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Have you ever been successful in changing your personality?

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Re: Have you ever been successful in changing your personality?

#41

Post by electromagnetic »

gaius wrote: post #4

It takes 30 days to form a new habit. You just have to get there. Routine is the key. And early mornings are the best, because you never have the excuse to say "I've had a shitty day at work, all I want is a pizza and a beer". For me it was the gym. Every morning (almost!) I roll in there at 6am before I'm even really awake. "Alright, lads" I say, "alright", they reply, it's always the same crowd, they are very serio…

Agreed. One addition, you can tie habits to objects either consciously or unconsciously. You probably didn't feel like that guy who'll train at 6am every day when you got up in a pair of boxers, but when you got into your gym stuff I bet that changed entirely.

I bet there's a ton of joggers who don't feel like going out when it's -5C and there's the first sign of snow on the pavement, but they put on their tracksuit and go.

I'm a writer. I sit down at my desk in front of my laptop, turn on the lamp, feed Curly, Hugs and Kisses (my three goldfish who would get multiple daily feeding's if I didn't drop this step after the morning) open my laptop, plug in a pair of noise-cancelling headphones, set itunes playing and open my word processor. I quickly start writing where I left off. I don't even need the steps any more, I just sit down and write.

I have a pair of track pants (the disgusting ones with a plasticy outside) that when I put on I'll paint any room you put me in. I painted a room that was 40ftx40ft and then painted the ceiling. These became work pants unconsciously, they were just a crap pair of pants I didn't care about ruining, now they're a uniform.

They teach these kinds of cues in psychology for people with anxiety disorders. That when you pull on your right ear lobe you associate it with a happy memory, eventually you'll trigger the happiness when you do the action. This is what most children do by accident, they have a blanket or toy that soothes them and can be used to keep them calm.

Habits and routines are very powerful if you learn how to use them, but it's best not to rely on them or you can cause other problems (hence why children shouldn't be allowed to keep a blankey too long, or they'll develop a psychological dependence more powerful than cigarettes).

Re: Have you ever been successful in changing your personality?

#42

Post by rdouble »

tokenadult wrote: post #6

Have you ever lived in a different country? I mean really lived there, not just visited? Radically changing your environment can do very well in radically changing your conception of yourself. Does the large multinational corporation you work for ever give people in your department a chance to relocate? That might be a great growth opportunity for you.

I'm not convinced living abroad always engenders positive change. I lived in Japan for a year and I don't remember another time in my life when I behaved in a more unhealthy manner.

Re: Have you ever been successful in changing your personality?

#43

Post by oPerrin »

ellyagg wrote: post #25

You can change this trait! I promise you, you're not stuck with it. I'm about your age and I was a huge procrastinator and underachiever until only 2-3 years ago. Since then, mostly through "grit", I was able to acquire a job as a senior software engineer, despite having no degree, and not even owning a computer until I was 23. I suspect you are like me in that you are much more interested in novelty and idea generat…

Were you able to accomplish this transition while maintaining a relationship? (Genuinely curious, no insult, slight or negative implication intended)

Re: Have you ever been successful in changing your personality?

#45

Post by gurtwo »

arohner wrote: post #9
gaius wrote: post #4

It takes 30 days to form a new habit. You just have to get there. Routine is the key. And early mornings are the best, because you never have the excuse to say "I've had a shitty day at work, all I want is a pizza and a beer". For me it was the gym. Every morning (almost!) I roll in there at 6am before I'm even really awake. "Alright, lads" I say, "alright", they reply, it's always the same crowd, they are very serio…

Yes. This advice is similar to Jerry Seinfeld's, which I also find to be excellent. http://lifehacker.com/software/motivation/jerry-seinfelds-pr...

I independently developed the same method as Seinfeld's but using Google Calendar. I make an entry of a particular color everyday I've been to the gym. The point here is I don't make future appointments on when to go, but rather make an entry at the end of the day every time I have actually been. The psychological effect of not breaking the chain pushes me to keep going. It really works for me!

