31–40 of 96 posts
For me personally, I see that people with mentors tend to do a lot better. Or at least a group of like minded people. Maybe there is something that can be built to help people like you or me?
Something to gets rid of the constant superiority complex of programmers and instead helps in passing knowledge down from expert to amateur.
Read the book "The Practicing Mind" by Thomas Sterner. In this moment you are already perfect exactly as you are, because in this moment there is no other way that you can possibly be. If you are already perfect in this moment, then what to do? Practice. It is committing to practice in this moment that will manifest a better version of yourself in a future moment. But realize, the practice need not be stressful, beca…
It sounds like you are trying too hard to feel validated and you want immediate success. You have written a very long piece including your entire background, the success of your peers compared to yourself, the positions and awards you have gotten in various competitions (for better or worse). You sound entirely focused on accolades and achievements yet you have only been going at this for at most 1/2 years. You need…
I'm in OP's shoes, except at 28. Nothing motivates me better than the thought of hitting 30. :)
I also seeked medical help but got disappointed by suggestions like "sleep a lot and eat well". That helps but not in the long run; neither can prevent this situation from happening in future. It does help, even more in the long run.
Your body is not just the carrying case for your brain. Your brain is an integral part of your body. Taking care of your body is taking care of your brain.
Depression often follows not taking care of yourself. If your body is suffering your brain (emotions, intellect) suffer along with it.
Sleeping enough, eating well, exercise is necessary for healthy emotions as well as healthy body. May seem boring but I think of it as fundamental background work to keep the entire system working well.
Don't worry about tech, you're 22, the world isn't going away.
For a time I couldn't even be in the same room as my computer. Being close to it would make me physically ill.
I took a year off. I'm still catching up on news that happened in 2012.
Some thoughts from skimming your post:
- You said you would lie to people about still being in school. Don't do that. Don't lie unless there's an imminent threat to your safety or that of others. Lying only adds to your mental and emotional burden, which will also take a physical toll on you. In your case, it probably also makes it more difficult for others to help you (by putting distance between you and those close to you, and feeding them false information).
- Don't act alone. Think of others. You can't do a startup by yourself. I learned that the hard way. While I was able to pull it off for a few years, it was at large expense, and ultimately resulted in burn out.
- Get rest. If you're at the point where learning new things is difficult because of burn out, it means you need a lot of rest. It could take months, even a year. Take a break, and reflect on the lessons your burnout taught you.
Our education system mandates that students must complete a mandatory two month apprenticeship at the end of their studies. The problem is that very few companies are willing to take on students, even for free. So I am in a kind of Catch-22 position.
It's a very depressing time.
Why do this? You're not a robot and you don't have all the answers. You need experience and you need social stimulus, especially at your age. Go back to school, slowly hack away at something all the while meeting different people, getting experience and trying to enjoy life.
You won't be a millionaire in your 20s or retire in your 30s so forget about that nonsense and don't let that be your benchmark.
"Even the concept of Prolog seems hard for me to understand."
Don't let that little item discourage you. I've been in the software business since 1974. The concept of Prolog is hard to understand. There's a lot of concepts in our business that are hard to understand...and that's not a failing on your part. Learning to live with what you don't know, and developing strategies for selecting what (and how much) to try to learn is key.