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This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

ariannasimpson.com

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Re: This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

#21

Post by meritt »

ossreality wrote: post #13
meritt wrote: post #3

> In my mind, it’s a little preposterous that if I want to do so, however, I have to be ok with being felt up and indirectly insulted. To the author: You're right, it's unacceptable but you know how to fix it? You say something at the point in which it occurs. Nip it in the bud. Running off to write yet another gender-division-in-the-tech-world blog which will be read, primarily, by the sort of folk who already agree…

Easier said than done. I've been "out" for years and despite being opinionated and a "proud" person, I still find it extremely hard to put my neck out there and call others out (and interesting, it's much easier for me to stand up for female friends than it is to stand up for myself or other LGBT-specifically related issues). It's hard enough to do, at all, to confront someone. But it's another thing when you've just…

Of course the asshole wouldn't have a positive reaction. That's precisely the point: Make it known how inappropriate and unacceptable their actions were. Make them uncomfortable.

Victim blaming? Dare I even respond to that? That would imply I'm somehow suggesting the author was at fault or responsible for the action occurring, or that it was somehow acceptable because she didn't react then on the spot. Not in the slightest.

Re: This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

#22

Post by BlackDeath3 »

kevingadd wrote: post #9
meritt wrote: post #3

> In my mind, it’s a little preposterous that if I want to do so, however, I have to be ok with being felt up and indirectly insulted. To the author: You're right, it's unacceptable but you know how to fix it? You say something at the point in which it occurs. Nip it in the bud. Running off to write yet another gender-division-in-the-tech-world blog which will be read, primarily, by the sort of folk who already agree…

Someone with such a messed up perception of personal boundaries and acceptable behavior that they would FEEL UP SOMEONE IN PUBLIC is not necessarily going to stop just because you tell them. They might get more aggressive.

Perhaps this is where self-defense comes into play?

If your options are 1) say something and make the aggressor more aggressive, or 2) distance yourself and hope they don't press the situation further, at some point you should have a backup plan.

Re: This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

#23

Post by ossreality »

aetherson wrote: post #16
[deleted] wrote: post #4

[deleted]

No. The guys she's writing about need to not: * Hug people they've never met. * Put their hands on people's legs seconds after meeting them. * Put everything a particular woman says into the frame of "Women don't do X." * Assume that women who attend tech meetups are exclusively there as the girlfriends of the men present.

That's my favorite part.

"Girls can like computer stuff?" is just sad to see. It's as face-palm-y as "Gay guys can like football?". I have to do a double-take to see if people are still making those sorts of statements with a straight face in 2014.

Re: This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

#24

Post by fantnn »

I don't understand how women can continue to attribute a bad experience with one particular person as indicative of the whole tech community. I know some slutty women, but do I treat every woman like that? Of course not. Personality and the interaction that stems from it fall on a continuum, and these omg! Tech is so sexist! Read this anecdote! Is getting fucking old imo.

Re: This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

#25

Post by rosser »

McGlockenshire wrote: post #10

>Was either of us mistreated? Technically, no. This doesn't really line up with the entire second paragraph, in which she was basically groped. Groped. And then treated like a piece of meat instead of as a human being. If that's not mistreatment, I really don't know what would be.

I think it's actually disturbingly telling that women's (or at least this particular woman's) expectations for how they'll be treated at tech meetups are so low that the described behavior isn't considered mistreatment.

Re: This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

#26

Post by BlackDeath3 »

hosh wrote: post #19

Good thing that, unlike meetups, the bitcoin protocol doesn't care if a bitcoin address is controlled by a man or a woman. I mean, that's the whole point of having a collective ledger where every agent is untrusted. There is no one saying, "Your money is no good here," based on your gender, race, creed, or political leanings.

This is sort of what I was thinking. Bitcoin's involvement here seems merely incidental.

Re: This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

#27

Post by jpwright »

blairbeckwith wrote: post #11

I agree wholeheartedly with this article, however I don't think it's fair to use such a wide brush. "This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at _This_ Bitcoin Meetup" would have been more appropriate. There are bad apples in every community, and it certainly sounds like the author met some, but it's important to realize that a few bad apples don't ruin the whole bushel.

How many more posts like this are needed to convince you that the whole community of tech meetups is hostile towards women?

Of course that individual deserves the lion's share of the blame, but writing this off as an isolated individual acting inappropriately misses the forest for the trees (i.e. misses the root cause [culture] for the proximate cause [assholes]).

To further analogize, perhaps the bad apple was there because the bushel was poisoned?

Re: This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

#30

Post by runjake »

blairbeckwith wrote: post #20
runjake wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm really turned off by these posts, too. I roll my eyes and mutter "Christ, not another one". But I'm a male who doesn't have to worry about being groped and I keep my hands to myself. But let me guess how the reality turns out for her: - She says something about it. - The guy who is misbehaving is probably physically bigger than her. She may feel fearful of speaking up. or - She speaks up and gets called a "prude"…

disclaimer: I'm on her side. I've never really understood the potential-physical-confrontation argument. It must be a very, very small minority of men who's first reaction to being embarrassed and shamed by a woman is to physically assault her in public?

I am not a woman. I am a large, muscular male who doesn't get bothered by anyone.

But it doesn't have to lead to actual physical assault to be uncomfortable or cause negative lasting effects in one's life. The intimidation, the mental abuse aspect of it is enough. If you've been mugged without being shot, it might make a little more sense to you.

And really, he put his hands on her inappropriately, so he's already committed physical assault -- not to get all bleeding-heart emo feminist or anything. But that just ain't right.

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