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The Hypocrisy Of Sam Yagan and OkCupid

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Re: The Hypocrisy Of Sam Yagan and OkCupid

#301

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Tell that to the people who were citing Eich's other donations to "anti-gay" politicians, to further damn him.[0][1] (I'm guessing parent poster is not one of them, though.) If it counts against Eich, let's not let anyone else get a pass for the same thing. At the least it seems perfectly fair to grill Yagan pretty hard on this. Maybe nobody will because the story is saturated and/or this headline is not as juicy. Yo…

Yes, you could say "donations can have thousands of motives" in the same way about a single issue group. But saying that would be unnecessarily obtuse and argumentative - one supports a single cause the other supports thousands of stances. You only donate to anti prop 8 if you are sufficiently opposed to gays marrying to spend money on it. I think it is by definition a bigoted act, and to use your words, morally repu…

Perhaps I am being too nitpicky, fair enough. Personally, I'd still rather entertain shades of gray, then turn into a bigot against people I think are bigoted.

I'm interested in your distinction "sufficiently opposed to gays marrying to spend money on it". This has turned up quite a few times in these threads. Apparently merely being opposed to gays marrying is, like, unfortunate, but doing anything about it crosses the line to absolutely insufferable. Are you saying this? Then what's the point of being "allowed" to have an opinion some people don't like, if actually doing anything about it is "wrong"? Is it the money that makes it bad? Trying to convince others to your viewpoint? Any action besides just voting? Is voting against gays marrying worse than just thinking to yourself that they shouldn't?

This may again be nitpicking, but I'm not trying to argue, just wondering where people draw the lines.

Re: The Hypocrisy Of Sam Yagan and OkCupid

#302

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, you could say "donations can have thousands of motives" in the same way about a single issue group. But saying that would be unnecessarily obtuse and argumentative - one supports a single cause the other supports thousands of stances. You only donate to anti prop 8 if you are sufficiently opposed to gays marrying to spend money on it. I think it is by definition a bigoted act, and to use your words, morally repu…

Perhaps I am being too nitpicky, fair enough. Personally, I'd still rather entertain shades of gray, then turn into a bigot against people I think are bigoted. I'm interested in your distinction "sufficiently opposed to gays marrying to spend money on it ". This has turned up quite a few times in these threads. Apparently merely being opposed to gays marrying is, like, unfortunate , but doing anything about it crosse…

Money ~= power. Prop 8 was to reduce freedom of gays by non gays. Gay marriage has only "eww factor" affect on straight marriage.

Thus, while it is fine to prefer gays not marry, it is wrong for group a to exert power against group b to limit group b's freedom when group a suffers no harm either way.

Having the opinion is questionable. But when you exert your power over another group, you enter a sphere of active rather than passive bigotry.

Re: The Hypocrisy Of Sam Yagan and OkCupid

#303
post #298

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Simply put, if 2 same-sex people wish to partake in "marriage" they have a fundamental, unquestionable right to do so. Is that the wording in the decision, or is that your modern understanding of the word marriage influencing your interpretation?

No, SCOTUS has affirmed "marriage" in the general sense as being a fundamental right 14 times. There's not a lot of qualification in the recognition of the right. e.g. Maynard v. Hill (1888) "Marriage is something more than a mere contract, though founded upon the agreement of the parties. When once formed, a relation is created between the parties which they cannot change, and the rights and obligations of which dep…

Just so you won't feel your efforts here have been entirely useless (as one can often feel in such conversations), you have convinced me of this point, that restrictions on marriage are a modern view and not supported by ample case law.

Re: The Hypocrisy Of Sam Yagan and OkCupid

#304
post #298

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, SCOTUS has affirmed "marriage" in the general sense as being a fundamental right 14 times. There's not a lot of qualification in the recognition of the right. e.g. Maynard v. Hill (1888) "Marriage is something more than a mere contract, though founded upon the agreement of the parties. When once formed, a relation is created between the parties which they cannot change, and the rights and obligations of which dep…

Just so you won't feel your efforts here have been entirely useless (as one can often feel in such conversations), you have convinced me of this point, that restrictions on marriage are a modern view and not supported by ample case law.

Thanks for the reply. I too have strong emotions about this subject, but am trying to keep conversational about it.

