The biggest problem with the "this is how we are, deal with it because it's efficient and direct" is that it's just not true.
There is nothing efficient about being a dick.
There are basically two ways that being a curt dick can be functional:
[1] The other parties involved are extremely empathetic and look past the messenger to understand the message.
[2] The curt dick has enough power to brow beat / intimidate / badger others into getting their way.
Neither of these are long term sustainable solutions, because empathy between parties is a two-way street. Simply put, you can't sustain empathy unless the other party grows.
Hackers pride themselves on the "fuck you" attitude that disrupts stuff, and I get that, and I like it. But the flip side of that is that an inflexibility to understand and communicate with others ultimately will dull your edge and you'll wind up short of what you want to achieve.
It's not what you say, it's how you say it - not because it's a nice feel good thing, but because how you say something is incredibly important in efficiently disseminating your message, and often time the success of your goals depends on it.
Writing off people who push back on you being a dick is writing off an entire population of people who don't see the world 100% your way... you know, like everyone besides you on the goddamn planet.