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Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

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Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#31

Post by kirubakaran »

Thank you for asking this question, especially at this time. Responses of other people are a lot helpful for me as well.

Sharing how I deal with similar situations:

I go out and try to stay out as much as possible. Working in a coffee shop gives the illusion that you are not alone. I also cook elaborate dinner involving pasta, sit down with a glass of wine and watch a movie as a picker-upper. But of late I've been using this trick a lot and it has fast hit diminishing returns. Perhaps I should use exercise as a pick-me-up.

The problem with being down is, you will be even less inclined to do the things that are most likely to help you get better.

Sometimes I reread Jerome K. Jerome. Brings back childhood to some extent and some giggles. Douglas Adams too. Or I re-purpose librivox.org as my bed time story teller. Mostly I hang out here [HN]. Then I refresh my log... people using your app can cheer you up. Learning something new helps too.

Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#32

Post by byrneseyeview »

JimmyL wrote: post #26
byrneseyeview wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

most importantly, put time aside to spend dealing with the emotions that come up. don't bottle them up. they will be expressed in destructive ways when you least expect it. Does this really happen? If you spend much time with military veterans, you notice that they have way more self-control than the average person, even though they've also been through more than the average person. Is this because the military attra…

I would guess - and I'm not a psychologist - that their training has a lot to do with it. A large part of the boot camp experience is about breaking down how new recruits think, and reforming that process into one that goes well with the military mission. They're also regularly evaluated on their mental state, and a large part of the culture is about being able to bottle up most "soft" emotions. So they're very well-…

I would guess that it's not just the training. The idea of "trauma" causing someone problems later in life is a fairly modern one -- and whether it's a discovery or invention is an open question.

the high rates of depression, divorce, alcoholism, and mental illness represented in the veteran community.

Source? I'm thinking Korea and WWII; Vietnam is an outlier, because of the amount of cheap heroin.

Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#33

Post by bootload »

byrneseyeview wrote: post #17
kareemm wrote: post #10

sleep. exercise. eat healthily. spent time with great friends. most importantly, put time aside to spend dealing with the emotions that come up. don't bottle them up. they will be expressed in destructive ways when you least expect it. see a therapist if necessary; having someone help you get through growth roadblocks is the best money you will ever spend. realize that whatever you're dealing with will eventually pas…

most importantly, put time aside to spend dealing with the emotions that come up. don't bottle them up. they will be expressed in destructive ways when you least expect it. Does this really happen? If you spend much time with military veterans, you notice that they have way more self-control than the average person, even though they've also been through more than the average person. Is this because the military attra…

"... Men may perceive women to be inferior when it comes to emotion. But like the second law of thermodynamics, all that built up emotion is going to leak out some time in the future. So in the long run, I think women have an edge over men dealing with emotion. But in the short term it is men who edge women out with self control. There is a downside here. Apply too much control and you might emotionally overheat and become brittle when you cool down leaving yourself open to cracking. Hard objects become brittle and crack under stress. ..." ~ http://seldomlogical.com/2009/04/21/getting-stuff-done-with-... [4] on Fear.

Highly 'emotionally controlled people' crack, but not straight away. Maybe years down the track. So spending time with old mil-vets might be a different story.

Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#34

Post by sutro »

darkxanthos wrote: post #19
b0k0n0n wrote: post #18

What a coincidence—I'm going through this right now. The night my boyfriend broke up with me (two days ago) I differentiated equations until 4 a.m. Now I'm working on inductive logic and doing my best to stay off of e-mail and facebook. I use other outlets such as reading and exercising, but I've found mathematics' abstraction to be the most helpful. Reading books brings up motifs and messages and content that calls…

I would give my left nut for a woman who understands half of what you just said. Rebound? ;) EDIT: (BTW that's also to say some guys just don't know what they've got till they don't. You'll land on your feet, you'll see.)

Friendly tip: when picking someone up, don't lead with your left (or right) testicle. If things go well, those can be introduced at a later time.

Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#35

Post by jherdman »

Sometimes I arrange to have an outlet. During my last break up I called my mom a lot when I absolutely couldn't focus. I talked to her for 5 or so minutes on my break to vent a bit. I found that after a little bit of releasing the mental pressure I was able to focus again.

That said, when you go home, you need to get your shit together. Make lists of "need to do"s and "want to do"s, and tackle them. Keeping busy is the key. Before you know, you'll be back to your awesome self.

Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#36

Post by matthardcastle »

I keep work and my personal life very much separate. Not just when I'm having a hard time in my personal life but also when it's going good. This lets work almost be a sanctuary. When I'm there nothing matter but getting the job done.

It's not easy, but if you are able to develop that separation you can almost shut off your personal problems at will.

Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#37

Post by wenbert »

For me, I would run to friends and family. I am a Catholic (like most Filipinos are) so if all hell breaks loose, I pray. ;-)

My dad died a few years ago, right about the time I was starting to hack things myself. Personally, what got me through was friends, family and religion. Just sayin'...

Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#38

Post by Devilboy »

byrneseyeview wrote: post #17
kareemm wrote: post #10

sleep. exercise. eat healthily. spent time with great friends. most importantly, put time aside to spend dealing with the emotions that come up. don't bottle them up. they will be expressed in destructive ways when you least expect it. see a therapist if necessary; having someone help you get through growth roadblocks is the best money you will ever spend. realize that whatever you're dealing with will eventually pas…

most importantly, put time aside to spend dealing with the emotions that come up. don't bottle them up. they will be expressed in destructive ways when you least expect it. Does this really happen? If you spend much time with military veterans, you notice that they have way more self-control than the average person, even though they've also been through more than the average person. Is this because the military attra…

Yes it's not that simple. Even today some anger management therapists will suggest that you hit a pillow or something to let your anger out. This is actually really bad because it links those feelings to getting physically angry - you're conditioning yourself to respond to anger with physical outbursts.

It's not at all clear that 'don't bottle them up' is generally good advice.

Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?

#40

Post by b0k0n0n »

darkxanthos wrote: post #22
_cbsz wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

reminder: "hackers" and "gay people" are not disjoint sets, so mentioning a boyfriend doesn't imply femininity (not gay; recently made a public mistake of this nature).

Touché... I'm an optimist I guess!

haha..good guess though—I am female.
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