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Why am I here?

sivers.org

101–108 of 108 posts

Re: Why am I here?

#101
post #69

What if you don't know the answer to this question ("Why am I here?")? What if your answer is that you don't understand why you're still here? When your passion for everything and anything in life has waned to nothingness. When you feel like your body is in a constant state of physical and mental fatigue, bordering on a grinding, gnawing pain? When you feel like a passenger in your own life, stuck in the rat race, st…

How old are you? Too young to be having a mid-life crisis but too old to be experiencing teenage angst, is my guess. There is hope and something I say may help you but really the only one that can save you is your self . My reply depends on your context. Details needed.

To give you some background: I am 22 years old. I graduated from college about a year ago and I now make a living as a software engineer.

I agree that the only one who can save me is myself, and to all those who have said that I should seek professional help: I have and am currently working with someone to address these feelings I have towards my life.

I'm not sure what other details you were looking for, but that should be a start, at least.

Re: Why am I here?

#102
post #61
post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Right, but none of the author's reasons seemed to revolve around anything but his own desire to focus and work on his products. In the context of raising a family, that's hard to justify.

I don't aim to be thorough when blogging. They're just succinct little tidbits. Of course there's more to the story, and of course it was a whole-family decision. In fact my wife kinda led the decision even more than me. We hope to move back to Singapore when our kid is a bit older, but he's still just a baby, so I really want him to grow up outside surrounded by nature, not inside shopping malls.

I hear you and appreciate the brevity, but I think it makes the post sound (to me) a little like: "Hey, I just ask myself a simple question about what I want, follow my heart, and off I go!"

Re: Why am I here?

#103
post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Why am I here?" "Because my daughter loves it here." Seems to fit in with what he was saying to me.

Don't agree. Something like "because my kids can receive great education here" would be a great answer, but just "lovin' it" means nothing. And having good friends is not a good reason either, because real friends are those that stay close to you when you are far away. Moreover, I'd say adult people's life should not be constructed around their kids. It should be the opposite: kids follow their parents where they go…

Eh, I think too many parents are selfish, especially in America (not saying Sivers is--clearly he's not).

How often do you see parents dragging their screaming kids around, giving their 2-year old an iPad to shut them up at the coffee shop, buying a 50" flat screen TV while the college fund is at $0 and the bank accounts are overdrawn.

In the spirit of Sivers' post, I think if parents stopped, maybe once a month, and asked themselves "What am I doing to set my children up to have happy lives?" we'd all be better off.

Re: Why am I here?

#105
post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How old are you? Too young to be having a mid-life crisis but too old to be experiencing teenage angst, is my guess. There is hope and something I say may help you but really the only one that can save you is your self . My reply depends on your context. Details needed.

To give you some background: I am 22 years old. I graduated from college about a year ago and I now make a living as a software engineer. I agree that the only one who can save me is myself, and to all those who have said that I should seek professional help: I have and am currently working with someone to address these feelings I have towards my life. I'm not sure what other details you were looking for, but that sh…

You are really just starting your life. You will be a completely different man at 32 than 22. Accept that you are unhappy right now but this is a temporary situation that you are willing to resolve. You have a job and presumably a place to live, so right now everything is okay.

To help with feeling overwhelmed, confused and anxious about your life I recommend a book called "Focussing" by Eugene Gendlin. Its hard to explain but he has exercises that allow you to cope with life's problems by mentally building a little breathing space between your problems and your self. His method also allows you to get beyond the conscious self-talk and other mental static and tap the subconscious to understand why you are "stuck". (It all sounds like a bunch of non-sense and even Gendlin oversells it but the book is cheap, the exercises are easy to do and helpful and you don't have to buy into all the woo).

Based on your orginal post, it sounds like you launched on this life trajectory without thinking too much about it and that you are just now questioning it. This is a very common problem due to social expectations or parental pressures, etc. So here you are. Many people go down this path but don't question it until they hit middle age. So be glad you have avoided the disaster of a mid-life crisis. Moreover, figuring out who you are and what you value and what you want to do with your life at 22 is not only easier but you have way more options than the man who embarks on such a task at 50, with the ex-wife and three kids to consider.

So that is the essence of the problem. You are an adult now and need to decide what you believe, what you value and what you will do. In a more rational culture you would have been given much more guidance before being pushed out of the nest but the problem is still yours to solve. I recommend two books to read by Ayn Rand; Philosophy Who Needs It and The Virtue of Selfishness. My recommendation is not so much about her philosophy but about learning to think philosophically about your life.

Re: Why am I here?

#106
post #81
post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If you plan to have kids, be ready for corporal punishment in most schools and even some junior colleges, and (far more burdensome and soul crushing for an individualistic soul) military conscription For US expats raising their kids in Singapore, there is the option of sending them to the American international school ( http://www.sais.edu.sg/ ) instead of the public Singaporean school system. As for military consc…

> As for military conscription, that only applies to citizens, so if your children take US citizenship instead of Singaporean citizenship (US practices Jus Sanguinis, so I think this is possible), they wouldn't have to worry about military service (I'm not Singaporean or an immigration lawyer, so don't take my word on that). If you (like afaik, Sivers) surrender the US citizenship, is there any basis for children tak…

Oh, I didn't realize he had given up US citizenship. So is he a Singaporean citizen now? New Zealand citizen? I ask because it is generally easier for US passport holders to get Visas than citizens of most other countries, and Sivers seems to travel a lot.

Re: Why am I here?

#107
So glad to hear you're feeling at peace in NZ, Derek. I know many people who are quietly excited you've chosen this far flung island to call home and know that you are a fantastic addition to the community no matter what you chose to do. I know you've been inwardly focused lately, but whenever you're ready, there's a great community waiting to welcome you with open arms at Enspiral (including Loomio of course).

Re: Why am I here?

#108
post #106
post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> As for military conscription, that only applies to citizens, so if your children take US citizenship instead of Singaporean citizenship (US practices Jus Sanguinis, so I think this is possible), they wouldn't have to worry about military service (I'm not Singaporean or an immigration lawyer, so don't take my word on that). If you (like afaik, Sivers) surrender the US citizenship, is there any basis for children tak…

Oh, I didn't realize he had given up US citizenship. So is he a Singaporean citizen now? New Zealand citizen? I ask because it is generally easier for US passport holders to get Visas than citizens of most other countries, and Sivers seems to travel a lot.

No idea, actually. I am guessing Singaporean? It's possible to have a non-citizen US passport, though. I'd also imagine SG passport is still quite great for travel in East Asia, SE-Asia, and Oceania.
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