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Stay-at-home dad

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Re: Stay-at-home dad

#141

Post by eitally »

dquail wrote: post #109
enraged_camel wrote: post #50

The part about being viewed suspiciously at the playground was particularly awful. Why is it that we as a society are so fucking fearful? We have an irrational fear of communists, socialists, terrorists, serial killers, sex offenders, and of course, child molesters and abductors. Everyone thinks that there is someone out there who is out to hurt them and their family. Like, that is the default assumption , and people…

Am I the only dad out there that constantly takes my daughter to the park / science center / library alone ... and doesn't feel the least bit weird about it? In 3 years I've received nothing but smiles and conversation for doing this. Maybe it's a Canadian thing ...

I live in North Carolina (a well-to-do suburban city) and have had exactly the same experience as you. In fact, my experience has been that quite a percentage of the moms appreciate being able to chat with a dad for a change.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#142

Post by el_fuser »

lotharbot wrote: post #79

I identify very strongly with this. I became a stay-at-home dad when my son was born 3.5 years ago, by choice, because parenting is what I want to do with my life. My wife wanted a technical career, and went back to work as soon as she was able. More recently, my sister (a single mom) and her little boy moved in with us. My sister works at the school down the street, and has a lot of other out-of-the-home commitments…

I sympathize, brother.

My most irksome comments were "So... Giving mom the day off?" whenever someone would see me with my kids.

The most egregious thing to happen, was being kicked off of the local meetup for playdates... I assume I was approved to join the group because my first name is gender neutral.

Sometime between posting my profile pic (which included my kids) and attending my first meetup, I was removed from the group.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#143

Post by lotharbot »

el_fuser wrote: post #142
lotharbot wrote: post #79

I identify very strongly with this. I became a stay-at-home dad when my son was born 3.5 years ago, by choice, because parenting is what I want to do with my life. My wife wanted a technical career, and went back to work as soon as she was able. More recently, my sister (a single mom) and her little boy moved in with us. My sister works at the school down the street, and has a lot of other out-of-the-home commitments…

I sympathize, brother. My most irksome comments were "So... Giving mom the day off?" whenever someone would see me with my kids. The most egregious thing to happen, was being kicked off of the local meetup for playdates... I assume I was approved to join the group because my first name is gender neutral. Sometime between posting my profile pic (which included my kids) and attending my first meetup, I was removed from…

I should amend my previous post to note that Hacker News has provided a bit of support. There are a surprising number of stay-at-home dads here, and being able to converse with people who both understand my situation and have some technical chops is really refreshing.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#144

Post by el_fuser »

joebeetee wrote: post #54

Whilst I appreciate the discussion points around gender/sexism, I personally have felt more discrimination from the kids / no kids situation, on more than one occasion. I recently interviewed at a large company and did very well on all the questions, connected with the interviewers, had long chats with the recruiter, etc - but didn't get the job. I suspect one of the reasons I didn't get the job was the fact that I m…

Oh yeah, definitely. I went deep into interviews with a big oil company, and when it came time to sit down with the Sr. managers, they did not like my philosophy on overtime at all (I have a family I like to see on the weekdays... Overtime is sometimes necessary, but if it's SOP then there's a problem).

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#145

Post by sliverstorm »

enraged_camel wrote: post #50

The part about being viewed suspiciously at the playground was particularly awful. Why is it that we as a society are so fucking fearful? We have an irrational fear of communists, socialists, terrorists, serial killers, sex offenders, and of course, child molesters and abductors. Everyone thinks that there is someone out there who is out to hurt them and their family. Like, that is the default assumption , and people…

Why is it that we as a society are so fucking fearful?

