The underappreciated power of common courtesy
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The underappreciated power of common courtesy
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Re: The underappreciated power of common courtesy
#2I know exactly what you mean, I'm in the middle of the application process right now. When companies have a poor level of communication with me as a candidate, I definitely rethink my interest in them.
Re: The underappreciated power of common courtesy
#3An acquaintance recently made a facebook update describing how they belittled and berated a coffee shop employee for making a (fairly bad, to be fair) mistake regarding change on a $20.
I seriously considered leaving my office and going to the coffee shop to apologize for this person's behavior, and I personally am finished with this individual in both a social and professional context. There is pretty much nothing I find more offensive than rudeness when people make a mistake.
Re: The underappreciated power of common courtesy
#4I'll share two insights I've learned over time about courtesy.
1) Being courteous, over the long term, gives you power. There have been a number of initiatives I've been able to get done at work, that others could not, simply because colleagues give me a greater benefit of the doubt. They do so because I have always treated them very well, even when we disagree.
2) To be truly courteous, you must be very organized. If you're unorganized, it's easy to lose track of things--and it will be impossible to keep track of the many niceties of small interactions. But these are what add up, over time, to a great reputation.
Number 2 is an insight I have learned (and continue to learn) the hard way.
Re: The underappreciated power of common courtesy
#5I'll share two insights I've learned over time about courtesy. 1) Being courteous, over the long term, gives you power. There have been a number of initiatives I've been able to get done at work, that others could not, simply because colleagues give me a greater benefit of the doubt. They do so because I have always treated them very well, even when we disagree. 2) To be truly courteous, you must be very organized. I…
Thanks for these insights. I couldn't agree more.
Re: The underappreciated power of common courtesy
#6An acquaintance recently made a facebook update describing how they belittled and berated a coffee shop employee for making a (fairly bad, to be fair) mistake regarding change on a $20. I seriously considered leaving my office and going to the coffee shop to apologize for this person's behavior, and I personally am finished with this individual in both a social and professional context. There is pretty much nothing I…
What it comes down to is empathy. Empathetic people are able to put themselves in the shoes of others and understand their circumstances and use logic to rationalize their own emotions. In the long run, this type of person is better to work with. That's why they say look at how someone treats a waiter. An empathetic person understands the waiter made a mistake because they are overloaded with tables or their mind is frazzled because they're working their second job of the day with a sick kid at home. The person who lacks empathy will only suspect pure incompetence or malice as the cause and have an outburst or berate the terrible service.
Re: The underappreciated power of common courtesy
#7From the very moment they could communicate, I worked hard to teach my children common courtesy. It was the best gift I could give them. They didn't go to fancy schools, they never took "enrichment" classes, but they know how to be nice to people and make friends. I think it paid off, because they are all doing pretty well.
Courtesy makes you likable and smooths human relationships in everything you do. It gives you a huge edge. I don't understand why people don't do it. Maybe they grew up in an environment where courtesy is taken as weakness. Or maybe they are so convinced of their own merit that they feel there is no need to be nice to the "little people." Either way, they are seriously handicapping their future happiness.
Courtesy offers so much gain for so little effort. From smiling and holding the door open for someone at the supermarket to giving a considerate reply to someone who went to the trouble to come in for an interview, courtesy makes life better for everyone. The return smile and sincere thank you from the person at the supermarket brightens your whole day. The rejected candidate who received your thoughtful message might be the exact fit for a later job.
Similar to the quote in the original article, I believe you can learn a lot about a person by how they treat the hired help, whether it be at work or in a restaurant or hotel. If someone has no power of retribution, even if you are a selfish jerk, and you still treat them kindly, it's a pretty good sign you aren't a selfish jerk. On the other hand, if you are considering a future spouse or employer, and they treat servers and underlings like trash, someday they will treat you like trash too.
Courtesy is karma. You give to others, it always comes back to you.
Re: The underappreciated power of common courtesy
#8This really hits home. I had a few emails back and forth with the co-founder/CTO of a fairly successful startup that tried to recruit me back in January. We had a short Skype session, he basically "strung me along", vaguely brought up a homework assignment, and never got back. Like the author of this post, I emailed him back and checked for an update, but never got a response.
And to think I actually referred people to use their service before. Since this incident, I have lost a ton of respect for this person specifically. Not because we were not a good fit for each other, but because of the 360 degree change in attitude once he had no use for you. A bit sad to say this person is probably on HN too.
In contrast, his email responses while trying to recruit me originally were always within 24 hours, usually between 5~25 minutes. Fairly lengthy emails too. It's not that difficult to let someone know if you don't think you (and I) are not the best fit for each other. Show some respect.
Re: The underappreciated power of common courtesy
#9Courtesy without consequence, clout or wherewithal is a dud.
Let me unpack that a bit:
People walk all over courteous people especially when they wield no social clout or when the person is of little consequence, in general.
Courtesy is too often taken -- in North American circles these days -- to be a dose of deference paid in advance for a future (and usually much larger) reciprocal dose of consideration or favor of some kind.
In short, unless you wield considerable worth ( of some kind ) no one's going to rule in your favor -- and against a much more formidable party -- owing to your courteousness.
It's unfortunate.
Re: The underappreciated power of common courtesy
#10>“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.” — Malcom S. Forbes
Think that over the next time you find yourself in disagreement with someone over differing opinions of a third person.
In my experience, more often than not, the above quote will explain everything.
Over the years, I've worked with way too many people are delightful to their peers, but a blatant jackasses to the folks who empty their trash.