I'm left wondering, though, what you actually did over the two years? You imply that you were working on it full time. Two years full time is a lot of time. You can do pretty much anything in that time (including, as others have mentioned, learn to code).
> idiot plans, budget forecasts, BUSINESS CARDS, fancy website [and writing articles]
I find it hard to believe you can work on those things for two years, day in and day out.