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I Know What You Think of Me

opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com

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Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#51

Post by [deleted] »

Udo wrote: post #38
jarrett wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This article was on the HN front page some time ago: http://chronicle.com/article/I-Will-Ruin-Him/136693/ It sounds like your situation is similar, though perhaps less extreme.

Maybe, but I think this is fundamentally different. Threesome Girl did not have a real motive against me. In fact, we were still drinking buddies when I learned what she had been doing this whole time. There was no love interest, no need for revenge, nothing to gain from doing this. Yet, she did. And even more puzzling: a lot of people helped her, she always had a lot of social support. She was quite brilliant at tha…

[deleted]

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#52

Post by sockgrant »

What's interesting is that it seems like the less you care what people think about you, the more people like you. You become more genuinely you. This makes you unique and interesting.

Besides, people can see through someone trying too hard.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#53

Post by Udo »

loceng wrote: post #49
Udo wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Oh dear gods no, I'm trying to put this debacle behind me. It seems every time I try to clear something up about this, two more stories come to life. The only winning move, as they say, is not to play. I'm counting on the semi-anonymity of my HN account here ;)

I would go for it. Just @ a whole bunch of people. Ask what shit / lies this women said about you.

Nah, I tried all that and more years ago, it only made things worse. My interest actually contributed to keeping this thing alive. The longer I don't show any interest in the story, the more it atrophies. I'm just telling this as a cautionary tale, not soliciting any solutions - this chapter needs to die.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#55

Post by syncsynchalt »

mateo411 wrote: post #12
obviouslygreen wrote: post #2

This is a great article. Not good, great. It's a simple and objective look at a very difficult truth: It's so very easy (and, in the author's assessment -- which I agree with -- so very normal) to look at yourself as the exception, and to ignore or simply be ignorant of your own flaws, while eagerly pointing out those of others. I keep learning more about myself (not the pleasant things, of course) because of this so…

Tim Kreider is an excellent writer and enjoyable to read. He is adept at weaving philosophy, humor, and personal anecdotes together into a great essay. If you like this, keep reading his work.

Agreed, I read one of his books on a trip to Chicago a week ago (We Learn Nothing), well worth the read.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#56

Post by AYBABTME »

dasil003 wrote: post #11
earbitscom wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I tend not to do this, which is why I find myself at age 35 with practically no grudges held and very few people who I cannot tolerate or even appreciate. It also makes it easier to recognize whether something is reconcilable in business, with employees, etc. Accidents happen, people make mistakes. I often find that unless I truly believe something was done out of malice, I have very little problem getting over it qu…

I'm also 35 and feel exactly the same way. This often gets me in trouble with my wife when she exclaims "how could x have done y!" and I proceed to stick my foot in mouth by saying "maybe they were thinking z".

I'm not 35 but I often try to defuse situations with my wife just this way : "Neither of [us/them] meant evil, so let's just get over it"

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#58

Post by thwest »

dasil003 wrote: post #11
earbitscom wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I tend not to do this, which is why I find myself at age 35 with practically no grudges held and very few people who I cannot tolerate or even appreciate. It also makes it easier to recognize whether something is reconcilable in business, with employees, etc. Accidents happen, people make mistakes. I often find that unless I truly believe something was done out of malice, I have very little problem getting over it qu…

I'm also 35 and feel exactly the same way. This often gets me in trouble with my wife when she exclaims "how could x have done y!" and I proceed to stick my foot in mouth by saying "maybe they were thinking z".

Worse: 'Can you even imagine doing Y?' Yes dear, I have a healthy imagination.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#59

Post by davorak »

criswell wrote: post #6
obviouslygreen wrote: post #2

This is a great article. Not good, great. It's a simple and objective look at a very difficult truth: It's so very easy (and, in the author's assessment -- which I agree with -- so very normal) to look at yourself as the exception, and to ignore or simply be ignorant of your own flaws, while eagerly pointing out those of others. I keep learning more about myself (not the pleasant things, of course) because of this so…

We judge others by their actions, ourselves by our intentions.

Perceived intentions and perceived actions often seem to fit the bill better then actual actions.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#60

Post by davorak »

dasil003 wrote: post #10
obviouslygreen wrote: post #2

This is a great article. Not good, great. It's a simple and objective look at a very difficult truth: It's so very easy (and, in the author's assessment -- which I agree with -- so very normal) to look at yourself as the exception, and to ignore or simply be ignorant of your own flaws, while eagerly pointing out those of others. I keep learning more about myself (not the pleasant things, of course) because of this so…

I especially loved the closing paragraph about the audio staircase revealing all gossip about you in order of ascending quality. That is terrible and fascinating idea.

Once you get to the bottom you are surround by the highest praise any has ever given you. Given that what percentage of the population would get stuck at the bottom?
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