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I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

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Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#221

Post by seeingfurther »

Snail_Commando wrote: post #139

I don't know if you'll see this, but I hope you do. I've struggled with addiction and I've made decisions that I'm ashamed of and disgusted with. There was a period of my life when I was also hopeless. I thought that I had lost everything. In a sense, it was true. (Rather, I destroyed most of what I had and subsequently lost the remaining pieces.) Despite all of that, it does get better. It took me far too long to ac…

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this comment. This is effective actionable advice for the OP with a positive attitude. HackerNews comments from low karma kids aren't dead!

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#222

Post by BinaryAcid »

aestra wrote: post #217
BinaryAcid wrote: post #213

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Its section on non-believers is completely offensive (to me). It basically says "accept god or die." There is no section to non-believers. There is a chapter to agnostics.

Nope. http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_bigbook_chapt4.pdf "if that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experi- ence will conquer. To one who feels he is an atheist or agnostic such an experience seems impossible, but to continue as he is means disaster, especially if he is an alcoholic of the hopeless variety. To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis ar…

That's a paragraph not a 'section to unbelievers'. The chapter is titled "We Agnostics". Theism, agnosticism, and spirituality are not synonymous. It's sad that you find AA to be such a threat that you created an account exclusively to 'refute' the comments in this thread with vitriol and militant secularism.

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#223

Post by brucefancher »

toerojas wrote: post #207
aestra wrote: post #161

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>You should find those people, meet them and get out of drinking I don't mean to be offensive but... This can work, however it might not work depending on who you find. Many former addicts I personally know have replaced their drug habit with a religion habit. They are actively preaching religion at almost all times. This is probably due to the twelve step programs. If you aren't into religion or being preached at, y…

Agreed. AA is a religious program, and if you're not religious you shouldn't do it. It's also not backed by sound medical research, and about 50% of people drop out after the first 90 days. What is effective about twelve step programs is the support network you build. It's important to have friends you can call on when you're thinking of going to the bar, or just want to take a walk or try something new.

I'm a third generation atheist, no religious upbringing or beliefs whatsoever and I found AA to be quite effective. YMMV, but if you want to quit drinking there's no harm in attending a few meetings and giving it a try.

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#225

Post by DonGateley »

I have 16 years sober after ending homeless and literally in the gutter (no millions passed through my hands but it was still a lot.) I had been fighting with it for 20 years watching everything and everyone slip away as you have. This is better than that.

Yes, it was AA that supported me through it. No, I am not religious now and wasn't then. I was just willing to suspend disbelief long enough to try something. I am at a loss to explain why it worked but that doesn't matter.

Despite what many people think AA requires no faith or belief of any kind beyond acceptance of the fact of your situation.

Many read "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity" as a statement of belief in a spiritual solution. It is not that at all, it is merely a hypothetical that is pretty hard to deny on the face of it. Bill and Bob were really, really smart.

Take that hypothetical, suspend disbelief, do the recommended prayer and meditation with the caveat "I don't know if this has any real meaning but, whatever" if you need that and see what happens. That's what I did. I don't question the mystery of my recovery I just marvel at it. You can choose your eventual spiritual path or none at all later in the game but you have to have a game left to play to do that.

In summary, believe nothing but try anything.

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#226

Post by easy_rider »

nijo108 wrote: post #184
resdirector wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'll bite. This hasn't been my experience nor the experience of anyone I know who uses Ritalin or Aderall (or Dexedrine). YMMV

I agree, amphetamine/methamphetamine really boost my creativity and productivity, however it was too much for me to handle. I have experienced some of the most intense mental breakthroughs and produced some of my most creative works with speed, but it takes it's toll in a heavy way, atleast if you go at it like I did. I am just now starting to feel normal again 6-months later after recovering from a 3-month speed fue…

Hear hear. Don't give in. If you wanna talk to someone who's had a similar experience. be welcomed. Although it didn't land me in the hospital, I must say I'm thankful of the support of my girlfriend. Even when I was listening to the shadow-people plotting against me, she supported me and helped me pull through. Don't kid yourself when you think you can manage on your own. Even if you have a super strong will which seems you do. The cravings can be bad, and giving in could be in a blink of an eye.

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#227

Post by stan_rogers »

aestra wrote: post #187
stan_rogers wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The vocabulary of AA is unfortunate. It has a historical underpinning (AA is essentially a single-purpose offshoot of an oddball "first century Christianity" feel-good movement) and it is incredibly difficult to find a way clear of the "AA cult" within AA. While I don't like it, I can (to a limited extent) understand it - people who have recovered are highly reluctant to mess with the program as they understand it. T…

>can be divorced from the idea of the supernatural, and actually boil down to an effective cognitive/behavioural therapy. So lets stop it with all the mumbo jumbo crap and go to real CBT.