Re: Have you ever been successful in changing your personality?

#46

Post by oPerrin »

I'd like to share a couple gems that psychology has actually produced:

1. One of the most important skills for success is the ability to distract yourself from immediate desires.

Delaying gratification, by looking away, thinking about something else is THE skill behind "self-control."

2. Expertise is developed in a very stable pattern of external motivation, mentoring, and consistent deliberate practice.

That means 1. Surround yourself with people who are doing what you want to do 2. Find someone to TEACH you how to do what you want to do and 3. Spend 30 mins a day rising to 2 hours a day over the course of a year or two on the target of your expertise. (Spending more time on the things you suck at than the easy bits) 10k hours later you'll be an expert.

Sources provided if needed!

Re: Have you ever been successful in changing your personality?

#47

Post by domodomo »

rdouble wrote: post #42
tokenadult wrote: post #6

Have you ever lived in a different country? I mean really lived there, not just visited? Radically changing your environment can do very well in radically changing your conception of yourself. Does the large multinational corporation you work for ever give people in your department a chance to relocate? That might be a great growth opportunity for you.

I'm not convinced living abroad always engenders positive change. I lived in Japan for a year and I don't remember another time in my life when I behaved in a more unhealthy manner.

Meh, actually that's a good point. My first time living abroad was also in Japan, and come to think of it a good many people there were just there to party. For it to be positive you actually have to try and learn the language and engage in the culture. Also, the fact that I lived with a home stay family and made local friends helped (established meaningful relationships with locals).

Re: Have you ever been successful in changing your personality?

#48

Post by rdouble »

domodomo wrote: post #47
rdouble wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not convinced living abroad always engenders positive change. I lived in Japan for a year and I don't remember another time in my life when I behaved in a more unhealthy manner.

Meh, actually that's a good point. My first time living abroad was also in Japan, and come to think of it a good many people there were just there to party. For it to be positive you actually have to try and learn the language and engage in the culture. Also, the fact that I lived with a home stay family and made local friends helped (established meaningful relationships with locals).

I wasn't there to party, either. I was mostly hanging out with 50 year old salarymen! Frat boys on spring break in Cancun have got nothing on Japanese middle managers. I'll never understand how the Japanese have achieved the longest average lifespan. I'm a lightweight... if I had gotten wrapped up in the typical asian expat tweaker scene I'd probably already be dead.

Re: Have you ever been successful in changing your personality?

#49

Post by ellyagg »

oPerrin wrote: post #43
ellyagg wrote: post #25

You can change this trait! I promise you, you're not stuck with it. I'm about your age and I was a huge procrastinator and underachiever until only 2-3 years ago. Since then, mostly through "grit", I was able to acquire a job as a senior software engineer, despite having no degree, and not even owning a computer until I was 23. I suspect you are like me in that you are much more interested in novelty and idea generat…

Were you able to accomplish this transition while maintaining a relationship? (Genuinely curious, no insult, slight or negative implication intended)

No. Actually, it started when my 7 year relationship broke up, and I realized I wanted to be in complete control of my life before dating seriously again.

Re: Have you ever been successful in changing your personality?

#50

Post by alekseyt »

You've hit the nail on the head when you say it's like one part of you wants to do something and another part of you works against it and against yourself. That is exactly what is happening.

The part that works against you is the "reactive mind". This is a term and concept from Dianetics.

I used to have big mood swings, to the point where life was starting to get unlivable, and I was extremely unhappy and study of Dianetics and Scientology and doing some Dianetics auditing with a programmer friend of mine evened that out considerably.

You can check it out at http://www.dianetics.org/ or just go into your local Church of Scientology and do a couple of intro courses and see if it helps you.

The point is to reduce your reactive mind and render it less powerful and to increase your own native power and ability.

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