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Ask HN: "Dumbing yourself down" around your peers?

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Re: Ask HN: "Dumbing yourself down" around your peers?

#91

Post by anatoly »

xenophanes wrote: post #33
DanielBMarkham wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What can I say? I'm a karma whore. I just restate the obvious and bask in the upvoting love. ;) Seriously though, I thought long and hard about hitting the submit button. Too many times somebody comes to the group with an honest question and then we rag all over them. It's easy to be critical! As hackers we are really good at finding faults. But I tried to put myself in his shoes. After all, he came for some feedback…

> > give up the I'm-so-smart routine. Trust me, you're an idiot like the rest of us > What can I say? I'm a karma whore. I just restate the obvious and bask in the upvoting love. It's weird that insulting the OP and myself is a method of karma whoring. Anyway, downvoted for being so pessimistic and then calling your ideas "obvious" which is arrogant (and moments after you implied the OP is arrogant by saying he overe…

ma gavte la nata (look it up).

Re: Ask HN: "Dumbing yourself down" around your peers?

#92

Post by xenophanes »

anatoly wrote: post #91
xenophanes wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> > give up the I'm-so-smart routine. Trust me, you're an idiot like the rest of us > What can I say? I'm a karma whore. I just restate the obvious and bask in the upvoting love. It's weird that insulting the OP and myself is a method of karma whoring. Anyway, downvoted for being so pessimistic and then calling your ideas "obvious" which is arrogant (and moments after you implied the OP is arrogant by saying he overe…

ma gavte la nata (look it up).

So, it's an insult.

Go troll somewhere else. An entire post that's an insult that people have to google shouldn't be posted here.

Re: Ask HN: "Dumbing yourself down" around your peers?

#95

Post by lastps »

Intelligence is a commodity and is often over-rated. For example, I think energy/focus is more important.

Everyone has something valuable to give whether they are smart or not. More relevant is "Do I like this person?"

A focus on intelligence rather than "do i like them" seems like you are rigging the game in favor of your strengths. You're intelligent so that's the lens through which you view the world. A beautiful person or an exception people person might use those lens.

Again, "do i like them?" is more important than your biased lens.

Re: Ask HN: "Dumbing yourself down" around your peers?

#96

Post by kgc »

I dumb myself down occasionally when I realize I'm making the person I'm talking to feel bad.

I used to just keep on educating/making corrections for people until I realized that the primary purpose of socializing in the majority of cases isn't necessarily for communication, but for camaraderie.

Now, instead of going off on intellectual monologues, I simply ask clarifying questions or make jokes that make us all laugh and realize the correct answer as a group.

I usually guide other people in the group to announce the conclusions in order to not seem like I'm picking on the target.

Re: Ask HN: "Dumbing yourself down" around your peers?

#97

Post by wallflower »

pj wrote: post #45
RiderOfGiraffes wrote: post #9

I felt like that until I was 19. I joined Mensa, and found people who loved puzzles, knowledge, intelligence and discussion. When I moved town and did my PhD I found the local Mensans complete prats, but the university gave me the stimulation I needed. You need to find people with whom you can be yourself, but equally, you need to learn how to get on with people in general. I learned a lot from Dale Carnegie's "How t…

That's the trick! Find something interesting about people. People want to be appreciated and /almost/ everyone has something to appreciate. As an intelligent person, your job isn't to be more interesting than other people, it is to find the interesting things in others. It's like playing games. Over time, if you always win, people stop wanting to playing with you. Find games they can win and lose frequently until you…

"The reason I've managed to make the connections I desired is that I'm fascinated by people's stories. Beneath the small-talk surface, every life is a fascinating novel, so I always follow the suggestion from Proverbs 4:7, "With all thy getting get understanding." This directive means stand under, in the relatively lowly position of student, and let whomever we're trying to understand occupy the high ground of teacher."

Be the student. Let someone teach you.

From a sex/relationship advice article but very true.

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articleoprahmatch.asp...

Re: Ask HN: "Dumbing yourself down" around your peers?

#99

Post by dionidium »

One way to look at it is that you'll inevitably dumb yourself down in front of someone you haven't yet realized is actually smart. So it seems you have a choice between 1) frequently appearing pompous or out-of-place but occasionally identifying yourself as smart to other smart people, which is likely a desirable outcome; or 2) always appearing average, even in front of people you'd prefer didn't think of you as average.

Re: Ask HN: "Dumbing yourself down" around your peers?

#100

Post by lallysingh »

Find people smart in things you know little about. I had years of fun with a group deep in political theory. Then I left school and now I have to find a new group.

But, there's a large percentage of people who just aren't intellectually motivated. Which is fine: family, friends, and/or fun are all equally valid motivators. When you're with them, focus on what you enjoy about what they enjoy. E.g. if they're socially focused, focus on the social interactions you also enjoy. Don't screw it up with geekishness.

With all that said, this is completely wrong: "The problem is that part of trying to fit in is emulating the behaviour of your peers." NO. It's about finding a way for all of you to get along being yourselves. I'll happily drop some random geeky-but-mainstream jokes with my non-computer friends.

Also, you're probably going to have to hang out with multiple types of people to get all your bases covered to get balance.

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