Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

theglobeandmail.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

161–168 of 168 posts

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#161

Post by tachyonbeam »

roma1n wrote: post #132

In my late twenties, a combination of things helped me somewhat (I am still lonely, but not nearly as much) * Psychotherapy (it takes time to find a therapist that clicks, though) * Antidepressants * Not trying to hide it from my colleagues / family (the period when I did that was a miserable one) * A few well-intentioned friends from work * Family support * This guide : http://www.succeedsocially.com/ * Meetup et al…

If you don't mind me asking, which antidepressant, and what effect does it have on you? Considering getting on them myself.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#162

Post by johnchristopher »

cJ0th wrote: post #149
AznHisoka wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"You can find your own Angel in the most ridiculous of circumstances" I think it's dangerous to find salvation on 1 single person. Life is not black and white, and there's no "angels" in this world.

That's right. But then again, there are certain people out there who can change people in a positive way. Additionally, I think it is important to actively seek people that could positively affect you. The case above sounds more like a lucky incident. Luck can happen but don't bank on it!

Well... I like the saying "When the student is ready, the master shows up". It's not about providence though.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#163

Post by 001sky »

EdwigePelagia wrote: post #106
bowlofpetunias wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They also consider themselves exempt from the common practice that text in quotes contains sentences the people quoted have actually said or written. I.e., the author may as well have pulled it out of her ass, and you would be none the wiser. That's old school quality journalism for you.

Yeah this is pretty absurd. I've been "quoted" a few times in newspapers and they got my statements completely wrong. Just flat out changed the wording (and therefore meaning) of what I said. The Globe and Mail is as authoritative and reputable as they get, but this isn't saying much. The media is just a shit show in general. Having said that, even more pathetic is people who get their information from internet forum…

Crowd-sourcing citations, conventional wisdom, and syllabi seems rather distinct from "the authority hierarchy", and the ROI is far more massive the further up that food chain you are, right? probably worth keeping in mind...

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#164

Post by notdrunkatall »

tonyedgecombe wrote: post #135
petercooper wrote: post #118

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The children played in the road (hardly any cars) and in a park Now I see children in nurseries behind substantial railings The family may or may not know the neighbours at all There's a separate issue which reveals itself in what you say but which wasn't specifically addressed. A big reason for less community cohesion nowadays is that no longer are large numbers of parents staying at home and interacting in the comm…

We have gone from women not having the freedom to work to women not having the freedom to not work.

Occasionally I come across a statement that succinctly explains some complex cultural phenomenon as well as or better than an entire book could. This is one of those statements.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#165

Post by FrojoS »

amerika_blog wrote: post #124

The reason for this: as a modern Western society, we no longer have much in common, we no longer have communal rituals, and we share very little in values. Thus people drift apart and worse, "friendship" has come to be an act of convenience.

Exactly. I'm surprised, this comment is not further up. If you are all about self-actualization, keep pushing your limits and experience new things, it is hard to maintain deep friendships if your friends don't move in the same direction and at similar speed. Same problem with romantic relationships. We're so much about individuality that we become incompatible with the majority of people. For many its not about being shy, or a lack social skills but that we like to do our own thing and easily end up lonely because of that.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#166

Post by saraid216 »

scotty79 wrote: post #37
saraid216 wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Other people absolutely have plans. They have them all the time. They have those plans because someone called them up and made those plans . Get used to hearing no. The only way to do that is to be told no a lot. The only way to be told no is to ask in the first place. It's not easy. It's still not easy for me. I go through long phases where I've given up and refuse to invite people to things or tell them about thing…

I'm not afraid of hearing no. I'd be relived to hear no. I don't want to cause them to say yes when they don't want to just because they like me or they think they should. Also most of my plans do not come from people calling me. I guess my reservation towards calling other people comes from not wanting to cause trouble to other people just like the ones they would have caused me if they called me. I have no objectio…

> I don't want to cause them to say yes when they don't want to just because they like me

But that's the only reason they would say yes. Unless they're just using you as a source of information or as someone who can lend them a thing.

Are you afraid that people like you? That they think they should like you?

I feel that the right response here is to link you to Aristotle's conception of friendship: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philia

You seem to have nothing but friendships of utility. Your friends are people who can give you information or lend you things, and who trouble you when they call upon you for the pleasure of your company. That's the kind of friendship a lobbyist talks about having with the local senator.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#167

Post by was_hellbanned »

gcr wrote: post #154
was_hellbanned wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's like saying intolerance of intolerance is intolerant. In fact, I'd like to have simply said, "stop being an asshole", but that sort of direct, rude comment gets downvoted here on HN. Meanwhile, an extremely rude, condescending, dismissive, but roundabout comment stays neutral or is even upvoted.

That's true. I think it could be interesting if people on HN actively tried to flip their negative comments into a point of discussion. For example, if we instead said "You sound like you have stories to tell, do you have any experience with bad therapists? What could they have done better?" then the conversation could continue down a more interesting path.

That's a really good point, and something I'll have to think about in the future. I suppose an awful lot of online "discussions" are really sequential attempts at having the last word.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#168

Post by specialist »

sown wrote: post #33

this applies to me. I'm very alone pretty much most of the time. Not really had friends and not great at making them. For the last 11 months I've tried going out and being the most positive person I can, to be a friend to as many people as I can but I don't know if it's working or not. Just talking to people, listening to them, smiling at everyone. It feels like I'm just a grinning idiot, that no one takes me serious…

Late response, sorry.

Fake it until you make it. For me, the transformation took about 3 years.

How you talk changes how you think.

Out of ideas, I decided to I'd stop being angry by pretending to be happy. It started out sarcastically. How are you? Oh, I'm FANTASTIC, thank you for asking. People responded positively, which is a nice reinforcement. Fortunately, my sarcasm is too subtle for most people to key on.

I wasn't even aware that it was working. Then one day I woke and said "Wow, I'm FANTASTIC!" I had to do a double take. It was true. When did that happen? I have no idea when I crossed the tipping point from angry to happy.

Now being happy isn't always true. Just mostly true. And it helps.

So I encourage you to pretend to be whoever you want to be, until it becomes (more) true.

Happy Hunting.

Post reply on HN