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Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

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Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#21

Post by dougk16 »

everyone wrote: post #10

I actually live a quite isolated existence. I dont really like most people and am very happy this way (I can read, program, play games, make music etc. in peace and not deal with the tediousness of having to interact with people I find boring) However, I do occasionally meet other people (maybe a bit like me in some ways) and we get on incredibly well. Every week or two when we feel sociable I will meet one of them f…

As I think the article points out somewhere, loneliness and being alone are different things...you can feel lonely in a crowded room, and all that. You have people to interact with when loneliness starts creeping in...so good! It just sounds like your threshold for isolation turning into actual loneliness is higher than most people.

I think my threshold is pretty similar, but the danger comes in when those few people you have to interact with move away or otherwise become unavailable, then it can become hard to meet new people because you're so out of practice.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#22

Post by evanmoran »

When I was in college a classmate of mine would come by every day or so to my dorm. He would just hang out, talking about class or whatever. I couldn't understand why he kept coming over, but I was too polite to mention anything.

Turns out, he came by because we were friends.

In fact, we had been friends the whole time, but I didn't know it! What I missed is that the stages between meeting people and friendship look a lot like hanging out. It seems quite arbitrary -- why this activity, this person? But the hanging out stage _is_ necessary. Unless you text them, knock on their door, set up a gaming night, or go on a road trip, it is hard to grow closer.

So the next time you meet someone remember they are probably like you: a bit nerdy, a bit lonely. Just reach out and spend time with them for no reason, and then maybe, someday, you'll discover that you too are friends.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#24

Post by everyone »

scotty79 wrote: post #18
everyone wrote: post #10

I actually live a quite isolated existence. I dont really like most people and am very happy this way (I can read, program, play games, make music etc. in peace and not deal with the tediousness of having to interact with people I find boring) However, I do occasionally meet other people (maybe a bit like me in some ways) and we get on incredibly well. Every week or two when we feel sociable I will meet one of them f…

Meeting people every week or two is having isolated existence? I often don't see my closest (and pretty much only) friends for few months.

Yeah that happens to me too. Every week or two is probably the most frequent. I dont mind that, I know when we do meet up it will be fun! and in the meantime I can spend more time working on my many projects. Though if I really feel like meeting up I will make a big effort and keep bugging them until we do.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#25

Post by Lost_BiomedE »

I always feel that many in the U.S., by far my largest cultural exposure, consider a false stoicism as mature and wise. I find it closed and boring. Many may be doing this due to being rewarded for keeping your mouth shut and punished for sticking out. It also seems that too large of a percentage who don't do this are predators, in one way or another. This makes it worse.

The best place that I have found people to open up and be themselves within a day, is at a bar. Even if they just got there and have not had a bit to drink.

I find almost everyone interesting if they open up. I am an introvert by nature, so it doesn't bother me much. If I was more extrovert, I would probably be going mad.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#26

Post by thirdtruck »

evanmoran wrote: post #22

When I was in college a classmate of mine would come by every day or so to my dorm. He would just hang out, talking about class or whatever. I couldn't understand why he kept coming over, but I was too polite to mention anything. Turns out, he came by because we were friends. In fact, we had been friends the whole time, but I didn't know it! What I missed is that the stages between meeting people and friendship look…

I've known this for a long time (years). However, the recognition tends to keep getting pushed aside by new insights or concerns about my latest project work and to the detriment of making lasting connections. Thank you for putting it in such a succinct form that I must take lasting notice of it.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#27

Post by thirdtruck »

thirdtruck wrote: post #26
evanmoran wrote: post #22

When I was in college a classmate of mine would come by every day or so to my dorm. He would just hang out, talking about class or whatever. I couldn't understand why he kept coming over, but I was too polite to mention anything. Turns out, he came by because we were friends. In fact, we had been friends the whole time, but I didn't know it! What I missed is that the stages between meeting people and friendship look…

I've known this for a long time (years). However, the recognition tends to keep getting pushed aside by new insights or concerns about my latest project work and to the detriment of making lasting connections. Thank you for putting it in such a succinct form that I must take lasting notice of it.

And sweet Sagan, that came out sounding a lot more clinical than I would like. At least that's probably just a product of exhaustion from several hours of karaoke with complete strangers. :)

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#28

Post by thirdtruck »

madcap wrote: post #23

The article mentions Portland as an example of city planning which encourages interaction and social cohesion. Are there any other examples that spring to mind for U.S. cities? I'm looking to relocate and this is high on the list for me.

Makes me wonder if we can trace the origins of Portland as a "blogger mecca" to this kind of planning.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#29

Post by everyone »

dougk16 wrote: post #21
everyone wrote: post #10

I actually live a quite isolated existence. I dont really like most people and am very happy this way (I can read, program, play games, make music etc. in peace and not deal with the tediousness of having to interact with people I find boring) However, I do occasionally meet other people (maybe a bit like me in some ways) and we get on incredibly well. Every week or two when we feel sociable I will meet one of them f…

As I think the article points out somewhere, loneliness and being alone are different things...you can feel lonely in a crowded room, and all that. You have people to interact with when loneliness starts creeping in...so good! It just sounds like your threshold for isolation turning into actual loneliness is higher than most people. I think my threshold is pretty similar, but the danger comes in when those few people…

Yeah, see my comment below. It was really amazing and life-affirming to meet my new friend 2 years ago, but if you just keep a baseline level of meeting new people I think its statistically likely you will meet one. This does mean u have to go to events and things with lots of people, but only once every few months + it can involve something you love like music or games or whatever.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#30

Post by dobbsbob »

madcap wrote: post #23

The article mentions Portland as an example of city planning which encourages interaction and social cohesion. Are there any other examples that spring to mind for U.S. cities? I'm looking to relocate and this is high on the list for me.

Austin Texas is pretty friendly, also many community events. So is the Philippines for that matter
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