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A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

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Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#101

Post by JDDunn9 »

zalzane wrote: post #32

I hate it when these things pop up because they turn problems into self-fulling prophecies. I hate being around my mother. I've never had a relationship with a girl in my entire life. I drown my sorrows into a mug of beer every friday. I barely get by as is - and have to work my ass off harder than everyone around me to get anything done. And now I come across this article that says it's likely I'll make 6 figs less…

Only if you are also a Harvard grad. For those of us who aren't Harvard grads, we'll make 6 figures below the unhappy group.

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#103

Post by calinet6 »

JDDunn9 wrote: post #12
nostromo wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's useful to parents.

Because bad parents will become more nurturing after reading an article?

I think parents believe certain things based on what they're taught and their gut instincts; many parents have an opposite view than this one, thinking that "tough love" and high pressure childhoods make the children grow up to be better adults.

This research basically disproves that, saying that nurturing and loving upbringings have that effect, while cold tough upbrinings are detrimental.

Having that kind of evidence is extremely helpful—either parents who read it might change their mind, or it could be discussed in parenting groups.

Either way, the point is that it's scientific evidence. People may eventually come around to it, leading to a better world with more nurturing parents and better childhoods and therefore better adult lives for a great many people.

Will it happen soon? No. These beliefs are often so dogmatic and almost religious in nature that it's unlikely to affect the people who hold them. But maybe it will reach their children.

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#104

Post by crusso »

zalzane wrote: post #55
mercuryrising wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What makes you happy?

Working, solving problems. Days where I can work on my side projects for the entire day without being interrupted are like a gift from god. I hate being around people because it comes down to either just sitting there and listening to other people converse, or trying to contribute to a conversation and making a fool of myself.

I've found that most people vastly underestimate the helpfulness of a good therapist.

Your fear of making a fool of yourself smacks of an irrational level of insecurity that may stem from dysfunction that you may not be aware of.

A good therapist can help you get to the root of that dysfunction and teach you exercises and attitudes that could make you feel immensely more confident and happy.

If all else fails, a therapist will recognize if you might need pharmaceutical help.

I've seen therapy work for multiple people in my life - but addressing dysfunction isn't something that you can deal with on HN. You have to seek out a professional and commit yourself to working hard on getting better.

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#105

Post by zenith2037 »

calinet6 wrote: post #103
JDDunn9 wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because bad parents will become more nurturing after reading an article?

I think parents believe certain things based on what they're taught and their gut instincts; many parents have an opposite view than this one, thinking that "tough love" and high pressure childhoods make the children grow up to be better adults. This research basically disproves that, saying that nurturing and loving upbringings have that effect, while cold tough upbrinings are detrimental. Having that kind of eviden…

I disagree with your definition of tough love. Most people view tough love as not willing to spoil your child. Allowing them to know what consequences are for unacceptable behavior. But that doesn't automatically add "negation of all parental care" into the term.

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#106

Post by alxhill »

mseebach wrote: post #93
tomp wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

After having read your comment, I googled "zirself"... Is is a commonly used pronoun, or more of a quirk/very new feature of the language that gets used rarely? Interesting concept though!

It's an idea that comes from linguistic relativity, i.e. the philosophy that the language we use to talk about a subject defines the way we think about it. Thus, by using "he" as the gender-neutral pronoun, we're prejudiced towards a male-centred society. No, "zirself" is not commonly used, but obviously proponents want to change that. At the end of the day, it's just another branch of political correctness.

Is there anything wrong with them, they and themselves?

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#107

Post by jimboyoungblood »

auctiontheory wrote: post #10
MarkMc wrote: post #4

Paul Tough's book, "How Children Succeed" [1] has a great section on how mothering style has a large effect on offspring throughout their lives: "Parents and other caregivers who are able to form close, nurturing relationships with their children can foster resilience in them that protects them from many of the worst effects of a harsh early environment. This message can sound a bit warm and fuzzy, but it is rooted i…

The research on mothering style may be highly predictive, but unless I'm missing something, it isn't actionable or "useful."

It's totally actionable- moms should lick their kids more often.

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#108

Post by mikecane »

LekkoscPiwa wrote: post #100
singular wrote: post #15

Ack. Reliable or not, I'm sure it was meant as a feel-good piece, but for people like me the quote:- "Vaillant’s key takeaway, in his own words: “The seventy-five years and twenty million dollars expended on the Grant Study points … to a straightforward five-word conclusion: ‘Happiness is love. Full stop.’" Is actually very depressing. I am 5'5" so have this (if you've not encountered it you are unlikely to be aware)…

The most ugly, short guy (ok, almost the most) I have seen in my life was the biggest playboy I have ever met. He could have any women he wanted. It would be long story, but when observing him one thing came to mind: he knew how to talk to women. Just imagine that the guys nickname was a "Beast". He was that ugly. I've seen him just once in my life. We went on a trip in College and his College was on a trip at the sa…

>>>It would be long story, but when observing him one thing came to mind: he knew how to talk to women.

That is what matters. Not height or appearance or income. FFS, the guys I've seen have women flock to them! It's like they're magnetic. Yet to another guy, they're just ordinary.

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#109

Post by Spooky23 »

JDDunn9 wrote: post #12
nostromo wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's useful to parents.

Because bad parents will become more nurturing after reading an article?

No, because well intentioned parents can make better choices for their children.

Think of questions like: - Should a parent take a promotion that will result in longer work hours? - Is it worth taking a compensation hit for a parent to stay home or reduce working hours? - Should a parent place a child in a daycare or hire a sitter/nanny? - To what level should grandparents be involved in the raising of a child?

All of these questions have multiple answers that have different impacts on your ability to support yourself and nurture your child. It's a balance.

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#110

Post by vijayr »

gaius wrote: post #99
singular wrote: post #15

Ack. Reliable or not, I'm sure it was meant as a feel-good piece, but for people like me the quote:- "Vaillant’s key takeaway, in his own words: “The seventy-five years and twenty million dollars expended on the Grant Study points … to a straightforward five-word conclusion: ‘Happiness is love. Full stop.’" Is actually very depressing. I am 5'5" so have this (if you've not encountered it you are unlikely to be aware)…

To put this in perspective, you're taller than Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise is 5ft 7in
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