If in question about the Constitution and the intent of it, I usually just refer to the first bits of the Declaration of Independence

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness"

Re: The Hypocrisy Of Sam Yagan and OkCupid

#305

Earlier quoted context omitted.

right. ignore the validity of my comments. just take offense to the words. Whilst living in Montana, I have been harrassed multiple times for my sexuality. I have been beaten to unconsciousness by people I didn't even see approaching me, left with a sign saying "HOMO" on my body. I have had a rope around my neck, and three men lift my drugged body to a tree so I could die. Thankfully, a less bigoted person scared the…

>if you think I'm exaggerating about how groups of angry citizens almost always lead to senseless violence If you're saying that groups of angry people always lead to senseless violence, you're wrong, and there's no history book that will back you up. Yours is the typical argument against the concept of anger in defense of of a person who has inspired anger. Completely empty. To say that a particular reaction isn't j…

You have set up a straw man by omitting the "almost". You're right, though; if I had said they always led to violence, everything you said would be true, but I didn't. So it isn't.

You seem to have set up a straw man for each paragraph. And they're all unique.

Nice to see you again, BTW.

Re: The Hypocrisy Of Sam Yagan and OkCupid

#306

Earlier quoted context omitted.

right. ignore the validity of my comments. just take offense to the words. Whilst living in Montana, I have been harrassed multiple times for my sexuality. I have been beaten to unconsciousness by people I didn't even see approaching me, left with a sign saying "HOMO" on my body. I have had a rope around my neck, and three men lift my drugged body to a tree so I could die. Thankfully, a less bigoted person scared the…

>if you think I'm exaggerating about how groups of angry citizens almost always lead to senseless violence If you're saying that groups of angry people always lead to senseless violence, you're wrong, and there's no history book that will back you up. Yours is the typical argument against the concept of anger in defense of of a person who has inspired anger. Completely empty. To say that a particular reaction isn't j…

[deleted]

Re: The Hypocrisy Of Sam Yagan and OkCupid

#307

Earlier quoted context omitted.

right. ignore the validity of my comments. just take offense to the words. Whilst living in Montana, I have been harrassed multiple times for my sexuality. I have been beaten to unconsciousness by people I didn't even see approaching me, left with a sign saying "HOMO" on my body. I have had a rope around my neck, and three men lift my drugged body to a tree so I could die. Thankfully, a less bigoted person scared the…

>if you think I'm exaggerating about how groups of angry citizens almost always lead to senseless violence If you're saying that groups of angry people always lead to senseless violence, you're wrong, and there's no history book that will back you up. Yours is the typical argument against the concept of anger in defense of of a person who has inspired anger. Completely empty. To say that a particular reaction isn't j…

[deleted]

Re: The Hypocrisy Of Sam Yagan and OkCupid

#308
post #238

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What a fantastic strawman you've constructed! Give me a minute to marvel at it. You do excellent work. Okay, now that the dazzle has worn off, perhaps you could tell me when I said that Anti-gay activists donating money to fund constitutional amendments would be a good thing? because I really don't remember saying that. However, I agree with your second paragraph. You can't be a good citizen for equality while donati…

What a fantastic strawman you've constructed! Give me a minute to marvel at it. You do excellent work. Please don't use aggressive sarcasm on Hacker News. It adds no information and corrodes civility. Consider how much better this comment would be if one deleted everything before "Perhaps". Editing out inflammatory language is the low-hanging fruit of optimizing for signal/noise ratio.

Thank you, I will adjust myself accordingly.

On another topic, this might be the best moderation I've ever received on any forum ever. So thanks for that. This restored a little faith I had lost when I was convinced HN had eternal-septembered.

Re: The Hypocrisy Of Sam Yagan and OkCupid

#309

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> But it simply isn't. First, consider the fact that he chose to step down. He wasn't booted out by Mozilla. He stepped down under enormous political pressure. Also, OK Cupid had a campaign against Firefox, not Eich. Firefox's brand was being hurt. At that point, he did the honorable thing under such attack, which was to step down. > You have no entitlement Does that mean discrimination is ok? If we have no entitleme…

Does that mean discrimination is ok? Not all discrimination is bad (another difference between the legal and dictionary versions of the same word). In particular, I think the common difference between okay discrimination and not-okay discrimination is judging people for what they are vs what they do . The first is unfair and cruel, the second is a necessity of daily life and may or may not be cruel depending on circu…

> Not all discrimination is bad

That's like saying "not all murder is bad" or "not all rape is bad". It's a negative action that we should discourage to progress as a society.

