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Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

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51–60 of 82 posts

Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#51
post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Touché... I'm an optimist I guess!

haha..good guess though—I am female.

haha! w00t hit me up: darkxanthos at gmail dot com

My life would be improved ten fold by knowing a woman with interests like yours even if just as friends.

EDIT: Also it's email how badly could I possibly stalk you?

Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#52
post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would give my left nut for a woman who understands half of what you just said. Rebound? ;) EDIT: (BTW that's also to say some guys just don't know what they've got till they don't. You'll land on your feet, you'll see.)

Friendly tip: when picking someone up, don't lead with your left (or right) testicle. If things go well, those can be introduced at a later time.

Don't hate the player vato! Also a friendly tip for you: If you do find yourself leading in with a reference to a left or right nut do NOT call it your left or right testicle.

WAY too detailed a picture.

Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

most importantly, put time aside to spend dealing with the emotions that come up. don't bottle them up. they will be expressed in destructive ways when you least expect it. Does this really happen? If you spend much time with military veterans, you notice that they have way more self-control than the average person, even though they've also been through more than the average person. Is this because the military attra…

Yes it's not that simple. Even today some anger management therapists will suggest that you hit a pillow or something to let your anger out. This is actually really bad because it links those feelings to getting physically angry - you're conditioning yourself to respond to anger with physical outbursts. It's not at all clear that 'don't bottle them up' is generally good advice.

False dichotomy--there are other alternatives than lashing out physically or "bottling up" your feelings. "Bottling up" generally refers to going into denial and emotionally repressing yourself. Sometimes just sitting and thinking about something calmly helps. Sometimes distracting yourself, or creating distance can help. But pretending everything is okay doesn't seem to be a winning strategy.

Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#54
post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

haha..good guess though—I am female.

haha! w00t hit me up: darkxanthos at gmail dot com My life would be improved ten fold by knowing a woman with interests like yours even if just as friends. EDIT: Also it's email how badly could I possibly stalk you?

I really admire your brash confidence. It's that kind of self-centered attitude and utter disregard for social norms that will ultimately make you a very successful Man. Apply that persistance to business and you will be one very well-off bonehead :-)

Cheers!

Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#55
post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

haha! w00t hit me up: darkxanthos at gmail dot com My life would be improved ten fold by knowing a woman with interests like yours even if just as friends. EDIT: Also it's email how badly could I possibly stalk you?

I really admire your brash confidence. It's that kind of self-centered attitude and utter disregard for social norms that will ultimately make you a very successful Man. Apply that persistance to business and you will be one very well-off bonehead :-) Cheers!

umm... Thank you..? You have confused me and caused me to literally laugh out loud. Regardless of your intentions, awesome comment.

Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#56
post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have used this technique in the past and call it Diversionary Therapy.

I have a tendency to dwell on a negative situation, which I've learned, quite painfully, is possibly the worst thing to do. So whenever something comes along that wipes me off my feet, I decide to pickup a new skill/hobby and focus on that as much as possible. I find it gives me something else to talk about when I'm with friends, instead of rehashing the "woe is me, life sucks" tale of the times. Because the experien…

Empathy/Pride swallowing helps too. Not saying you're wrong... just saying that in the end it doesn't really matter. You can still find a way to agree.

Good luck.

Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#57
post #47

Take up a (slightly) risky sport. I was getting into rock climbing a few years ago (gave up for logistical reasons), and I can just about guarantee that when you're on a route, with your forearms burning and no obvious next move, that your troubles fade into insignificance.

Agreed on the rock climbing. It's a great hacker sport. Much more intellectual than I thought it would be.

Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#58
post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

most importantly, put time aside to spend dealing with the emotions that come up. don't bottle them up. they will be expressed in destructive ways when you least expect it. Does this really happen? If you spend much time with military veterans, you notice that they have way more self-control than the average person, even though they've also been through more than the average person. Is this because the military attra…

Does this really happen? Does this count? Another soldier, Staff Sgt. Daniel Shannon, told CBS that his PTSD changed him completely. "I started smashing furniture, very rapidly; so I didn’t know what I was doing ‘til it happened. I’d get mad so fast, so angry fast, and just lash out." ( http://www.thecommentfactory.com/irregular-army-the-prevalen... ) It only takes a bit of googling to find all sorts of information o…

I don't doubt that people flip out. I don't even doubt that thousands of people among the millions who served in the military have flipped out.

What I'm wondering about is whether otherwise undamaged people who repress their emotions eventually go nuts, or whether people who control their emotions end up in control of their emotions.

People who eat small portions generally don't suddenly devour a turkey. People who only have one drink a night one night a month don't suddenly become alcoholics. Self-control doesn't necessarily mean that a problem compounds; it can be the solution to a problem, instead.

Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#59
post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

haha! w00t hit me up: darkxanthos at gmail dot com My life would be improved ten fold by knowing a woman with interests like yours even if just as friends. EDIT: Also it's email how badly could I possibly stalk you?

I really admire your brash confidence. It's that kind of self-centered attitude and utter disregard for social norms that will ultimately make you a very successful Man. Apply that persistance to business and you will be one very well-off bonehead :-) Cheers!

Assuming your post is meant to be sardonic: There is an established school of thought that says that that sort of thing has a high likelihood of impressing women.

Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes it's not that simple. Even today some anger management therapists will suggest that you hit a pillow or something to let your anger out. This is actually really bad because it links those feelings to getting physically angry - you're conditioning yourself to respond to anger with physical outbursts. It's not at all clear that 'don't bottle them up' is generally good advice.

False dichotomy--there are other alternatives than lashing out physically or "bottling up" your feelings. "Bottling up" generally refers to going into denial and emotionally repressing yourself. Sometimes just sitting and thinking about something calmly helps. Sometimes distracting yourself, or creating distance can help. But pretending everything is okay doesn't seem to be a winning strategy.

Sometimes distracting yourself, or creating distance can help.

That sounds like 'bottling up' to me though? I think we agree in principle, I just don't think 'don't bottle up your feelings' is the best way to describe these strategies.

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