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My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

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Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#91

Post by ahomescu1 »

atmosx wrote: post #15
grecy wrote: post #12

Will it take every single voting age person in America having a first-hand experience like this to change health care? How can any sane person prefer this over the alternative offered by Developed countries?

No not even that I think. People in the USA perceives any kind of added tax, as money stolen from the state . Most of them do not have the notion of public regarded as something positive. Let's say it's a very different perception of property, compared to Europe. I am trying to convince myself that it's not wrong it's just different . I try to accept the fact that I don't understand their approach and get over with,…

I'm European, and I perfectly understand this approach. Increased taxes can go to increased services (and they do, in some countries), or they can go into the pockets of corrupt government officials (which they do, in many other countries). It's insane to pay higher taxes, and see no benefit in return. I often wish my own country had much lower taxes, to "starve the beast", in a way.

Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#92

Post by whyleyc »

declan wrote: post #45
soperj wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Main reason I never want to live in America is health care. Just knowing that no matter what I'll be admitted to the hospital and treated is something I never want to live without. *2nd reason would be gun violence.

You seem to be mistaken on both counts. First, a federal law called EMTALA requires hospitals to provide emergency treatment regardless of citizenship or ability to pay. Second, there is more violence in the UK (about 2.5x-3x times as much per capita -- 993 violent crimes/100K vs. 399 violent crimes/100K) than the United States. And more pro-2A decisions from courts have led to a trend of reduction in US gun violence…

Unfortunately we can't fact check your statistics since you didn't provide sources for them, but it's naive and irresponsible to compare "violent crimes" between the US & UK. The definition varies quite substantially - for example in the UK "violent crimes" encompasses harassment (without any physical injury) which to most lay people would not strike them as especially "violent".

The facts are that in 2010, the US had an average murder rate of 4.8 murders per 100,000 people - 4 times higher than the UK’s rate of 1.2 per 100,000. Likelihood of being killed would seem to me to be a more useful indicator of societal violence.

For those that are interested you can read more about these statistics here: http://blog.skepticallibertarian.com/2013/01/12/fact-checkin...

Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#93

Post by grecy »

danielweber wrote: post #81
grecy wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All developed countries (excluding the US) share similarities, that when painting with a broad brush, can be called the same. Namely: People pay taxes that pay for healthcare for every single citizen. No person is without care. (end of comparison). (You can tell people it's exactly the same as how they pay for Elementary and High School, how they pay for police and firemen, etc. etc.) EDIT: Implied in my broad statem…

> People pay taxes that pay for healthcare for every single citizen. No person is without care. (end of comparison). The Netherlands and Switzerland have a system of compulsory insurance that's closer to PPACA than it is to "pay taxes that pay for healthcare for every single citizen." Germany has a combination of sickness funds combined with insurance mandates. Singapore has compulsory health savings accounts. The US…

> The US technically has "no person without health care" because you can get it in emergency rooms

No, that's "no person without emergency care".

Also, in my broad painting, it was implied that the taxes have already paid for the care. Which is not the case in the US.

Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#94

Post by twoodfin »

joshmn wrote: post #40
molsongolden wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are you just using your money for copays/deductibles or does she not have any insurance at all? Will they stop treating her if you stop paying? Defer as long as possible and either work out a payment plan later or let the insurance company eat it down the road. I know many people who have been bankrupted paying off medical bills as they come but you should pay just enough to keep the treatments going. Let everything…

She does have insurance, and it's great insurance. The treatments are just so specialized that the bill, after the insurance does their "work", is still anywhere from $10k to $50k. They've made it clear that because the treatments are so specialized and that they have had to go outside of the normal realms for a patient (e.g. they had to bring in another specialist), that once the money stops flowing, things will nee…

She does have insurance, and it's great insurance. The treatments are just so specialized that the bill, after the insurance does their "work", is still anywhere from $10k to $50k.

That is not "great insurance". I am not a big fan of PPACA, but every single one of those plans has an annual out-of-pocket limit on costs (~$6,400 per individual, twice that for a family). My out of pocket limit on my (excellent) BCBS PPO is $500 + minimal copays.

Now that preexisting conditions are no longer a barrier to changing plans, you should shop around.

Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#95

Post by redthrowaway »

My father was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer in 2007. He died in 2010 at the age of 60. I was 25. He too had multiple surgeries, chemo, radiation, etc. While we here in Canada don't pay directly for treatments, there was the cost of missed work, medical supplies, and the like. The following is directly, and deeply, informed by my own very personal experiences with cancer:

Let her die.

Chemo isn't going to save her, and it sure as hell won't improve her quality of life. It will give you maybe an extra year to watch her fade away before your eyes, and will inflict all manner of pain and discomfort on her in the process.

