

#160

Post by xyzzyz » Wed, Apr 23, 2014, 9:19 AM UTC

vacri wrote: post #151

seanccox wrote: post #115

Quoted text below from this source: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/300997-ok-now-let-s-have-som... OK, now let’s have some fun. Let’s talk about sex. Let’s talk about women. Freud said he didn’t know what women wanted. I know what women want. They want a whole lot of people to talk to. What do they want to talk about? They want to talk about everything. What do men want? They want a lot of pals, and they wish people…

There is more divorce now because it is no longer a burdensome shame to break from a joyless marriage. People change and mature in different ways, and young people aren't known for making sensible decisions affecting the rest of their life. In ye olde days, people would stay with abusive (or boring) spouses purely because the social stigma of leaving was worse. These days that stigma is largely gone in much of the We…

What you say is true, but the grandparent is arguing why people want a divorce and why today's marriages are boring for participants. The implication is that even if access to divorce had been as easy 100 years ago as it is now, people would still divorce less frequently than they do now, because of the extended family stuff.