The one part of AA that can't be simply transferred to a professional therapeutic setting is the peer support. There is absolutely no substitute for a large enough number of people who've been there, done that and puked on enough T-shirts that a sizable handful can tell you your very own story (with the dates, times and names altered somewhat). Learning how to live after the drinking (or other addictive behaviour) goes away is hage as well, and it's an ongoing process that takes years. Most "treatments" only take you to the point of feeling better, and it is far too easy to mistake feeling better for being well.

As I said in my previous, there are a whole bunch of us working on getting rid of the "mumbo jumbo", but we're unwilling to throw the baby out with the bath water. Those of us who've been around for long enough have seen the difference between merely quitting and a sustainable lifestyle change often enough to understand that merely removing the self-medicating behaviour is asking for a lifetime of the symptoms one was attempting to medicate. That is not enough for anyone. We've also seen how long it takes to go from black and white through various bit levels of greyscale to a full life of colour and nuance - the whole damned universe changes suddenly on a regular basis for about the first five or six years.

The problem I've seen with alternative efforts is that they either concentrate on a "quick cure" (a short-term effort that is supposed to take you through a lifetime, but winds up being about as effective in practice as leaving AA behind the moment you think you've got a handle on things) or treat the substance abuse as a separate concern from the rest of life. The problem tends to be that for some value of "better", life is better for the drunk on the other side of the bottle cap than it is on this side. That's what needs to change, and that's what a rational approach to AA provides.

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#228

Post by tripzilch »

prewett wrote: post #202
twobits wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"As another poster mentioned, addiction is about getting away from some kind of unbearable inner pain" Could you please give ideas how to id that pain? To be personally specific, my mother never told me positive things, always comparing me to some perfect ideal, and I also was beaten up for not good grades. These seem a "perfect" explanation from what I've read, but still I don't really see them as the cause of my pr…

I'd recommend journaling. It helped me to look at a bunch of feeling words [1] and write down how I am feeling.[2] Then ask why. Finding the answer to why may take a while. Also, there are several layers of why. (Ex. "Why do I watch lots of movies?" "Because it feels sort of relational and kind of numbs the loneliness." "Why?" "Because it is difficult for me to do actual relationships" "Why?" "I think maybe I don't r…

For people that can't relate to Christianity, and still need some help with the "forgiving" thing, I can recommend compassion meditation, aka Metta meditation.

It's not quite entirely secular either, because it often has roots in Buddhism. Still, you can easily practice it without needing to adapt any Buddhist teachings. I'm not a Buddhist and I don't desire to become one, but some of the practice is quite useful :)

I'm just pointing it out because I really agree with prewett, that forgiving (all sorts of things and people) is a very powerful and positive thing to do. Much more so than I expected before I practiced Metta meditation for a while--it was just one of many different series of meditation types/styles we did with our meditation group. It's had a very profound and long-lasting effect on me, also quite different/orthogonal to the benefits one gains from typical mindfulness meditation. Which I can also recommend btw, but the effects of the compassion meditation seem that more tangible, like it taught me things. Maybe that's just me though.

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#229

Post by annasaru »

It's very hard to deal with such an issue all by yourself. Hope you get therapy or coaching , something to ease your burden . It can definitively get better with time. Drinking is notoriously hard to shake off because it is sanctioned in so many situations for adults. I know this sounds crazy , but maybe join a group ( Art of Living, Hare Krishna, Sai) where you are forced to be constantly surrounded by people. These are safe ways of delivering a mental jolt while being surrounded by empathetic folks.I don't subscribe to them , but suggest use them as a tool and it's not hard to shake them once you are cured) . OR volunteer somewhere in a group that takes your mind off. Sorry I seem to be hawking Indian spirituality - but these groups that I mentioned readily accept anyone - and make them feel at home. Am sure other ethnic communities in the USA also offer similar.. All I am saying is a mental jolt, and gentle empathetic friends and family can cure , last but not least, a qualified therapist.

Being part of a group will accelerate your recovery , drain your negativity and heal. Talk is cheap so I will stop here.

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#230

Post by sizzle »

easy_rider wrote: post #205
dgabriel wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have ADHD and no tolerance for weed -- it ruins my headspace and makes me paranoid. I also hate ritalin/etc, so I manage myself using tools like lists, alerts (if I've been using my web browser for too long), calendars, and lots of visual cues around my workspace and home (color-coded stickies). I really, really wish drugs worked better for me, because it looks so much easier.

Yeah, routines sure help. I also TRY to put everything back in its own spot, but i always kid myself I can remember every location of everything, and do not need that. Exercise routines are also helpful (again, if I do not get bored/distracted 5 mins into it... meaning I have to go somewhere where I can only do activity x. Like the climbing gym, or a martial arts class. Drugs are not easier at all. Like I said, it's…

I have been taking chelated magnesium twice a day and it has helped a bit in lifting the "fog" sooner so I can sit down and start working.

L-Theanine sounds intriguing, is it in all green tea variants or do I need some special higher quality leaf?

What are your thoughts on dabbing? (wax + metal nail)

thanks for sharing your story and perspective, it helps a lot.

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