If you ask me? Because we are hard-wired for fear. Ten thousand years ago, it kept you alive. Today, there is not much left to fear- but we are built to fear, so we find something to fear.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#146

Post by Killah911 »

adrianbye wrote: post #63
cheald wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Speaking as a dad, I hate taking my boys to the playground for the same reason. Moms see "man unaccompanied by woman, must be a predator" - I make a big show out of interacting with my boys and obviously being their father, but it's really grating that it's even necessary at all. As to the culture of fear, I blame local news. It's wall-to-wall with alternating RAPISTS EVERYWHERE and LOOKIT THE CUTE PUPPIES, because t…

this doesn't happen in non feminist countries (ie usually 3rd world).

I'm not quite so sure that this is a 1st world thing necessarily. It think it's more of an American thing. During our last vacation in Europe, I was surprised by how people, even at random rest stops along the autobahn were interacting with my kids and did not feel threatened or run off with their kids b/c I was the one taking the kids to the play area. (Albeit, I wasn't the only father/male there)

All things being equal, I think it may just be our media. I noticed other parents were playing peek-a-boo with my 2 year old, whereas in the US, I face the same kind of treatment at parks as the author of the article and people in general aren't quite as friendly to kids they don't know(possibly due to similar sentiments).

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#147

Post by coldtea »

ecopoesis wrote: post #138
coldtea wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I condemn the parts of it that are transphobic, and I wonder why nobody mentions it Because it's BS? I know people in politically correct societies wont even consider it (if anything, to avoid being labelled), but mutilating yourself is not exactly, well, alright. A society has to draw a line at what it considers normal/desired behaviour and what not. Regardless if said behaviour is any harm to others or not. For e…

Slippery slope is a terrible argument. If folks want to change their gender, then let them. Much like someone being black or gay, it's quite litetally none of my, or nyone elses, business. If people want to chop off their leg for fashion, who cares? Anyone who says anything else is a bigot.

>Slippery slope is a terrible argument.

Fortunately it wasn't the only argument.

And I'd say, slippery slope is not a terrible argument by itself, just because there are "fallacy" list saying so. It is quite appropriate as an argument in an awful lot of situations. Matter of fact, the "broken window theory" is an example of the slippery slope: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broken_windows_theory "Overton Window" is another: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Overton_window

>If folks want to change their gender, then let them.

I did not say "don't let them".

I said labelling those that are not Ok with this "phobics" is taking it too far. Are those not OK with people doing meth, meth-thobics? Are those not OK with women content to be in an abusive relationship abuse-phobics?

>Much like someone being black or gay, it's quite litetally none of my, or anyone elses, business.

Waiving our genitals in public is, by all means and with the same reasoning, none of yours or anyone else's business. And yet, we do (and perhaps you too) frown upon it.

Thing is, we don't base a society only on "whatever rock's one's boat", but also on general principles. That's why it's a society, and not a jungle.

>If people want to chop off their leg for fashion, who cares?

I care. And "who cares" is not an attitude to base a society on. An egotistical dystopia, maybe.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#148

Post by [deleted] »

seanmcdirmid wrote: post #114
karmajunkie wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In other words, in countries where men make all the rules and run the show nobody dares look askance at a man in a public setting? Go figure.

Where the heck did that come from? For example, China is arguably a very matriarchal society, and guys take their kids out all the time.

[deleted]

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#149

Post by mathrawka »

stevewilber wrote: post #107
rudog wrote: post #18

"Don't worry, I'm not going to nab your kid, I already got this one." Is this common place? As of a father of twins; I regularly take my kids to the park and either I'm oblivious to these looks or I am too busy playing zone defense on two almost 3 year olds that I don't even notice.

As a work-from-home dad with a very flexible schedule, I spend quite a bit of time at the park during work hours. My experience is closer to yours than most others in this thread. I find the moms/nannies/grandparents quite welcoming and friendly. Occasionally a topic of conversation will come up that may be a bit awkward, but otherwise I don't feel that I'm treated much differently. I certainly have never perceived t…

I'm in the same situation... gotta love doing the bulk of your work before 8am or after 8pm (sometimes both in the same day) ;)

may be a bit awkward

Usually more than a bit awkward as they talk about trying to have more kids or women hygiene... that is when I just pretend my daughter needs some assistance and I walk off to "help" her.

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