141–150 of 193 posts
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I'm gonna assume you and Paul12345534 aren't white dudes b/c that'd be a behavior for creeps.
Not going to go into personal issues on an open forum :) but you're pretty quick with your assumptions. The gf isn't poor and only trying to escape and we don't have a large gape.
Does anyone think that this is really creepy? I mean, men using dating sites like OkCupid are mostly creepy people already, but actually writing programs to automate stuff on OkCupid? That's basically fulfilling the prophecy that men are just in for the sex.
How in god's name did you reach that conclusion?
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I spent about one year on OkC @ approx 40minutes/day on the site, and got about 20 first dates, 10 second dates, 2 third dates, and 2 fourth dates. They were almost all 85+% matches, and weren't that hard to find. However, I would say that my manual filtering probably took way less time than he spent implementing his models. He probably learned more engineering and advanced math while I learned how to read subtle mes…
"And then met a girl the very next day (not kidding) that I really hit it off with when I wasn't looking" This, IMHO, is the best advice. I remember the Dalai Lama's advice about finding happiness. How do I find happiness? "Stop lookin, be happy", he said. Same with dating. How do I find a date? Stop looking. More exactly, live life, and in time, you'll meet someone. Part of the reason why is that someone sort of on…
It's true that happiness comes when you're settled with your lot in life. But you will instinctively rebel if you settle too early, on too little; this site is sort of dedicated to the art of not settling too early.
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I always thought that the messaging asymmetry on dating sites was purely a reflection of the real-world asymmetry of dating, where females will almost never initiate a flirt sequence themselves. The universal expectation is that it is the role of the male to manifest interest in, and worthiness of, the female. Not that I agree with this, but it would be difficult not to observe it. I remember reading somewhere that t…
I agree with you, I probably shouldn't have said "on OkCupid". This is far from the root issue, but it's also hard not to fall into uninteresting generalizations, like "the real issue here is the objectification of women in the western civilization" or "the real issue here is the place of woman in society". Thinking about it, I can't think of a single animal species where the female is the one seeking out the males.…
http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/201...
(See also tymero's comment below, and): http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20111222124528AA...
As for females initiating courtship in human populations -- I don't think it's just a nordic thing, I think it's an equality thing. I'm sure you'll find (sub)cultures most places where women are more active -- and I'm guessing that on balance those are (sub)cultures that are in general more gender-equal.
But, as I've lived (and dated, pitiful as my exploits are) mostly in Norway -- I might be biased :-)
At least one useful take-away: k-modes clustering. I initially thought it was a typo/miscommunication, but the soybean reference seemed bizarrely specific. It apparently actually exists, and is an extension of k-means to categorical data, using Hamming distance instead of Euclidean distance.
I have no idea what our match percentage was, and there were a few things in my profile that were turn-offs for her, all of which appeared in my only picture on the site: Me, with a fresh buzz-cut, jogging up a hill with my dog. She's allergic to dogs, doesn't run because of her asthma, and prefers long hair.
All of that was superficial, and she was able to look past it. She engaged me mainly because of the descriptive content in my profile. I just went nuts explaining who I was, in a chatty, stream of consciousness manner.
In the end, I re-homed my dog with her own parents, and let my hair grow to 21", which I started growing out again after we'd been married for a year. That wasn't all her; I had hair that length in high school and chopped it off to help me stay employed.
What's my point? The content matters most. You can optimize your approach to searching for matches, and you can go on lots of dates, but you can't force a good real-world match. If it's there, you'll know. No mathematical model of searching, nor red-pill-esque approach to building self confidence will be more effective than an open exchange of ideas between a couple. Get to the messaging. Give her a chance to be disinterested, because that's a hurdle you'll need to cross at some point in the relationship... assuming, that is, that you're looking for love.
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I spent about one year on OkC @ approx 40minutes/day on the site, and got about 20 first dates, 10 second dates, 2 third dates, and 2 fourth dates. They were almost all 85+% matches, and weren't that hard to find. However, I would say that my manual filtering probably took way less time than he spent implementing his models. He probably learned more engineering and advanced math while I learned how to read subtle mes…
"And then met a girl the very next day (not kidding) that I really hit it off with when I wasn't looking" This, IMHO, is the best advice. I remember the Dalai Lama's advice about finding happiness. How do I find happiness? "Stop lookin, be happy", he said. Same with dating. How do I find a date? Stop looking. More exactly, live life, and in time, you'll meet someone. Part of the reason why is that someone sort of on…
That is a rather good philosophy in general, but for an average guy like me, the key to finding a good partner was exposure. By that I mean being active in a larger group of people that includes both men and women in a reasonable ratio, and where people communicate with each other.
Most of my time is occupied by my PhD studies in CS and I spend my free time with a good book or a movie. If I "stopped looking" with these hobbies and didn't do anything else, I simply wouldn't meet any single potential partner at all.
"Stop looking" may just mean "act like you're not looking", which is generally a good advice -- people are put off by subtle signs of despair in your eyes. But consider increasing your odds by raising your exposure, ideally while doing something non-desperate.
Suggestions: Some martial art that appeals to both genders; Mountain climbing; being more active on some gender-balanced discussion group or fan scene.
Does anyone think that this is really creepy? I mean, men using dating sites like OkCupid are mostly creepy people already, but actually writing programs to automate stuff on OkCupid? That's basically fulfilling the prophecy that men are just in for the sex.
No.
>I mean, men using dating sites like OkCupid are mostly creepy people already,
Wow.
>but actually writing programs to automate stuff on OkCupid?
Do you realize what site you're on?
>That's basically fulfilling the prophecy that men are just in for the sex.
Uh...how, exactly?
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> females will almost never initiate a flirt sequence It's the opposite. In environments like parties and bars women subtly initiate most interactions. They maneuver closer and do the glance thing.
There's no analogue to that in online dating though.