I should totally get a hat.
I bought one. Turned out it looks better on my s.o., so it's hers now.
The shy connector: How to get strangers to talk to you
11–20 of 31 posts
Re: The shy connector: How to get strangers to talk to you
#12Good advice. But the author, a self-identified introvert, comes across as someone who's genuinely interested in other people. Some people, introvert or extrovert, are just not that interested in others. This isn't a bad thing - self-focused people accomplish much in the world. I see empathy as orthogonal to extraversion, and it's not something you can fake (unless you're a psychopath!).
Re: The shy connector: How to get strangers to talk to you
#13I should totally get a hat.
It is a generally good idea to try to weat something that you consider unusual for you or even unacceptable. It could be bright red or yellow or orange coat, jeans or hat. It is very useful experience - you will notice that people are looking at you - that very important experience (which couldn't be extracted from books or other way) for shy prople on the way of self-development. And you also will notice that the sky still didn't fall on earch because you're wearing this imposible (for you) hat or coat.
Re: The shy connector: How to get strangers to talk to you
#14Good advice. But the author, a self-identified introvert, comes across as someone who's genuinely interested in other people. Some people, introvert or extrovert, are just not that interested in others. This isn't a bad thing - self-focused people accomplish much in the world. I see empathy as orthogonal to extraversion, and it's not something you can fake (unless you're a psychopath!).
But people who don't care to talk to other people would not be reading this. This advise is for a select group of people (introverts who want to meet others).
Re: The shy connector: How to get strangers to talk to you
#15I should totally get a hat.
It is a generally good idea to try to weat something that you consider unusual for you or even unacceptable. It could be bright red or yellow or orange coat, jeans or hat. It is very useful experience - you will notice that people are looking at you - that very important experience (which couldn't be extracted from books or other way) for shy prople on the way of self-development. And you also will notice that the sk…
I sometimes wear a bathrobe. Not one I actually use as a bathrobe... Just instead of a trenchcoat. It's ridiculously comfortable, and gets people to talk to me.
Re: The shy connector: How to get strangers to talk to you
#16Good advice. But the author, a self-identified introvert, comes across as someone who's genuinely interested in other people. Some people, introvert or extrovert, are just not that interested in others. This isn't a bad thing - self-focused people accomplish much in the world. I see empathy as orthogonal to extraversion, and it's not something you can fake (unless you're a psychopath!).
But people who don't care to talk to other people would not be reading this. This advise is for a select group of people (introverts who want to meet others).
Exactly. It is wonderful that a reflected, empathic introvert has finally been able to figure out something like this. I am in the same spot as the author right now, and the thing that really gets to me is that I have to fake being an extrovert in order to connect with other people. It isn't really that hard (it's just acting), but it is really draining when it shouldn't be.
The ideal way to interact would be to be able to be myself while still managing to spark some openness and life in my conversational counterpart. After all, most deep wants are somehow achievable, and there isn't any obvious reason why it should be impossible to connect with other people if you happen to hate smalltalk and often enjoy being alone.
The definition of introvert is not requiring that much external social stimulation, not hating to interact with other people.
Re: The shy connector: How to get strangers to talk to you
#17I can just see myself now...
"It's a pretty nice day. Hasn't been too humid lately."
"Yeah. Hey so what are you passionate about?"
Re: The shy connector: How to get strangers to talk to you
#18Good advice. But the author, a self-identified introvert, comes across as someone who's genuinely interested in other people. Some people, introvert or extrovert, are just not that interested in others. This isn't a bad thing - self-focused people accomplish much in the world. I see empathy as orthogonal to extraversion, and it's not something you can fake (unless you're a psychopath!).
But people who don't care to talk to other people would not be reading this. This advise is for a select group of people (introverts who want to meet others).
True, but I wish someone would write a guide for people like me to avoid conversation with strangers when I don't want to have one.
If I'm in an elevator, what's the quickest way to make someone stop talking to me about my bike? If I'm waiting for a bus, what's the quickest way to get a stranger to stop talking to me about his life? If I'm reading a book, what's a polite and effective way of saying "Sorry if you're illiterate, but I actually do read for pleasure"?
Re: The shy connector: How to get strangers to talk to you
#19I can just see myself now... "It's a pretty nice day. Hasn't been too humid lately." "Yeah. Hey so what are you passionate about?"
Check out darkxanthos' crazy social desensitization exercise.. He talked to a stranger every day for 30 days and it became so much more:
"Social Skydiving with a Code Monkey: Day 15 Halfway There"
http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=693981
I know your comment above was sarcastic but..
Think about how you talk with your good friends.
How it just flows. The idea behind leapfrogging small talk is to talk like you're friends already.
It's a bit of a Jedi mind trick but the basic idea is to prime the pump. When you walk up to someone point blank (especially a stranger, especially a pretty girl) - 'What are you up to?' - you're putting all the onus on them to carry the conversation, believe it or not. Because you didn't have the courage to actually start a conversation. They don't know you - so of course they'll say 'nothing' or 'errands. bye!' to politely blow you off. You didn't invest much so they won't invest much back. And the conversation will die.
Commitment is everything! Asking someone a question is not starting a conversation. Tell them something about themselves.
How to start a conversation? Practice. Compliments are great. If you notice something interesting about someone, instead of just keeping it in your head. Just walk over confidently and say it. "I like how you are so engrossed in that book in the midst of the craziness here".
Never state a fact without a feeling. Facts are boring.
Re: The shy connector: How to get strangers to talk to you
#20Good advice. But the author, a self-identified introvert, comes across as someone who's genuinely interested in other people. Some people, introvert or extrovert, are just not that interested in others. This isn't a bad thing - self-focused people accomplish much in the world. I see empathy as orthogonal to extraversion, and it's not something you can fake (unless you're a psychopath!).
The author primarily struck me as shy and/or socially anxious. I am an introvert in that I have VERY little interest in people and feel mentally drained after even the most fun and relaxing parties, but feel energized after isolation.
And yet I have no problem initiating conversation or small talk or meeting new people or anything like that. In fact one of my pet peeves is when people confuse introversion for social anxiety, they are not the same thing.