Raising a moral child

#1

Post by sanoli » Tue, Apr 15, 2014, 12:35 PM UTC

Re: Raising a moral child

#2

Post by oliyoung » Tue, Apr 15, 2014, 1:12 PM UTC

That made a lot of sense, especially when illustrated with the "that was a bad thing to do" rather than the "you're a bad person for doing that"

Re: Raising a moral child

#3

Post by mrcactu5 » Tue, Apr 15, 2014, 1:18 PM UTC

I grew up and live in New York City - where people are not very caring. But how do we measure that?

  In an Israeli study of nearly 600 families, 
  parents who valued kindness and compassion 
  frequently failed to raise children who shared those   
  values.

How do you quantify kindness and compassion?

Re: Raising a moral child

#4

Post by jawns » Tue, Apr 15, 2014, 1:25 PM UTC

The experiments this op-ed describes are really neat. I especially like the one that demonstrates the importance of "practice what you preach."

Here's another cool experiment related to social/moral development, which you can perform on your own kid:

Have two grown-up friends each show your baby a toy. The first friend should offer the toy to your kid but then retract the offer and keep the toy to himself. The second friend should offer the toy to your kid but "accidentally" drop it out of reach.

Now, give your baby a different toy, and then prompt her to share it with one of the friends.

Your baby is very likely to share it with the friend who dropped the toy, rather than the one who withdrew the toy.

The above experiment is based on a 2010 study involving 21-month-olds. It found that two-thirds of the kids shared with the person who dropped the toy -- and the other third kept the toy to themselves. Not a single one shared with the person who offered the toy then retracted the offer. (I talk about this more in "Experimenting With Babies" http://www.experimentingwithbabies.com)

Not only is this fascinating because it shows that babies act preferentially toward people who are kind to them ... but it holds true EVEN IF the person who initiates a kind act is unable to complete it, but demonstrates the proper intent. Think about the complexity of the cognitive processes that are going on in that evaluation. It's amazing!

Re: Raising a moral child

#5

Post by [deleted] » Tue, Apr 15, 2014, 1:30 PM UTC

mrcactu5 wrote: post #3

I grew up and live in New York City - where people are not very caring. But how do we measure that? In an Israeli study of nearly 600 families, parents who valued kindness and compassion frequently failed to raise children who shared those values. How do you quantify kindness and compassion?

[deleted]

Re: Raising a moral child

#6

Post by dulse » Tue, Apr 15, 2014, 1:30 PM UTC

oliyoung wrote: post #2

That made a lot of sense, especially when illustrated with the "that was a bad thing to do" rather than the "you're a bad person for doing that"

Yes, that part seems really important, defining the separation between the things that you do and your sense of self identity sounds like it's a critical part of creating a healthy sense of self esteem.

Looking inward it feels like I still struggle with this pattern of thinking sometimes, as I suspect many people do (the feeling of "that project failed" vs. "I'm a failure, this project is evidence of this fact" is worlds apart).

Re: Raising a moral child

#7

Post by Shivetya » Tue, Apr 15, 2014, 1:31 PM UTC

mrcactu5 wrote: post #3

I grew up and live in New York City - where people are not very caring. But how do we measure that? In an Israeli study of nearly 600 families, parents who valued kindness and compassion frequently failed to raise children who shared those values. How do you quantify kindness and compassion?

are they unfriendly or merely conditioned to look away?

Re: Raising a moral child

#8

Post by bdg » Tue, Apr 15, 2014, 1:34 PM UTC

For anyone who wants to know more about the topic: Adam Grant (the author) has been doing a lot of work around this concept of "givers" as a personal trait and how behaviors around the actions of giving/taking/matching results in various levels of success or early indicators for other things. This article is really a subset of his research applied to just this one case.

Re: Raising a moral child

#9

Post by cstavish » Tue, Apr 15, 2014, 1:36 PM UTC

jawns wrote: post #4

The experiments this op-ed describes are really neat. I especially like the one that demonstrates the importance of "practice what you preach." Here's another cool experiment related to social/moral development, which you can perform on your own kid: Have two grown-up friends each show your baby a toy. The first friend should offer the toy to your kid but then retract the offer and keep the toy to himself. The second…

Who would have thought that 21-month-olds are predisposed to Kantian ethics?

Re: Raising a moral child

#10

Post by a2kadet » Tue, Apr 15, 2014, 1:43 PM UTC

bdg wrote: post #8

For anyone who wants to know more about the topic: Adam Grant (the author) has been doing a lot of work around this concept of "givers" as a personal trait and how behaviors around the actions of giving/taking/matching results in various levels of success or early indicators for other things. This article is really a subset of his research applied to just this one case.

I just finished his book Give and Take. It was a great read.