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What Happens When One of Your Coworkers Dies

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Re: What Happens When One of Your Coworkers Dies

#161

Post by simonebrunozzi »

steven2012 wrote: post #70
judk wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Tell more about your experience working with him. Maybe not here, but wherever. Maybe to his parents, too.

His parents flew in from Europe for the funeral. It was unreal to imagine what they went through, my coworker's entire family was essentially erased. I wrote his father a letter explaining what his son meant to me. I never received a response... I didn't expect one either knowing what they went through, but I felt like it was my obligation to at least let them know.

What a sad story. Which part of Europe was he from? I am not surprised that his father did not reply, but I'm sure that he appreciated your letter.

Re: What Happens When One of Your Coworkers Dies

#162

Post by PavlovsCat »

lmm wrote: post #157
Confusion wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm an athiest and I get really annoyed when people say such things [..] Why? You make it sound like you think that's an entirely reasonable response, but as a fellow atheist: I don't think it is. Why not just say 'Thanks'?

It can lead to a very dangerous fatalism. If you think it's in God's hands whether you survive a crash, why wear a seatbelt? More generally I get annoyed when someone says something false, even if I can't immediately see what mistakes it's going to lead them to make. My experience is that even the most benign-seeming of errors can cause problems sooner or later.

> Why not just say 'Thanks'?

> It can lead to a very dangerous fatalism.

I know I'm quoting out of context, but I had to.

> My experience is that even the most benign-seeming of errors can cause problems sooner or later.

But of course you don't mean the mistake of mistaking a genuine attempt to be friendly for something to be indignated about. No, when someone speaks from their position into your life, that is not okay. If you speak from your position into theirs, it's super objective and correct, and to downvote them into oblivion is a perfectly adequate response. Who here would care if they're hellbanned? Just another peddler of religious beliefs, nuke them.

Oh, but as Bill Hicks said: Newsflash, you're dead too. Mistakes lead to a bad outcome, so does perfection. So I don't quite get the posturing.

We’re all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn’t. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing. -- Charles Bukowski

Yet from what I can tell, not believing in a particular fairy tale doesn't mean that every single thing you otherwise hold true isn't a fairy tale as well. It doesn't take a lot of science or introspection to realize that, does it? When people say "Planet Earth" instead if exactly describing the configuration of all matter and energy in the universe, does that make you angry, too?

Re: What Happens When One of Your Coworkers Dies

#163

Post by Confusion »

lmm wrote: post #157
Confusion wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm an athiest and I get really annoyed when people say such things [..] Why? You make it sound like you think that's an entirely reasonable response, but as a fellow atheist: I don't think it is. Why not just say 'Thanks'?

It can lead to a very dangerous fatalism. If you think it's in God's hands whether you survive a crash, why wear a seatbelt? More generally I get annoyed when someone says something false, even if I can't immediately see what mistakes it's going to lead them to make. My experience is that even the most benign-seeming of errors can cause problems sooner or later.

Getting annoyed and telling people off doesn't result in fewer instances of dangerous fatalism, because that is not a very effective way of convincing people. It may as well have the opposite effect: "See, God is great, he even takes care of this smug bastard"

Similarly, getting annoyed when people say something false doesn't result in fewer problems, as you are unlikely to communicate in an effective way when annoyed and are unlikely to convince anyone of the falsehood. Again, it may well have the opposite effect: the non-occurrence of armageddon never dissuades a cult of their beliefs, but rather makes them stronger.

And if you say something like "Well, they should listen if they know what's good for them", then you show that the rationalization of your behavior is just a facade. Then you are not truly interested in preventing problems. If you were, you would try to be effective, not just right.

Re: What Happens When One of Your Coworkers Dies

#164

Post by willt79 »

morganherlocker wrote: post #153
liotier wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Someone in my company died of illness - someone quite young so it was a surprise and a shock to all around him. It has been more than a year and his computers are still on his desk...

My first day on the job I erased the whiteboard in my office. When a couple people walked in and saw what I was erasing (a short inspirational phrase on the corner of the board), everyone had a look of horror on their face. It turned out that a close friend of the company had been in the office and written that phrase on the board. He died the next day. That was 2 years before I erased it, and everyone had been keepi…

No one knew to write "No Erase" next to the comment? Oops, their bad.

