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This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

ariannasimpson.com

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Re: This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

#141

Post by andrewflnr »

blairbeckwith wrote: post #20
runjake wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm really turned off by these posts, too. I roll my eyes and mutter "Christ, not another one". But I'm a male who doesn't have to worry about being groped and I keep my hands to myself. But let me guess how the reality turns out for her: - She says something about it. - The guy who is misbehaving is probably physically bigger than her. She may feel fearful of speaking up. or - She speaks up and gets called a "prude"…

disclaimer: I'm on her side. I've never really understood the potential-physical-confrontation argument. It must be a very, very small minority of men who's first reaction to being embarrassed and shamed by a woman is to physically assault her in public?

In a situation like that, we're not talking about cold, rational threat assessment. You're dealing with instinctive assessments of, as another commenter said, power balance, from a part of your brain that's a) very concerned with physical survival and also b) attuned to the support of other people around. And if the guy got away with putting his hand on her leg in public, so reasons the lower brain, who knows what else he can get away with?

Disclaimer: I'm a man so I've never dealt with that exact situation, but I've observed the above thought processes in awkward situations, and I would assume it's amplified in the described situation.

Re: This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

#142

Post by sliverstorm »

silencio wrote: post #100
sliverstorm wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not a woman, but perhaps something like "This is much too forward of you", in a disapproving tone. Nothing makes me quickly reconsider my actions like this words, even if it turns out she was kidding. It provides the suggestion that if he proceeded differently, there might be a chance, but if he continues this way there is not. That suggestion might be enough to restore at least a semblance of normal interaction?

As a woman, what I hate is when I'm trying to be nice and proper and educational about telling people to back off and they use that as a springboard to go all "who, me?" or maybe "oh, okay" and then assume I'm a frigid bitch anyway instead of recognizing that they're the ones making a big mistake. So nowadays I am of the shove the offending body part off and "get your hands off me" mindset because it doesn't really m…

assume I'm a frigid bitch anyway instead of recognizing that they're the ones making a big mistake

I know I already replied to you, but I had one more thought- your frustration is not with assholes & sexual assaulters, your frustration here is really with humans in general :) This is a classic, classic human trait that shows up in just about every type interaction.

Re: This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

#143

Post by AnimalMuppet »

lauradhamilton wrote: post #101
Groxx wrote: post #79

I can never tell how to interpret stories like this. They met assholes. Assholes are everywhere. They're guaranteed continue to be assholes until their targets stop them / make others aware that they are assholes. Slap them (it's loud, shocking, and non-damaging). Make a scene. It's not acceptable behavior, regardless of gender or location.

You can't just go around slapping people.

She can go around slapping people who are groping her. Absolutely she can.

What, you're worried about him escalating from there? In a roomful of almost entirely guys? He won't make it very far with that...

Re: This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

#144

Post by pera »

I am really sorry about your experience.

Last year my girlfriend wanted to go to a Bitcoin Meetup in Buenos Aires. Nothing like that happened in that occasion, but it was really boring imo... though it was interesting to see how many "bitcoiners" are mostly clueless about how Bitcoin actually works

btw I would change the title to "This is What it’s Like to Be a Woman."

Re: This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

#145

Post by andrewflnr »

jpwright wrote: post #27
blairbeckwith wrote: post #11

I agree wholeheartedly with this article, however I don't think it's fair to use such a wide brush. "This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at _This_ Bitcoin Meetup" would have been more appropriate. There are bad apples in every community, and it certainly sounds like the author met some, but it's important to realize that a few bad apples don't ruin the whole bushel.

How many more posts like this are needed to convince you that the whole community of tech meetups is hostile towards women? Of course that individual deserves the lion's share of the blame, but writing this off as an isolated individual acting inappropriately misses the forest for the trees (i.e. misses the root cause [culture] for the proximate cause [assholes]). To further analogize, perhaps the bad apple was there…

I kinda hate to trot out this cliche, but the plural of anecdote is not data. No number of posts should convince anyone without additional evidence that they represent a large fraction of women's experiences.

