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Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

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Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#71

Post by Eliezer »

banned_man wrote: post #63
bokonist wrote: post #33

Woman did not evolve to find smart guys or "nice" guys attractive. Woman are programmed to find the leader of the pack attractive, even if said leader is an a hole. Fortunately, most well raised woman were taught with their rational minds to be wary of the jerk and to go for the gentleman. So rationally they want the nice guy, but the animal mind wants the leader of the pack. This creates conflict. If you've ever bee…

You're blaming evolution for womens' generally execrable tastes in men, but the source of the problem is likely cultural and psychological. A large proportion of American women have been raised with an unspoken and often subliminal belief that sex is filthy, painful and degrading. This association is formed at a young age and most women are not aware that they have it, but it leads them to become attracted to men who…

Oh? And why doesn't the same conditioning work on men when it's tried on men?

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#72

Post by pbz »

bokonist wrote: post #33

Woman did not evolve to find smart guys or "nice" guys attractive. Woman are programmed to find the leader of the pack attractive, even if said leader is an a hole. Fortunately, most well raised woman were taught with their rational minds to be wary of the jerk and to go for the gentleman. So rationally they want the nice guy, but the animal mind wants the leader of the pack. This creates conflict. If you've ever bee…

I recommend you have a look at Geoffrey Miller's The Mating Mind. While I agree with what you said, I think you got the evolution part a bit wrong.Meaning that women are indeed programmed to like the smart guy. The problem is, they want both, smart and strong; and who can blame them :)

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#73

Post by jjs »

jackowayed wrote: post #49
rokhayakebe wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

(Accidentally downvoted you. Apologies.) That is not a loser's game. I have more respect for the guy who is getting laid because he is rich, than the guy who was born handsome. The latter was born blessed, the former had to figure a way to become a good candidate for fornication.

That's not his point. His point is that you lose because though you get laid, the woman loves your money, not you. Now, you could argue that if you're handsome, the woman loves your body, not you. So I guess you really should have every negative quality possible, save your personality, if you want to truly "win." Except that you'll probably just totally lose.

This is also a blind spot. If you obsess over finding someone who likes you for your personality, you should take the time to consider, "Am I really the great, nice, etc. person that I think I am?"

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#74

Post by frossie »

What a load of patronising, stereotyping... argh, I won't say it here. For starters, I see no evidence that this is a problem (anecdotes, anecdotes).

Anybody can get laid. Finding someone who wants to put up with you the rest of the time is the true accomplishment.

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#75

Post by nopassrecover »

bryarcanium wrote: post #30

"Unless you actually convey femininity as a woman or masculinity as a man, you're not going to attract a suitable companion of the opposite sex." How... heteronormative... of him. I'll pick my own brand of suitable, thankyouverymuch.

I'd imagine there's probably a completely different set of rules for homosexual attraction though.

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#76

Post by bokonist »

banned_man wrote: post #63
bokonist wrote: post #33

Woman did not evolve to find smart guys or "nice" guys attractive. Woman are programmed to find the leader of the pack attractive, even if said leader is an a hole. Fortunately, most well raised woman were taught with their rational minds to be wary of the jerk and to go for the gentleman. So rationally they want the nice guy, but the animal mind wants the leader of the pack. This creates conflict. If you've ever bee…

You're blaming evolution for womens' generally execrable tastes in men, but the source of the problem is likely cultural and psychological. A large proportion of American women have been raised with an unspoken and often subliminal belief that sex is filthy, painful and degrading. This association is formed at a young age and most women are not aware that they have it, but it leads them to become attracted to men who…

The generally chaste girls are the same way, they still go for the strong guy over the "nice" guy. Girls that have been taught all their life to go for the nice guy, still find themselves attracted to the bad boy. The evolutionary/genetic explanation seems to fit my observations the best.

I actually think men get some blame for the "girls falling for aholes" problem. I think too many quality men listened to their mothers and school teachers, who said the key is to be a nice guy. The assholes never listened, and learned on the street to win girls via strength. Thus only the assholes act strong and get the girl, while the nerds lose out. The solution is that the good men need to grow a backbone. Then women will be able to find men who they are both attracted to and are good partners.

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#77

Post by Tsagadai »

The guy has a number of things backward or set in stone.

First off you can have your cake and eat it. You don't actually need to cease being anything to get laid you just have to look harder. Honesetly, it is just that easy, somewhere out there is a woman/man/transgender looking for someone just like you. Hell, there are probably 10 people like that in every country.

Second, the author takes a very macho outlook on dating. You don't have to do that. People are quite varied. Some like X, some prefer Y and some really love Q. His entire 'be the (wo)man' bit just smacks of heterocentricism and ignorance. Some people like the same. If that is you I encourage you to pursue that because you will be far, far happier than if you repress who you really are.

Third. This point is just my advice. Don't deride people or look down on them. You will find love in peculiar places if only you look. So you're smart. Big deal. Don't dismiss that girl who left school before senior or the guy who never went to college. There are different forms of intelligence and you can find intelligent people who are not in the mold of the traditionally smart, educated and successful.

And lastly, get out of the house/town/country. You will never find anyone, not even for a date if you don't get away from your personal comfort zone. I'm not dismissing those who only want to meet people through friends only that you must be truly lucky to find love that way. It is always best to expand yourself and head to the horizon of the known.

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#78

Post by Tsagadai »

nopassrecover wrote: post #75
bryarcanium wrote: post #30

"Unless you actually convey femininity as a woman or masculinity as a man, you're not going to attract a suitable companion of the opposite sex." How... heteronormative... of him. I'll pick my own brand of suitable, thankyouverymuch.

I'd imagine there's probably a completely different set of rules for homosexual attraction though.

There are actually no rules for homosexual or heterosexual attraction. People are far too complex for that sort of categorisation.

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#79

Post by sown »

anamax wrote: post #39
sown wrote: post #23

Being smart got me a well paying job. For about 3 hours of work I can make it happen + tips. But seriously, I'm not willing to "get some" because it requires me to do things I don't want or willing to. It's sort of like PG's essay on popularity.

> But seriously, I'm not willing to "get some" because it requires me to do things I don't want or willing to. What are the things that you don't want to do or are unwilling to do that you think would get you laid?

According to my mom, I am unwilling to make any attempt to improve myself in any way

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#80

Post by davidw »

One thing that helped me a lot: investing some money in some salsa dancing lessons. First of all, I actually enjoy it, it's fun (if you don't like it you wont' get far). Second, it's sort of cool, compared to, say, talking about startups and computers with someone who is potentially not interested in either one. Also, it's something where practice does pay off, and where you can't fake it, so investing some time will get you results. It's a real dance, too, between a man and a woman (well, a couple in any case, but we'll leave out the PC stuff for the sake of convenience) where the man leads and the woman follows, and they hold on to one another, not one of those flaily club type dance things. You can learn a lot about someone in a 2 or 3 minute dance with them, actually, and if you go to the right sort of clubs, people often change partners, so you have the chance to dance with lots of different people (so it's sort of like speed dating, but not so silly) and see what works out. Most places I've ever been to, people are having fun and smile, which I find a lot more attractive than the pouty, I'm-too-cool look. Oh, and finally, women who know how to really dance salsa are hot. Moving and swaying like that really adds something! Getting up the confidence to ask people to dance is really good too. You'll get shot down lots too, but you learn to deal with that.
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