From my observations of having worked around many CEO's is that the job, by its very nature demands total dedication. I believe that attempting to start a family and a funded company at the same time is a sign of a lack of objectivity. It's as if the individual actually believes they can harbor two mistresses at the same time. It's simply not a wise idea. Just an observation. Not trying to make anyone out to be the bad guy.
Success at Work, Failure at Home
51–60 of 169 posts
Re: Success at Work, Failure at Home
#52> And that part about sitting on my ass in front of the TV with a cocktail? This ran counter to all of her efforts to teach the kids about pitching in as a family. The message of everyone helping to cook, clean, and be responsible for the household fell completely flat when daddy wouldn’t so much as take out the trash or change a light bulb. Take out the trash and change a lightbulb by all means, but seriously if you…
This is a common misunderstanding in young families, and one that causes a lot of damage to families in the long run.
The misunderstanding is the assumption that the wife was not working all day. IF she has a job, then she was working. If she stays at home with kids, she was also working.
Coming home and relaxing, saying, "Hey, I'm paying the mortgage" is also saying, "Hey, the work my wife did today was worth nothing."
That is a recipe for a very bad, broken marriage. You are invaliding the feelings of your spouse, and dismissing the work she does.
And if you are doing that, THEN something's very wrong.
Re: Success at Work, Failure at Home
#53Earlier quoted context omitted.
Really depends on the kid's age. Younger kids (less than 10yrs) are not able to grasp the concept of money or earning money, so explaining that dad is out making money for a roof over their head and putting food on the table is not going to cut it. At that age, they just want close interaction with their dad.
Really? My 4-year-old gets anxious when I take the day off or even if it is a national holiday. She says I'm supposed to be at work so the family doesn't get hungry. Saturday and Sunday are family days she tells me. I'm not sure about children being born with the expectation of fatherly company. Historically it wasn't universal. Some native Americans had separate housing for men and for women and children. In other a…
Having children of my own I find very disturbing that 4 year old gets worried about such thing. For sure she didn't come up with that by herself but most likely listening/being told by parents
Re: Success at Work, Failure at Home
#54Earlier quoted context omitted.
Really depends on the kid's age. Younger kids (less than 10yrs) are not able to grasp the concept of money or earning money, so explaining that dad is out making money for a roof over their head and putting food on the table is not going to cut it. At that age, they just want close interaction with their dad.
I'm happy to be proven wrong and of course this is only anecdotally but I was watching sci-fi movies at age 10 and I could grasp, at least on the surface, the underlying technology and it's purpose. When we say "kids dont understand money" I'm thinking they should start to get it at about 7 and certainly have a basic grasp by 10.
most likely you didn't grasp but just accepted without questioning of feasibility
Re: Success at Work, Failure at Home
#55Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'm happy to be proven wrong and of course this is only anecdotally but I was watching sci-fi movies at age 10 and I could grasp, at least on the surface, the underlying technology and it's purpose. When we say "kids dont understand money" I'm thinking they should start to get it at about 7 and certainly have a basic grasp by 10.
most likely you didn't grasp but just accepted without questioning of feasibility
I didn't grow up with a lot of money so, again anecdotally, I'm pretty sure I had a great respect for what money could afford by that age.
There's a difference between saying kids aren't capable and kid's aren't commonly knowledgeable or taught. I'll agree with the latter but I'd disagree with the former.
Re: Success at Work, Failure at Home
#56> And that part about sitting on my ass in front of the TV with a cocktail? This ran counter to all of her efforts to teach the kids about pitching in as a family. The message of everyone helping to cook, clean, and be responsible for the household fell completely flat when daddy wouldn’t so much as take out the trash or change a light bulb. Take out the trash and change a lightbulb by all means, but seriously if you…
This is a common misunderstanding in young families, and one that causes a lot of damage to families in the long run. The misunderstanding is the assumption that the wife was not working all day. IF she has a job, then she was working. If she stays at home with kids, she was also working. Coming home and relaxing, saying, "Hey, I'm paying the mortgage" is also saying, "Hey, the work my wife did today was worth nothin…
"If she stays at home with kids, she was also working."
I think it's reasonable to believe that some jobs are harder than other jobs. Staying home with the kids, while hard (and maybe even boring) isn't as demanding as the jobs that some people have.
I have to tell you that I'd rather the person who operates on a heart or a brain or flys a 777 (and there are many more I'm just picking a few obvious ones) focus on their job 100% and get rest to function at a top level. Raising children can be hard but it's a different type of hard.
Edited for clarity..
Re: Success at Work, Failure at Home
#57> When we started pulling consistent coding weekends, we brought in the entire management team to serve the engineers: We brought them food, washed their cars, got oil changes, took in their dry cleaning, and arranged for childcare for their kids in the office.
Sorry, but while admirable, this is not normal. I may differ from most of HN, but I simply don't see the point in making these kinds of sacrifices as an engineer just because I get free dinner or childcare. It isn't healthy...or worth it.
Re: Success at Work, Failure at Home
#58Earlier quoted context omitted.
I just had the impression that he wished he could have had his cake and eaten it too. He made the familial sacrifices. He had the business success. Now looking back he wished that he would have magically had that success without putting in all the time. Does not compute.
I suspect he thinks he should have figured out a way to do both and not make it into an explicit trade-off. In fact, I think the entire post is about how "having+eating the cake" is possible if you put some effort into it.
He wasn't able to do it as a founder - he changed jobs and found more time for his family.
Re: Success at Work, Failure at Home
#59As a founder, it appears as if our startup's success or failure depends on us cofounders. This drives me to work insane hours as some sort of ego self rationalization tells me that more work will make it succeed.
In general I have seen the work/result correlation hold true. And yet, we all know how luck plays its role. I personally like to think some events are meant to happen or not. Especially when it goes bad - when my startup lost a client in the early days for example it was extremely tough... but we learned so much that the next bigger one went well. Would working more hours have changed anything, I doubt it, so there is more to it than work.
More than this, working many hours is sometimes just a way to reduce anxiety of success or failure, at least for me. What's tricky is understanding which hours not to do, how to make more of the ones I do, and being confident that cutting the hours won't affect the bigger picture output too much. Easier said than done.
Re: Success at Work, Failure at Home
#60I very clearly remember the week this clicked in my brain. Being very successful, really crushing it, and whining to my wife that the company should give more vacation, and her reminding me that I had been at work on Christmas Eve. My whole perspective collapsed around that instant. I could see the hit in career path I was going to take by changing my perspective, but I decided to do it anyway. And I have always been…
> The challenge is there will always be people who are willing (either consciously or unconsciously) to throw away their family and personal relationships in order to pursue success in their career, and it is difficult, if not impossible to compete against them with the 'balanced life' bit set.The challenge is there will always be people who are willing (either consciously or unconsciously) to throw away their family and personal relationships in order to pursue success in their career, and it is difficult, if not impossible to compete against them with the 'balanced life' bit set.
This is the part that I think a lot of people don't acknowledge. I supposed that's because in a work environment -- as opposed to something more directly competitive like sports -- you're comparing your performance mostly to your would-be self rather than to others. But it's certainly worth noting that there exist people who not only want to work 80-hour weeks, but can do so consistently and thrive.