Re: This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

#146

Post by rosser »

hbags wrote: post #137
meritt wrote: post #3

> In my mind, it’s a little preposterous that if I want to do so, however, I have to be ok with being felt up and indirectly insulted. To the author: You're right, it's unacceptable but you know how to fix it? You say something at the point in which it occurs. Nip it in the bud. Running off to write yet another gender-division-in-the-tech-world blog which will be read, primarily, by the sort of folk who already agree…

I think it's absolutely disgusting that you criticize the victim for documenting what happened to her. It's despicable and downright fucking evil that you basically accuse her of sharing her story solely because she wants attention. The worst part of your god-awful post is that it's currently pinned to the top of this board. The fact that your disgusting, insensitive post is at the top is why women don't work in tech…

All I can think of in response to this diatribe is a line from The Big Lebowski:

"You're not wrong, Walter. You're just an asshole."

Seriously, dude; chill. You can communicate your (not incorrect) point so very much more effectively without ragefacing all over the person you're replying to. It gets in the way of successful communication, and probably does horrible things for your blood pressure to boot.

Re: This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

#147

Post by MartinCron »

rfnslyr wrote: post #33

So you didn't immediately tell him to stop and continue on with your life and fled to the internet just so you can get HN karma? Yeah I stopped reading right there. This is why "women in tech" are a problem, because they constantly put themselves on a pedestal.

You disapproved of someone's response to a situation you have never yourself experienced and stopped reading but you had to come here and post an insulting comment?

Are you OK?

Re: This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

#148

Post by UnoriginalGuy »

zasz wrote: post #128
runjake wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm really turned off by these posts, too. I roll my eyes and mutter "Christ, not another one". But I'm a male who doesn't have to worry about being groped and I keep my hands to myself. But let me guess how the reality turns out for her: - She says something about it. - The guy who is misbehaving is probably physically bigger than her. She may feel fearful of speaking up. or - She speaks up and gets called a "prude"…

It's not just about having a young daughter. People need to teach their sons that they shouldn't be putting their hands on women's waists and legs. That is the other reason to write blog posts on this--to make men aware that they shouldn't be doing things like this.

I'm pretty sure everyone younger than 30 is well aware that such things aren't acceptable. In case you haven't noticed almost all cases are by people in their 50s or older who grew up in a different period and have different norms for social interaction.

At least that is certainly the case where I grew up. You keep your hands to yourself (and typically leave it to women to initiate things since doing otherwise will often result in issues).

Re: This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

#149

Post by dogecoinbase »

rfnslyr wrote: post #35
runjake wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am not a woman. I am a large, muscular male who doesn't get bothered by anyone. But it doesn't have to lead to actual physical assault to be uncomfortable or cause negative lasting effects in one's life. The intimidation, the mental abuse aspect of it is enough. If you've been mugged without being shot, it might make a little more sense to you. And really, he put his hands on her inappropriately, so he's already co…

Funny how far removed real problems are from our society. "The intimidation, the mental abuse aspect of it is enough." versus Collecting wood in a forest 40km away so you can stoke a fire and your family can eat. Tell the guy to get his hands off you, grab a seat, introduce yourself. Everyone needs an emotional baby sitter and therapist nowadays.

This from the guy who lived in his mom's basement learning to code[1] and whose "goal in life" is to get rich in an acquihire[2]. I have some pretty legitimate doubts that you know the slightest thing about either primitive lifestyles and their hardships, or modern lifestyles and their hardships.

1: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7112803 2: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7052008

Re: This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

#150

Post by throwawaycoder »

clavalle wrote: post #40
blairbeckwith wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

disclaimer: I'm on her side. I've never really understood the potential-physical-confrontation argument. It must be a very, very small minority of men who's first reaction to being embarrassed and shamed by a woman is to physically assault her in public?

Then again, what kind of person gropes a stranger, in public, in front of a bunch of people who are sure to see and know who you are? You really can't put anything past someone who has absolutely no restraint or regard for people.

Yeah, let's just get it over with and say he basically raped her. Let's increase the counter for "women get raped in public all the time" up by one. After all, even if he didn't rape her, the psychological damage was the same, so it counts. Also, let's put that guy in jail for rape.
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