It's like you and a friend have a deck of cards. You each take a card from the deck, and then travel a million miles away. Then, at the crack of noon (synchronized to GST, of course), you both look at your cards. Your card is the 3 of Clubs. You travel back to meet your friend, and discover that his card (which he measured at noon, just like you) was the 7 of Diamonds. You repeat this experiment a gazillion times and…
What you're describing is a hidden-variable theory, which has been ruled out by Bell's Theorem. Sorry.
The point of my post is to convey the sense that this article headline has when it says that "spooky action" has a speed.
Then, in the last paragraph, I ask whether the example I gave is actually analogous to quantum mechanics. I think it is, particularly if you see things through the many-worlds interpretation.
In the many-worlds interpretation, you and your card exist in a superposition of 52 states, 1 for each possible card. When you look at your card, your wavefunction separates into 52 different experiences and that effect propagates out into the universe at a speed less than the speed of light. Nonetheless, when you compare your results with your friend, you find that you never got the same card, even though you looked at the same time.
Nitpick: Bell's Theorem doesn't rule out hidden variable theories. Only local hidden variable theories.