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How I Learned to Work a Room

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Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#31

Post by KiwiCoder »

kordless wrote: post #20
KiwiCoder wrote: post #4

I tend to introversion, and networking in a room filled with people wears me out faster than just about anything else. So, given that my social energy is limited, here's what I do: * Have a concrete goal for each event, things like: small talk with 5 random people, elevator pitch to Jane, get contact details to follow up with Jim and Mo, etc. * Step out of unproductive/negative chats asap - "excuse me, I need to make…

Working the smoking area is much easier than working the room. Best conversations of my life have been standing on a curb with another smoker. I quit about a year ago, but still use the ecig.

Not sure this would be as effective if I stood around puffing on a pencil. I don't know, I've never smoked except once when I was 11.

Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#32

Post by KiwiCoder »

senthil_rajasek wrote: post #30

I cannot believe this article managed to get to the front page on HN. People here must be desperate to make connections ;-) The author/reporter tried this approach once and its a really small set of experiments for such a bold claim. Flagging this...

There is a point in the life of many introverts where they look at all the fun the extroverts seem to be having and wonder if they might have some of that kind of fun too.

Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#33

Post by bernatfp »

driverdan wrote: post #24
bernatfp wrote: post #19

When I encounter myself in these sort of situations I feel uncomfortable so I kind of empathize with the author. And it's funny because I'm working on an iPhone app which is aimed at solving these kind of situations where you want to start new conversations with strangers. It's called Joiner ( http://www.joinerapp.com ) if you want to check it out (shameless plug). However, I think I'm not only worried by how to appr…

Why does someone have to have the same interests in you? Ask them questions and find out why their interests are different. You can often learn more from a person with a different perspective. Escaping the echo chamber is hard but very rewarding.

90% of the time I get out of this echo chamber I find myself trapped in discussing the last episode of X TV series or Y sports match. I'm fine with that, but sometimes I'd prefer to talk about other stuff and finding the right people blindly can be hard.

Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#34

Post by reirob »

mcdougle wrote: post #14
fersho311 wrote: post #9

There was a time when talking to others in a crowded room filled me with fear to the extend that words flowed out of my mouth in ways that does not make any sense even to myself. I spoke gibberish and if you had the misfortune of talking to me, you would probably find an excuse to get away. I hated the idea of going to social events. At every event, I felt that I was the stupidest person in the room and that nobody w…

It seems you discovered for yourself what every book on communication emphasizes -- ask questions! People would rather talk about themselves than listen to you talking about yourself, so if you just get them talking and then listen to what they have to say (you barely have to even speak most of the time!) not only will you learn quite a bit, the other person will usually come away feeling like it was a very good conv…

I agree, just want to change to "ask open questions" with emphasis on "open".

Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#35

Post by VladRussian2 »

mcdougle wrote: post #14
fersho311 wrote: post #9

There was a time when talking to others in a crowded room filled me with fear to the extend that words flowed out of my mouth in ways that does not make any sense even to myself. I spoke gibberish and if you had the misfortune of talking to me, you would probably find an excuse to get away. I hated the idea of going to social events. At every event, I felt that I was the stupidest person in the room and that nobody w…

It seems you discovered for yourself what every book on communication emphasizes -- ask questions! People would rather talk about themselves than listen to you talking about yourself, so if you just get them talking and then listen to what they have to say (you barely have to even speak most of the time!) not only will you learn quite a bit, the other person will usually come away feeling like it was a very good conv…

>ask questions!

it would be nice. Unfortunately asking questions i feel like i'm interrogating or intruding onto somebody's else private property.

Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#36

Post by gk1 »

How to get out of a one-on-one conversation:

OPTION 1

You: "So who are you hoping to meet tonight?"

Them: "I'm hoping to meet with someone that does $x."

You: "Oh I just met Bob, who's into $x. He's over there, do you want to meet him?"

Them: "Sure!"

You go and introduce them, then after a minute excuse yourself. They'll hardly notice.

OPTION 2

You: "So who are you hoping to meet tonight?"

