My girlfriend told me she doesn't love me anymore and she doesn't want to continue the relationship with me after 3 years and I am really a mess. I post this on HN because I have serious problems in staying focused, I missed my deadlines, can not work anymore, can't even sleep. Not sure what to do and how to move on especially with my work and how can I start coding again because I can't even open sublime because of lost motivation, focus and happiness. What can I do asap before I lose all my clients?
Ask HN: Broke up with girlfriend, how to get on track with projects?
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Re: Ask HN: Broke up with girlfriend, how to get on track with projects?
#2You've got clients, so you're a contractor, right? Which means you have savings... hopefully?
I'd be straight with them, and tell them you need some time off for personal reasons. Be specific as to how long you want. Help them find a stand-in in the meantime if appropriate. If you deal well with them rather than just going AWOL you stand a good chance of keeping good relationship with them.
I'm really sorry you're going through a hard time. I'm sure you'll pull through it. Hang in there!
Re: Ask HN: Broke up with girlfriend, how to get on track with projects?
#3Subcontract out the work. Get referrals from your friends to do this. This gets the clients what they need (the work done on time) without mixing your work with personal drama.
What's the nature of the projects involved?
Not enough people take these kinds of 'small' personal tragedies seriously. Sorry to hear that you're having a poor time.
Re: Ask HN: Broke up with girlfriend, how to get on track with projects?
#4Well take a small break go out for a picnic to near by place. Try to get normal.
I would suggest read this one : http://www.cosmopolitan.com/celebrity/news/how-guys-handle-b...
P.S It helped me in same situation in the past.
Re: Ask HN: Broke up with girlfriend, how to get on track with projects?
#5Set aside time for grieving and time for working; it can help to set small goals. Talk to your friends, when you're ready, about how you're feeling, and ask for their help and support. Take it slowly, don't ask too much of yourself, and realise that not all your passion in life came from your relationship. Good luck.
Re: Ask HN: Broke up with girlfriend, how to get on track with projects?
#6The only thing that reliably gets rid of negative emotions for me is hard exercise. Is there a local gym with classes that interest you?
Re: Ask HN: Broke up with girlfriend, how to get on track with projects?
#7Well take a small break go out for a picnic to near by place. Try to get normal. I would suggest read this one : http://www.cosmopolitan.com/celebrity/news/how-guys-handle-b... P.S It helped me in same situation in the past.
That list is pretty good actually and I normally hate Cosmo. I have definitely been this person: "Hey, do you guys want to get together and play Settlers of Catan?" turns into "This was really fun. We should do this every night." turns into "Please don't leave me. Ever."
Since you can probably work remotely, can you go stay with a good friend or family member, preferably in a different city? You need someone to talk to who will be nearby all day long.
Sometimes when I really don't want to work, I have to psyche myself into it, like I'll start watching a new episode of a favorite TV show, slowly open Sublime in another monitor, look at my issues list, start writing a little bit of code, and keep Hulu on autoplay. I find that there is nothing more emotionally distracting than a really good TV show (which is really bad when you are trying to be productive, but not so bad when you're suffering). I think the key is getting past opening Sublime, once you start working, you'll have short bouts of not thinking about the ex.
Also, could you go work at a coffee shop with a friend? They can make sure you at least go through the motions of starting to work and you have to compose yourself while out.
I really feel for you man, I know it must be really rough. I hope you feel better soon :)
EDIT: I just thought about the Girls plot line where Charlie makes an app where it costs you every time you text or call your ex. Would any of these apps help? http://techland.time.com/2013/08/24/ex-lover-begone/
Re: Ask HN: Broke up with girlfriend, how to get on track with projects?
#8Similar situation about five years ago; dumped from a 4-year relationship in my last quarter at college. Just barely made the minimum grades required to finish my classes and graduate. I hate to say it, but it's going to take time before you start to feel "normal" again. If you don't think your clients will understand your need to take some personal time off (I'd say there was a death in the family), and if you can't subcontract out the work, force yourself to work in very small increments. Set a timer for, say 15 minutes, and do absolutely nothing else but work. Then go back to dealing with the grief process for a bit, and then force yourself to work for another 15. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Even if you aren't particularly productive in the beginning (you won't be), you'll at least start enforcing habits. Once you find yourself getting some things done, slowly increase the amount of time you spend dedicated to working.
I know you feel like shit right now, but there's a lot to be said about dealing with the break-up process. You'll come out on the other side knowing yourself much better. This probably won't make sense just yet, but reading this helped prompt the turning point for me (when I started to feel like a human again): http://jessicajjohnston.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/....
Good luck, man. You'll be fine; it's just a matter of time.
Re: Ask HN: Broke up with girlfriend, how to get on track with projects?
#9take a moment to reflect upon how much power you're giving this person over your entire life.
Re: Ask HN: Broke up with girlfriend, how to get on track with projects?
#10If it is affecting your work and sleep, you should probably talk to a therapist; a counselor or psychologist. A professional could help you get your bearings while you adjust to this, and give you advice.