How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

Post by klipt » Wed, Jan 22, 2014, 9:29 AM UTC

nostrademons wrote: post #109

klipt wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So you'd say the real rule is "be interesting"? The problem is there are plenty of people with passionate, interesting lives, but who aren't good at communicating that interest, or have interests that don't appeal to (most of) the opposite sex. In dating, where first impressions are everything, it's often more important to appear interesting than be interesting.

The real rule is "be interested". Being interesting follows from that, but being interested is the part you can control. I've found that when people have persistent difficulties finding a partner, it's almost always because they aren't actually interested in the women they date, but have some platonic ideal of a woman that they think they ought to date and so are dating the wrong people.

Post by klipt » Wed, Jan 22, 2014, 9:48 AM UTC

nostrademons wrote: post #123

klipt wrote: post #122

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sure (I too have read 'How to Win Friends and Influence People') - but that only works if the other person is already interested in you. One sided interest just comes across as creepy.

Depends on the context. One-sided interest that's fixated on one particular characteristic comes across as creepy - it's obvious when it's a physical characteristic, but it's also just as creepy to be particularly interested in someone's career, or house, or car, or any other thing. One-sided interest that's diffuse tends to become two-sided interest, because it makes you seem engaged with the world, and that's a ver…

Post by com2kid » Wed, Jan 22, 2014, 9:59 AM UTC

enneff wrote: post #101

com2kid wrote: post #94

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The point about the orange car was meant to be self deprecating! (The $10 inflatable dolphin is supposed to be cute, ends up being really freaky looking, go figure!) The dolphin was actually something I brought into work for my team to play with, we had a good chunk of the building watching as we flew it around our atrium. The problem is, it is hard to capture that I am the sort of person who is always thinking of wa…

Try ending with the question, rather than leading it. For instance, taking your line about weird foods and flipping the sentences yields this: I think squid jerky was one of the more interesting foodstuffs I've tried. What other sorts of weird things have you had? The revised phrasing is more conversational. Ending with a question gives them something to go on. Otherwise they finish reading the message wondering what…

Post by quenlinlom » Wed, Jan 22, 2014, 10:11 AM UTC

Post by jaimebuelta » Wed, Jan 22, 2014, 10:31 AM UTC

nostrademons wrote: post #107

izaidi wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Even so, it speaks poorly of his method (or maybe just his personality?) that it took 90 dates to actually find a good match.

Friend of mine used to run a dating site. She said that on average it took people about 6 months of solid dating, usually 50-100 dates, before they found a good match. There are some people that get into relationships much more quickly, but oftentimes those are the same people who get out of relationships really quickly, because they didn't choose a good match to begin with. There are also outliers who find someone g…