Re: What Happens When One of Your Coworkers Dies

#165

Post by Confusion »

pc86 wrote: post #159
seanccox wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A quick scan of jigneshg's past comments reveals that they are definitely not a native English speaker, and as was pointed out above, in Indian culture, this is a perfectly polite way to empathize with another's suffering. The irony that this apparent cultural misunderstanding has caused jigneshg's karma to plummet gives me no end of mirth, but the clearly anglophile Western (and perhaps white male) reaction to jigne…

What exactly does race or gender have to do with anything in this comment thread?

Where exactly does seamccox reference race or gender? Cultural differences have everything to do with this comment thread.

Re: What Happens When One of Your Coworkers Dies

#166

Post by pc86 »

Confusion wrote: post #165
pc86 wrote: post #159

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What exactly does race or gender have to do with anything in this comment thread?

Where exactly does seamccox reference race or gender? Cultural differences have everything to do with this comment thread.

> (and perhaps white male)

Re: What Happens When One of Your Coworkers Dies

#167

Post by seanccox »

pc86 wrote: post #159
seanccox wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A quick scan of jigneshg's past comments reveals that they are definitely not a native English speaker, and as was pointed out above, in Indian culture, this is a perfectly polite way to empathize with another's suffering. The irony that this apparent cultural misunderstanding has caused jigneshg's karma to plummet gives me no end of mirth, but the clearly anglophile Western (and perhaps white male) reaction to jigne…

What exactly does race or gender have to do with anything in this comment thread?

As an American male who is white, my first reading of jigneshg's comment led me to a negative reaction, similar to those expressed above. So, for my part, race and gender had a great deal to do with my initial reaction, and I felt it important to bring that to light in my comment, because many of the reactions to jigneshg's comment insist that his language says something that, in the Indian context, it does not say. That insistence is unapologetically Eurocentric, since the West holds no monopoly over the English language or its use/meaning in India. Furthermore, those reactions are consistent with the racism I have witnessed among white males on a self-righteous power trip. It's a simple misunderstanding, blown wildly out of proportion because the parties reacting aren't taking the time to acknowledge that a misunderstanding has taken place.

Also, to make it abundantly clear, adopting another culture's religious concept and using it as a gamified point system – karma – is kinda shitty. Karma isn't a point system, except in the most limited Western view of the concept, and here HN deploys it synonymously with points, and jigneshg, who is likely SE Asian (based on their use of English) is getting nailed to the cross according to a Eurocentric, stripped down definition of Karma. That power dynamic (abstract though it may be) is what makes this racist.

Re: What Happens When One of Your Coworkers Dies

#168

Post by aaronem »

na85 wrote: post #127
jigneshg wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hi Steven, Sorry to hear your horrible experience loosing good friend and after reading your reply, i feel that the person like him did not deserve such death :( Sometime it is very difficult for human to understand GOD and his punishment !

>Sometime it is very difficult for human to understand GOD and his punishment ! How does it feel to be a terrible fucking person?

Why ask a question whose answer you already know?

Re: What Happens When One of Your Coworkers Dies

#169

Post by aaronem »

shiftpgdn wrote: post #134
judk wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Obits in the paper? Startup idea here, folks. Monitor my mail contacts etc and notify me when someone dies.

That's morbid, nobody would sign up for that.

Sure they would. Make it cheap and good, you've got a world beater.

Re: What Happens When One of Your Coworkers Dies

#170

Post by aaronem »

theorique wrote: post #145
pgrote wrote: post #4

Great writing. I worked with a business analyst once who dropped off his laptop for me to take a look at on a Friday afternoon. Odd, because we did regularly scheduled maintenance and he brought his external monitor in. On Monday morning his mother called to report he had killed himself. It was so abrupt and took the group by surprise. I do remember thinking that it would change everything. Life went on, though.

What happened to the laptop?

I doubt I will ever see a comment thread which more perfectly typifies HN.
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