Here's the definition of discrimination.

"the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people or things"

synonyms: prejudice, bias, bigotry, intolerance, narrow-mindedness, unfairness, inequity, favoritism, one-sidedness, partisanship

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> Tolerance does not mean accepting intolerance. Intolerance should be named, shamed, and driven out of our society as an ugly and corrupting influence.

Tolerance means respect for all people. It benefits us as a community as well. Positivity or Negativity spreads. Precedents are set by behavior.

I'm against labeling people, because it encourages them to fulfill that label.

I subscribe to Labeling Theory because I have observed this in myself: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labeling_theory

'labeling theory postulates that it is possible to prevent social deviance via a limited social shaming reaction in "labelers" and replacing moral indignation with tolerance. Emphasis is placed on the rehabilitation of offenders through an alteration of their label(s)'

> You keep bringing up this word, "demonize", "disrespect" and so on. Why do you think that morally judging Eich's actions is either of these things?

The line is crossed when you judge Eich as a "bigot". You can criticize his support of Prop 8. But when you attack him, you are assaulting his character & giving him the identity of a bigot. It does not help him. It does not help you. It does not change his mind. Tolerance does change minds. Removing fear changes minds.

The perpetrator/victim role dynamic that we ascribe to others goes beyond this Eich scandal. It's a pattern & certain aspects of the so called "rights" movement have created such a story.

Gay rights & Women rights are emotional subjects. Speaking as a heterosexual male, I'm aware of the power a woman has to get her way. If she were to accuse me of violence, even if it's not true & even if there is no other evidence, I'm going to jail. There is no due process. There are also a number of other rights that the male does not have in these situations.

Public perception is conditioned to side with the "victims" against the "perpetrators". In this example, people are going to side with the woman, independent of evidence in this situation. This also includes harsh & unthoughtful anger toward those who are viewed as perpetrators & even those who speak out against the group. There is a air of self-righteousness to this anger, which makes people even less understanding.

That is the dark side of moral righteousness. The target of the crowd are often the victims of brutality, motivated by self-righteousness.

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> Freedom of speech != Freedom from criticism. it's expressly illegal in this country to have civil rights unequally applied. Case law recognizes marriage as one of those rights, so even if we remove all ethics from this discussion, it's still illegal.

I agree with both points. Prop 8 was overturned for good reason. I'm mainly disturbed by the mob mentality & how quickly someone is labeled as a "bigot" (a person who is obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices). That is a serious accusation & label to put on someone.

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I suspect that there is a personality divide on people's opinions. I'm relativistic. I appreciate how morals change with society. Our society is also diverse. One aspect of society enforcing their morality on another aspect of society creates conflict. This is part of culture & ideas. Sometimes, there's a battle.

I'm proposing that we settle this through reflective, mature, & deflamatory discourse. The same facts will come out. The same conclusions would be drawn. There would be less shame, stress, & other resentment. I suspect you would have gotten a more satisfactory answer from Eich.

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> Your theory has no more support than mine.

Exactly. We don't know what happened. He is silent on the issue. There's no evidence of him being a "bigot". He supported prop 8. It would be interesting to know why. Silence is a common response to group criticism.

> the people who support apartheid didn't appreciate the group coercion to change their stance either

Those people were in power used coercion to silence their critics & perpetuate apartheid. The whole system of apartheid was based on disrespect of the individual & labeling races as "inferior".

The only avenue against this system was resistance & to gain the support of other nations. Nelson Mandela did not demonize his opponents. He had respect for his opponents. He won because his vision respects autonomy, inclusiveness, respect, & intelligence.

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Thank you for the thorough & deep discussion :-)

Re: The Hypocrisy Of Sam Yagan and OkCupid

#310
post #238

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What a fantastic strawman you've constructed! Give me a minute to marvel at it. You do excellent work. Please don't use aggressive sarcasm on Hacker News. It adds no information and corrodes civility. Consider how much better this comment would be if one deleted everything before "Perhaps". Editing out inflammatory language is the low-hanging fruit of optimizing for signal/noise ratio.

Thank you, I will adjust myself accordingly. On another topic, this might be the best moderation I've ever received on any forum ever. So thanks for that. This restored a little faith I had lost when I was convinced HN had eternal-septembered.

I only saw this now by accident, but thanks for saying that! It's encouraging.
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