21–30 of 42 posts
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> "Yes, I'm looking. Did you have fun climbing up? And now maybe you're just a tiny bit scared sliding down?" Your point notwithstanding, imagining someone actually saying this made me wince with embarrassment. How idiotically contrived.
Yes, it's a bit contrived, and while it might be embarrassing on hackernews, it's not at all embarrassing when actually dealing with a 1.5yr old.
While praising children for the right thing is important, I don't think that the emphasis should be on praise. It is much more important that parents make a conscious effort to see the children, try to gauge their emotions, and reflect that in words. In the book "Your Competent Child" (I can highly recommend that to all parents), Jesper Juul gives an example. A child manages to climb up the back side of a slide, and…
> "Yes, I'm looking. Did you have fun climbing up? And now maybe you're just a tiny bit scared sliding down?" Your point notwithstanding, imagining someone actually saying this made me wince with embarrassment. How idiotically contrived.
While praising children for the right thing is important, I don't think that the emphasis should be on praise. It is much more important that parents make a conscious effort to see the children, try to gauge their emotions, and reflect that in words. In the book "Your Competent Child" (I can highly recommend that to all parents), Jesper Juul gives an example. A child manages to climb up the back side of a slide, and…
The children learn from example, not from your words. Do YOU have fun doing your work? Do YOU enjoy mowing the lawn? Do YOU enjoy riding the bicycle? Then your child will too.
Admittedly I haven't read Jull, but I have heard a few quotes from his books before and none of them made sense to me either.
wait what... cursive penmanship is a thing? i thought it was just a joke from cartoons.
While praising children for the right thing is important, I don't think that the emphasis should be on praise. It is much more important that parents make a conscious effort to see the children, try to gauge their emotions, and reflect that in words. In the book "Your Competent Child" (I can highly recommend that to all parents), Jesper Juul gives an example. A child manages to climb up the back side of a slide, and…
I respectfully disagree. There is nothing wrong with rewarding the child for his/her accomplishment, quite the contrary. I would also argue that it is especially important to show your love through the praise - verbal or not. If you try to repress that by using weird phrases like the one above I think you are not doing your child a favor. The children learn from example, not from your words. Do YOU have fun doing you…
> The children learn from example, not from your words. Do YOU have fun doing your work? Do YOU enjoy mowing the lawn? Do YOU enjoy riding the bicycle? Then your child will too.
Correct. And do you value them for just being them, instead of their achievements and their effort? if yes, they will too.
> Admittedly I haven't read Jull, but I have heard a few quotes from his books before and none of them made sense to me either.
They didn't make sense to me either, until I actually read the book. It's too big a shift from "standard" educational approaches to be summarized in a few quotes.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> "Yes, I'm looking. Did you have fun climbing up? And now maybe you're just a tiny bit scared sliding down?" Your point notwithstanding, imagining someone actually saying this made me wince with embarrassment. How idiotically contrived.
Why did it make you wince with embarrassment? From spending time with my nephews and friend's daughters, I know it's reasonable. I probably would have phrased it, "I see! Did you have fun climbing up? Do you want to slide down?" I probably wouldn't use the word "scared" unless I thought they actually looked scared.
If it was only a bit funnier, it would be a line for a skit about hippie parents on a sketch comedy show.
As someone who's received praise on being smart as a child, I don't think it's necessarily all that bad, depending on the mindset the child already has. If they already realize that working hard will lead to them doing better in school, then it probably won't have as debilitating as an effect.
But when adults (not only parents, but other family, even strangers) recognize and praise "smartness" long before the child can understand that hard work is involved? I'd say this is the problem. And it seems to be so for praise of most any attribute: praise a child constantly for their looks and they seem to have similar self-confidence problems later in life as well.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Here is Dweck's book. Have heard great things about it, but still sitting in my inbox. http://www.amazon.com/Mindset-The-New-Psychology-Success/dp/...
I found Mindset to be a good book. Here is my summary: Two mindsets: Fixed mindset - talents, abilities and intelligence are fixed, endowed Growth mindset - talents, abilities and intelligence are learned and can be developed These mindsets are learned, and have fundamentally different reactions to challenges. The two-mindsets model is a simplification for the purposes of explanation. Failure The growth mindset embra…
It's like you've hiked 1/10 of the way up a mountain and there's someone insistently blocking your view of the peak and saying "oh my god look at how far you've come you are awesome!"
While praising children for the right thing is important, I don't think that the emphasis should be on praise. It is much more important that parents make a conscious effort to see the children, try to gauge their emotions, and reflect that in words. In the book "Your Competent Child" (I can highly recommend that to all parents), Jesper Juul gives an example. A child manages to climb up the back side of a slide, and…
I respectfully disagree. There is nothing wrong with rewarding the child for his/her accomplishment, quite the contrary. I would also argue that it is especially important to show your love through the praise - verbal or not. If you try to repress that by using weird phrases like the one above I think you are not doing your child a favor. The children learn from example, not from your words. Do YOU have fun doing you…
Children who don't have responsive parents will tend to 'misbehave' until the parents become more responsive. I put 'misbehave' in quotes because although the form of the behaviour is bad, children are entitled to have responsive parents, and they know no other means of obtaining them
I think I know what you mean about words: children learn their moral ideas from parental behavior rather than from what their parents explicitly tell them to do.
But note that parental behavior includes words. So the principle is consistent with giving verbal descriptions of what a child is doing as he is doing it, or just after, or asking a question about it if you have one.
(I mean a real question, which is only rarely about feelings. I add this because all too many adult-child interactions are peppered with fake questions like 'Are you a good boy?' etc)
Verbal descriptions are helpful especially when, as we are discussing, something cool has happened, since there the child is operating at the edge of his ability and understanding, which is usually inexplicit in his mind. A verbal understanding helps to consolidate the achievement and also to introduce creative variations