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Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

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Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#91

Post by Amadou »

Jtsummers wrote: post #63
githulhu wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At the risk of sounding negative, I've found that this is probably a waste of time, because most therapists are utter garbage... And, it's really no surprise, really, if you look at the average salary for therapists. I imagine that most of the ones who could actually help you are running high-priced practices treating Arab princes and basketball players...naturally they are not going to be found in the provider direc…

At the risk of sounding positive, I've found therapy to not be a waste of time, despite therapists being generally mediocre. As long as they're not an asshole, having someone listen to you and prompt you with questions is incredibly therapeutic. It also helps immensely that you can be confident about your privacy. Just getting it out sometimes is what you need. None of the therapists I dealt with when going through a…

As long as they're not an asshole, having someone listen to you and prompt you with questions is incredibly therapeutic.

That makes therapy sound like renting a friend. I don't mean that in a snarky way at all, maybe that's even a good definition in some cases.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#92

Post by auctiontheory »

hrjet wrote: post #89
auctiontheory wrote: post #68

In poor countries, like India, you have no privacy at all. The overreaction, in rich countries like the US, is to buy privacy the richer you get. But Americans take it to extremes, buying huge houses that allow them to go days without interacting with another person. In fact, not having to deal with other people is considered a desirable luxury. Sit at home and eat and watch TV and shop. I know people who drive (down…

You are conflating loneliness (the feeling) with isolation (the physical separation).

They are positively correlated. TFA suggests that physical separation contributes to loneliness.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#93

Post by psbp »

everyone wrote: post #15
muhuk wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How did you come to meet them? (if you don't mind me asking)

Np. College, work, house-sharing, school (one who I met over 20 years ago) Though I have gone to college twice and worked in many many jobs. The most recent intense-friend I made was at a college halloween party the year before last. I'm am generally not into wasting time with people but when I do socialise I like to go to house parties and whatnot. I reckon for me to find one of these special people who I click with…

I think you're right on with the probability of personalities clicking. I'm a pretty outgoing person, but I've only met a handful of people in my lifetime who I genuinely enjoy being around. I think I'm pretty lucky that I happened to meet them, or maybe we just gravitated towards each other.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#94

Post by lstamour »

busterarm wrote: post #86
zigzig wrote: post #7

While I've made plenty of bad decisions myself, I think a large part of why I've always been extremely lonely and isolated is that I was raised with very little sense of family or community. Growing up an only child, my parents apparently never thought it was worth me meeting the 80% of my cousins that lived in the same country, but somewhat far away. My parents themselves had scant friends or associates (at least du…

I spent most of my childhood on my own and I don't have a particularly close family. I've had friends and girlfriends that partially extended me into their families, but those ties never seem to last and it's always painful to let go. Being part of a close family is the only thing I really want in life, or have ever really wanted. It's also something that I can't seem to get. This brings me to tears often. I feel unb…

Try taking up community dance lessons. They're usually offered as municipal activities for free or very cheaply. If you're male, you'll never be without partners, as there are usually always more women to men, so some women may dance the mens part to even it out. And it worked for my dad, he went from not knowing dance, to volunteering there often, to dating and now a second marriage. As a somewhat lonely person myself, this showed me that in life, there are indeed second chances. And life is what you make of it. Try new things.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#95

Post by eli_gottlieb »

chattoraj wrote: post #50
jxf wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's "The Little Prince". Definitely worth a read!

I read it recently, and found it to be Atlas Shrugged for 5-year-olds. The only point of the story is to say: "YOU, the reader, being a child, are so much better and smarter than all these grown-up sheeple!!" All told, I like the version at the end of this page[1] much better. [1] http://the-toast.net/2013/08/02/texts-from-peter-pan-et-al/

>The only point of the story is to say: "YOU, the reader, being a child, are so much better and smarter than all these grown-up sheeple!!"

I'm 24 and it's still true. Being an adult is being able to handle responsibilities and take care of yourself in the world. Being a grown-up is being a prig whose soul died years ago.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#98

Post by eli_gottlieb »

Lost_BiomedE wrote: post #25

I always feel that many in the U.S., by far my largest cultural exposure, consider a false stoicism as mature and wise. I find it closed and boring. Many may be doing this due to being rewarded for keeping your mouth shut and punished for sticking out. It also seems that too large of a percentage who don't do this are predators, in one way or another. This makes it worse. The best place that I have found people to op…

Mind, even though Americans are usually considered pretty loud and open, there are even those of us who are too loud and open for America.

Though I did have an easier time in California and New York than in Massachusetts. Hmm...

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#99

Post by sejje »

hnriot wrote: post #65
sejje wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Serious question: do you (or anyone else) think it's immoral to go to church as an atheist just to meet people? I get along really well with church people, but I simultaneously hate talking about religion.

of course it's not immoral, but it may be dumb. There are "church people" everywhere, you don't need to go and listen to people doing something you hate to meet them. However, my recommendation would be forget this idea of "church people" you have, it sounds unhealthy to me. Less labels.

I didn't really mean that religion itself or its discussion is distasteful, rather enunciating and defending my own views can be.

I'm not outspoken on the topic, so primarily these discussions have happened with my family, who seem disappointed.

I just find that I enjoy my time with Christians, particularly a Christian organization (which does amazing work and treats me better than maybe anyone ever has) for whom I maintain a website, and a pickup-basketball group that was held in a church each week. I'm not trying to support any "labels," rather it's just a personal observation.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#100

Post by wturner »

busterarm wrote: post #82
wturner wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is completely true. One thing that can break the feedback loop is to tap into something that made you happy when you were young and then find some group that does that activity.One thing I do is skateboard at a public park. Everyone is very individualistic so it appeals to that personality trait but at the same time you're loosely part of a group and engaged in an activity that inherently fires endorphins. This…

I've tried this in various forms and had very mixed results. Nostalgia can be a really tricky thing and can lead to some unhappy roads. Overall though I find that what I used to do doesn't really suit me anymore and finding out what my passions are now (which is very hard) is more rewarding than chasing the passions of my youth.

Its not about 'chasing' your youth. Its just about trying to capture those feelings and displacing them toward something different that is more 'adult' and in the present.
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