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The Inverse Power of Praise (2007)

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Re: The Inverse Power of Praise (2007)

#31

Post by nether »

chrisgd wrote: post #10
tokenadult wrote: post #8

Should have (2007) in title, as this has been submitted here before, and by now there ought to be some follow-up journalism on this issue, perhaps even from the keyboard of the same author. (As a parent, I am continually revising my opinions about parenting, and I hope the author is too.) Among the several previous submissions,[1] the submission with the most comments seems to come from a follow-up piece.[2] But the…

Here is Dweck's book. Have heard great things about it, but still sitting in my inbox. http://www.amazon.com/Mindset-The-New-Psychology-Success/dp/...

There's a great graphic summarizing fixed vs. growth mindsets: http://www.dolezalek.com/chris/Mindset.htm

Re: The Inverse Power of Praise (2007)

#32

Post by singold »

This explains a lot to me, about my own life (anecdotal experience, I know...)

Since I can remember I am "Very Smart"[0], I was told that by my parents, teachers, and lots of other adults.

In the first years of high school, I would get the best grades on math without even studying, it was easy to me. But when the last years came, I needed to put more effort on study, I didn't liked it, and also didn't get the results I wanted.

Now I'm getting back to university, and it is really difficult to me to put all the effort I need to study, it's like I don't want to.

This article resonated a lot with me, and helped me understand a posible cause of what happens to me. Also, reading about how brain "exercise" helps intelligence, motivated me to get to study a lot more now :)

[0] I think I really am smart (not that it makes me better than anyone though) but I don't know how much, or how to measure that, if that's really and objectively possible.

Re: The Inverse Power of Praise (2007)

#33

Post by visarga »

If you know about nonviolent communication (NVC) - they say that most praise are violent speech because it doesn't come without strings attached - but rather are a form of subtle manipulation to make the kid perform as the parents desire.

Instead of saying "You're so smart!" or "You're so hard working!" - which is attaching a label to the kid, they should focus inside an tell how the action of the kid made them feel: "You made me feel very happy because you completed your work."

That doesn't say anything about how the kid is, instead it says how the parent feels, thus, allowing the kid to feel more free and understand why he is being appreciated. With regard to giving praise, I think NVC is quite insightful.

Re: The Inverse Power of Praise (2007)

#35

Post by rsl7 »

RankingMember wrote: post #24
JazCE wrote: post #3

wait what... cursive penmanship is a thing? i thought it was just a joke from cartoons.

In what year were you born? I've heard there was a cut-off at some point in the late 90s where they stopped teaching it. Whenever it was, it was after I was in school. ;)

Still taught in montessori schools as a tool for the development of fine motor control. Education in Montessori is literally hands-on for everything, as they feel the hand is the instrument of human intelligence. So for them it's like practicing a musical instrument or learning to draw.

But it appears also that kids who were taught cursive express more complex ideas in their writing later on - http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/memory-medic/201303/what...

Re: The Inverse Power of Praise (2007)

#36

Post by 300bps »

visarga wrote: post #33

If you know about nonviolent communication (NVC) - they say that most praise are violent speech because it doesn't come without strings attached - but rather are a form of subtle manipulation to make the kid perform as the parents desire. Instead of saying "You're so smart!" or "You're so hard working!" - which is attaching a label to the kid, they should focus inside an tell how the action of the kid made them feel:…

they say that most praise are violent speech

I think any system that twists words so ridiculously to make a point is highly suspect.

It is ridiculous to claim that praising someone can be accurately described as "violent speech". It holds as much hyperbole as saying you were "raped" at the grocery store because Apples were $2 each.

Re: The Inverse Power of Praise (2007)

#37

Post by g8oz »

jonsterling wrote: post #21
perlgeek wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, it's a bit contrived, and while it might be embarrassing on hackernews, it's not at all embarrassing when actually dealing with a 1.5yr old.

Nope, still embarrassing there too.

Yeah, wouldn't want to embarrass yourself in front of a toddler.

Re: The Inverse Power of Praise (2007)

#39

Post by jonsterling »

g8oz wrote: post #37
jonsterling wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nope, still embarrassing there too.

Yeah, wouldn't want to embarrass yourself in front of a toddler.

Lol, the purpose of embarrassment is not to avoid censure by those around you, but rather to avoid doing something shameful or disgraceful (whether alone or in company).

EDIT: So that I have said something in this thread other than short and flippant remarks:

The real problem I have with “And now maybe you're just a tiny bit scared sliding down?” or any other such nonsense, if we put aside the fact that it's so embarrassing I just winced myself in two—the main problem is that it is totally bewildering to the target audience. I know this, because when I was of such an age, I was saddled with caretakers for a time who thought in the same way as this poor fellow here. My four-year-old self is thinking, “Fuck you, I just fuckin climbed up this slide and you can’t stop me, I am fucking fearless—but a little hurt that you didn't think it was as cool as I did.” This is literally my four-year-old interior dialogue. I find it hard to imagine that I'm the only one.

In my (albeit limited and anecdotal experience), the little ones do not respond well to such fawning and whipperdogged pop-psychology-inspired beginner's folly emotional claptrap---it either insults them, confuses them, or dismays them. And it certainly does not instill confidence in the creature that you believe they can slide down successfully—and it is indeed reassurance that they were after, make no mistake.

Re: The Inverse Power of Praise (2007)

#40

Post by perlgeek »

jonsterling wrote: post #39
g8oz wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, wouldn't want to embarrass yourself in front of a toddler.

Lol, the purpose of embarrassment is not to avoid censure by those around you, but rather to avoid doing something shameful or disgraceful (whether alone or in company). EDIT: So that I have said something in this thread other than short and flippant remarks: The real problem I have with “And now maybe you're just a tiny bit scared sliding down?” or any other such nonsense, if we put aside the fact that it's so embar…

Context. Context. Of course you don't say it to 4yr old who does that thing 20 times a day. You say it to 1.5yr who did it the first or second time, and actually is hesitant.

Somehow I get the impression that you are deliberately trying to interpret everything in the poorest possible light, without any sense of context. Please stop that.

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