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Ask HN: Educating a child who is severely behind

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Re: Ask HN: Educating a child who is severely behind

#11

Post by jacquesm »

> I can't stand to see a clearly intelligent child locked behind a wall of impeded speech and behaviours typical to a 1 year old.

Kids are different, each and every one of them. If all he does is not go to the potty and you have to work at understanding him then things may not be as bad as they seem and a 'crash program' to advance the child to match his peers may not be what's called for. I've seen kids that were potty trained later than this and I know at least several children that are clever but hard to understand at that age and nobody thinks of them as 'behind in terms of development'.

There is no set schedule here, if you are really worried about this - and it seems that you are - you might want to check with local professionals to see if he's really as behind as you think and if a crash program to remedy this is what is called for or a more sedate pace slightly above normal until things are in line again.

As with others here: HN is not the right place to look for advice on this, we're not exactly childcare professionals (even if some of us are dads and moms). My 'qualifications' are that I'm a father of three tri-lingual children and that at the age of three they all seemed to be behind a bit in terms of speech development because of that.

The most important thing to take away from this thread is the 'there is no rush' bit, I second that wholeheartedly, better a happy child that's a bit behind than a frustrated child trying to make up because of pressure.

Much good luck!

Re: Ask HN: Educating a child who is severely behind

#13

Post by davidw »

jwdunne wrote: post #5
obviouslygreen wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't look for hacks. This is almost always good advice, but I think it bears repeating as the crux of this extremely insightful post. And honestly: HN is NOT the place to look for this. I think you're lucky to have someone like kvnn responding up top but you're likely to soon be mired in god knows what. Go be a dad. Do it the way dads have done it forever: Off the cuff, the best they know how. He'll benefit a lot mo…

Perhaps I am wrong for seeking hacks or word it as such. I guess what I was asking for is clever andgood advice from a community I know from first hand experience is full of smart people, some of which I'm banking on them having children. Truth is I'm young and I've never been in this position before. I've also missed out on those first two years with no idea of the damage done. Thanks to both of you for taking the t…

Hacks are elegant and clever ways to save time and energy.

I don't think that's possible with some things, like raising a child, where there's just a lot of steady work to be done. Changing diapers, cleaning up barf, spending time at the park, etc... and simply "being there".

Re: Ask HN: Educating a child who is severely behind

#15

Post by bnp »

I found some interesting views in this book http://www.amazon.com/Brain-Rules-Baby-Raise-Smart/dp/098326... - there is an associated website which might include some of the content. http://www.brainrules.net/. One interesting point the author makes is the importance of teaching children to identify non-verbal cues and cites studies showing that young children who are taught sign language (and are not hearing impaired) have a higher probability of success in later life. The following pdf could also give you some ideas http://www.dgmt.co.za/files/2013/05/More-than-Counting_web.p... - aimed specifically at math development between 0 and 5 years.

Re: Ask HN: Educating a child who is severely behind

#16

Post by brudgers »

kvnn wrote: post #3
kvnn wrote: post #2

Don't look for hacks. Look for ways to instill healthy habits and skills that he can use for the rest of his life. I'm glad you brought up potty training and speech, because those are both great examples. For speech, I recommend having conversations with him as you would an adult, and try to keep eye contact often enough that he sees your mouth as you speak. Don't hound him on mis pronunciations but feel free to corr…

And, there is no rush. Do not rush. The goal is to create a happy, healthy and capable person - not an impressive 5 year old. This is coming from someone who's wife spends most of her time educating and caring for his kids, who are therefore advanced relative to peers: it's not that important. It IS important for kids to have caretakers who give them attention, opportunity to be capable for life and economy, and a ha…

We fretted over potty training when my son was two. His daycare[1] said, "We take them all through it together in the two-and-a-half year old class." What the hell was wrong with them? Some of his peers were using the potty at 18 months!

Dissecting this now, how far behind can a two year old be? Not very far if at all. The severe outliers are two years behind - unable to hold up their heads. Most everyone is in the middle on just about everything - there's a normal range.

Now twelve, my son has been fully potty trained for many years. The important things in his two year old class were singing and laughing and playing and getting along with other kids and strategies for dealing with the times when things didn't go his way.

My son dropped his bar of soap in the five year old musical! He wasn't moved up to the U11 soccer team when he was nine! He got a B in sixth grade math this spring!

Music or sports or academics every parent is a fool, and comparing one's children to other children is a fool's game. I do it, still and know I'm being a fool and I do it anyway.

[1] Oh eM Gee! Daycare? What the hell is wrong with us? How could we do this. He'll probably get a B in Sixth Grade math because he blew off his homework and be ruined for life!

Re: Ask HN: Educating a child who is severely behind

#17

Post by bcbroom »

My only experience is in the US, you didn't mention a country.

Check with your health insurance to see if they cover short term rehab. If they do (my insurance when I was a grad student did, but it varies by state) they will cover some months of speach and/or occupational therapy (OT always sounds weird to me dealing with kids, but it deals with a bunch of sensory and processing issues).

Anyone with speech issues I would recommend a good hearing test (from an audiologist, not the doctors office). This is how we found my daughter is hearing impaired.

In the US, children with delays are eligible for some services from the public school system. Depending on the district, this will likely be a long wait with some screenings and paperwork, but we got several years of speech and language therapy from very qualified people.

Finally, don't forget a pediatrician. They will be able to give you recommendations of local contacts that can help.

This is not something to be a hero and go it alone, get help.

Re: Ask HN: Educating a child who is severely behind

#18

Post by brudgers »

jwdunne wrote: post #5
obviouslygreen wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't look for hacks. This is almost always good advice, but I think it bears repeating as the crux of this extremely insightful post. And honestly: HN is NOT the place to look for this. I think you're lucky to have someone like kvnn responding up top but you're likely to soon be mired in god knows what. Go be a dad. Do it the way dads have done it forever: Off the cuff, the best they know how. He'll benefit a lot mo…

Perhaps I am wrong for seeking hacks or word it as such. I guess what I was asking for is clever andgood advice from a community I know from first hand experience is full of smart people, some of which I'm banking on them having children. Truth is I'm young and I've never been in this position before. I've also missed out on those first two years with no idea of the damage done. Thanks to both of you for taking the t…

The reality is that you do not have the knowledge skills and abilities to determine the developmental status of the child. Nor do you have the expertise to formulate a developmental plan should their be one. You're just a guy with a girl and a rugrat.

A child is not a lawnmower engine. Children don't get damaged and repaired. They grow up, each as their own snowflake.

Everyone doesn't get frustrated to the point of pathologizing their child's development. Growing up needs to happen all around.

Good luck.

Re: Ask HN: Educating a child who is severely behind

#19

Post by DanBC »

About speech: model correct words, but don't force corrections. So when he says "yewwow worrwy" you say "Yes! That's right! Yellow Lorry!"

Use that sing-song voice. Some people say it's annoying and stupid, but children do react to it. (Don't have the sources to hand, sorry.)

Offer him choices. Don't say "Would you like a drink?" but say "Do you want milk? Or do you want water?" to encourage him to say stuff.

If he's babbling that's good, you want to encourage any noise making.

About the other stuff: investigate "attachment parenting". Poor attachment in early life can have serious effects. You want to try to fix this.

Really, just spend time loving the child and interacting.

There are some programmes designed to help with poor behaviour. Webster-Stratton is one. It gets some criticism because of the way it's marketed.

It might be worth asking some questions on the parenting stack exchange. I seem to remember some people there did work in this area.

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