Your mother is going to die, far sooner than either of you would wish. That's unavoidable. What you do have control over is the quality of her life in her last few months, and in the effect that her passing has on the people she cares about. You can control how you spend what time you have left, but you have precious little control over how much of it you have to spend.

I'd suggest reading How Doctors Die[1], a take on how those who have the most experience with cancer and its treatments choose to deal with it. Generally speaking, they don't.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I watched my stepmother tear herself apart refusing to accept the inevitable and pushing for every last available treatment. The extra six months or so that may have afforded him are not a six months I would wish on anyone.

You are going to lose your mother, and it will break both of your hearts. Pumping poison into her and bankrupting your family won't change that. Make your peace, and let her go.

[1] http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/20/your-money/how-doctors-die...

Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#96

Post by robotresearcher »

declan wrote: post #45
soperj wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Main reason I never want to live in America is health care. Just knowing that no matter what I'll be admitted to the hospital and treated is something I never want to live without. *2nd reason would be gun violence.

You seem to be mistaken on both counts. First, a federal law called EMTALA requires hospitals to provide emergency treatment regardless of citizenship or ability to pay. Second, there is more violence in the UK (about 2.5x-3x times as much per capita -- 993 violent crimes/100K vs. 399 violent crimes/100K) than the United States. And more pro-2A decisions from courts have led to a trend of reduction in US gun violence…

"emergency treatment" is not the same as the parent's "treated". Patching me up is not the same as taking care of my health.

You seem to be in some kind of denial about the downsides of life in the US. It is great in many ways, but the financial risk of poor health and the gun-related murder rates are not good compared to most developed countries.

You can still think it best overall without going out of your way to deny some serious issues.

Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#97

Post by joshmn »

kjackson2012 wrote: post #50

I'm sorry for your problems, but could you please clarify a few questions for me because there are a lot of problems with what I'm reading: 1) You claim to be 22 years old, but your dad hasn't had a relationship with your mom in 25 years... what does that even mean? 2) You're 22 years old and you accumulated $150k already? What sort of work did you do, and for how long? 3) You claim to be penniless, but you spend you…

1. They don't get along. They haven't slept in the same bed in 25 years. tl;dr my father is Catholic and doesn't believe in divorce, and no matter how big of an asshole my father is to my mother, she won't divorce him because she still loves him.

2. I mentioned it in the post, but to clarify: sold some tech to a hosting company, sold a few domains I scooped up, lotto ticket, had some really well-paying clients.

3. Again, I mentioned that I have free monthly Uber credit.

4. It became fucked when I was 18. I don't have credit cards, nor do I believe in them. Yes, I know there are other ways to recoup them, but still.

5. Everything from proton therapy to Folotyn to Gamma Knifes. Brain tumors are expensive.

Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#98

Post by Aloisius »

soperj wrote: post #26
grecy wrote: post #12

Will it take every single voting age person in America having a first-hand experience like this to change health care? How can any sane person prefer this over the alternative offered by Developed countries?

Main reason I never want to live in America is health care. Just knowing that no matter what I'll be admitted to the hospital and treated is something I never want to live without. *2nd reason would be gun violence.

> 2nd reason would be gun violence.

Funnily enough, the first time I ever saw a gun was on a trip to Paris on two military-looking guards when I was in my early 20s. They were pointed level which freaked me out.

Large parts of the US have very little interaction with guns or gun violence except for occasional stories in the news.

Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#99

Post by [deleted] »

soperj wrote: post #26
grecy wrote: post #12

Will it take every single voting age person in America having a first-hand experience like this to change health care? How can any sane person prefer this over the alternative offered by Developed countries?

Main reason I never want to live in America is health care. Just knowing that no matter what I'll be admitted to the hospital and treated is something I never want to live without. *2nd reason would be gun violence.

[deleted]

Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#100

Post by mclenithan »

I have been seeing this a bit on HN... To the OP and anyone else dealing with a situation similar:

This is going to be the worst time of your life. God forbid you have to go through it multiple times. You can't "save" people. Their misfortune is not your fault. You support, as much as you fucking can, you pay bills, you sacrifice, you love, you care, you show up! But at the end of the day, try to feel the love and not the anger and depression.

It won't "save" your loved ones, but you can save yourself from letting their sickness eat you as well. I feel so bad for this kid, real or not. I was just their in December and lost my second parent. I too share the burden of debt and stress and nightmares, all of which are immense. I hope she makes it, and if she does, give her the time with her son that she probably deserves. If she doesn't, you should first focus on just breathing, the rest of your future is dictated by letting your emotions go the course and not regretting supporting your loved one through the fight.

It's kind of like being a boat with your loved one and it's sinking. Everyone is watching it sink. You scream and yell all you want, but everyone knows its going down. Soon you sink and it stills shocks you, even though you also knew it was going to happen. Don't try to breath underwater.

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