Them: "I'm hoping to meet with someone that does $x."

You: "Great! I'm looking to meet someone that does $y. Have you met anyone here that's into that?"

Them: "Oh yeah, Steve over there works in $y!"

You: "Oh interesting. Would you introduce us?"

They go introduce you to Steve and will likely (hopefully) excuse themselves shortly thereafter.

OPTION 3

And finally, if neither of you can make an introduction (eg, if you both just arrived):

You: "So who are you hoping to meet tonight?"

Them: "I'm hoping to meet with someone that does $x."

You: "Great! I'm looking to meet someone that does $y. Have you met anyone here that's into that?"

Them: "Not yet, I just got here."

You: "Me too. Let's go meet some people together. That looks like a good group over there." (Point to group of 3+ people)

Them: "Sure!"

You walk up to the group together and make introductions. The group will naturally split up within a few minutes and you'll be left speaking with new people.

Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#37

Post by napoleond »

frogpelt wrote: post #29
fersho311 wrote: post #9

There was a time when talking to others in a crowded room filled me with fear to the extend that words flowed out of my mouth in ways that does not make any sense even to myself. I spoke gibberish and if you had the misfortune of talking to me, you would probably find an excuse to get away. I hated the idea of going to social events. At every event, I felt that I was the stupidest person in the room and that nobody w…

Your approach is very similar to Dale Carnegie's advice in "How To Win Friends and Influence People".[1] By showing interest in what other people are doing instead of only telling them about yourself or espousing your opinions they are more likely to want to be around you. 1: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influenc...

pg has said that he considers How to Win Friends and Influence People to be the most inspiring book on leadership[0]. I think it's especially helpful for hackers, because it basically lays out instructions for how to meet (and then exceed) people's social expectations. A lot of non-hackers seem to have learned those skills in middle school, while many of us were busy learning other skills. Learning to "play along" and meet expectations is enormously valuable, in business and in life.

I had a bit of an aversion to the premise of the book at first, because it seemed manipulative to me somehow ("winning" and "influencing" people, ie. thinking of them as systems and trying to "hack" them) but I eventually came to see how narcissistic that was--I am not superhuman and cannot exert mind control, so any social "hacking" is really just using the system the way it is designed to be used. At the end of the day, most of Carnegie's advice boils down to being a nice person and putting yourself in other people's shoes often, but with examples of how that sort of behavior can be beneficial to you.

0. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6636086

Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#38

Post by reirob »

kordless wrote: post #20
KiwiCoder wrote: post #4

I tend to introversion, and networking in a room filled with people wears me out faster than just about anything else. So, given that my social energy is limited, here's what I do: * Have a concrete goal for each event, things like: small talk with 5 random people, elevator pitch to Jane, get contact details to follow up with Jim and Mo, etc. * Step out of unproductive/negative chats asap - "excuse me, I need to make…

Working the smoking area is much easier than working the room. Best conversations of my life have been standing on a curb with another smoker. I quit about a year ago, but still use the ecig.

As an ex smoker I fully agree. I miss the fun l had during the smoke breaks with other people. After I quit smoking however unfortunately l quit as well the habit to make these fun and efficient breaks.

Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#39

Post by benched »

kordless wrote: post #21

I'd also add that body language of a pair talking will tell you if you are welcome to stick around and converse. If they separate slightly to accommodate your presence and address you by looking at you when they are talking, you are good to go. If they stay facing each other and do quick glances at you, they are probably having a more intimate discussion which may be hard if you are standing there listening. Body lan…

I always wonder just how well body language really correlates with intention, in general. For example, whenever I'm standing in a pair or group, and somebody walks over, I always consciously reorient myself to help include the new person. But I never seem to notice other people doing the same. I think I use my body language quite consciously, but I usually get the impression that it is mostly unconscious for others. Yet, I can't really know this for sure.

Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#40

Post by reirob »

Funny. It is actually the comments that made me finally read the article. Nice technique. But immediately I felt sorry for all the people that come in the room alone and do not have the courage to mingle. This technique will make them feel even more bad.
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